Ok just exposed OW to family and friends on FB.

So tomorrow I will tell him what has been outlined here, I am also taking the EN questionnaire.

I guess tomorrow is the defining day on him wanting to try?
If he says no to any, I implement Plan B?

What about the fact we are not living together, even if we wanted to, our finances were already screwed before and now he is jobless. Seems bankruptcy is on the way.. *Sigh*.
Can we still attempt repair while separated?

Give him the conditions we outlined. Do not let him turn it on you and try to blame you. If he does, stand up and tell him to contact you when he's ready to join you in recovery.

Then go home and prepare for Plan B.

If he says he will meet your requirements come here to the board and tell us what he said so we can see if he is serious.

Trying to recover with an unrepentant WH will set you up for a False Recovery. False recoveries can be more painful than an original Dday.

Oh and fantastic on exposing OW.

If you receive any negative responses do not worry about it. There are a lot of people who do not stand up against infidelity.

When you sent the Facebook messages were you on a regular computer? Did Facebook ask you to pay $1 a message? If the people ardently sent the messages aren't in your circle of friends then the messages go to their other folder and most likely won't see the messages.

How many messages did you send?

Yes, I was on my laptop. I was not asked to pay anything. Did I just totally miss my opportunity? I sent the message as one to 15 of her closest friends and family.

That is what I'm terrified about, False Recovery.
Like I stated before, he has always needed to talk to other women, but they do not understand their boundaries. So whenever I found out, he would go to another job but the same thing would happen. =/. Did I allow it to spiral out of control for him?
I wish I had known about Dr. Harley a lot sooner.
I admit that I was so tired of it i told " I am not in a f****** wolf pack, I should not need to fight for my spot as the alpha female!"
Yet, I can think back to him asking for a simple massage and I withholding because of resentment and anger...
I feel hopeless when I think about how cruel we both were to each other without even trying.

Thank you Brain Hurts! It's so late and I cannot sleep because of anxiety for tomorrow.

Try and get some sleep so you can be in control of your emotions I heard Dr. Harley say that is why he tries to teach people to take the emotions out so you are thinking rationally.

That is why he's program is so successful is because he has a Plan and if followed it gives you your best chance for recovery.

Read this so you're educated on the flags.
False Recovery-Need Voices of Experience

About Facebook exposure, can you get on a regular computer and try to send another Facebook message and see if it asks you for the payment? Say the library?

If it does ask you for the payment, then you can be sure you will need to to resend the messages.

Just redid all the messages and paid for them. Thank you for all the advice, I'll be back tomorrow.

Good job and get some sleep.

Let us know how it goes?

Just checked the FB, i have replies from her cousins. One cussed me out told me ti control my husband, yet the rest say this is not the first time! Wtf! Definitely a number change is needed. Anything else to prevent this ho from contacting again?

Kudos BH for hanging in there until the early hours to help J4 prep for her meeting today, not a good meeting to go to unprepared!

I hope you both managed to get some sleep.

So what's up? Did you meet him?

Except for these necessary gender corrections, Brainy:

1. end all contact with the OM OW for life

2. no more nights apart or going out without each other - create a healthy, integrated lifestyle

3. complete transparency - cell phone passwords, etc

4. no more opposite sex friendships

5. complete honesty about her his affair<s> � passing a polygraph

6. commit to the Marriage Builders program for recovery as outlined in the book Surviving an Affair.

congratulations on some superior, comprehensive advice to this poster!

Thank you everyone for all the awesme advice so far! Yes, we met. It did not go horrible i think. But no definite decision yet. I arrived and he looked like CRAP! I followed yalls advice and dressed up, he said I looked beautiful and if I was going anywhere. I said yes i had a meeting after, no further details. He of course went into the job loss as his most hurtful thing, he was about to be promoted etc. But he said he does not hate me, but himself for risking everything over nothing.
I told him i would not give him thr divorce, if he wanted it he had to do all the work, but i would fight it.
He asked why, and i basically memorized yalls advice, i said i realize now that i also made mistakes in our marriage but i wont take the blame for the affair, i said i had done soul searching and realized i was doing a lot of hateful things.
He asked how, i told him what he told me, he said he did not feel loved, and i said i know because i realize now i did not want to show you it, i did not think you deserved it. He agreed and said he is the one who caused it, i said well yeah we are separated because of how you chose to handle it, but i also admit my ways of being wrong.
Now, i said, i want to offer you a way for us to make our marriage better than it had ever been. And said i would commit to not making the same mistakes that pushed him away.
He said it is too soon, he doesnt feel anything because he is grieving his job loss etc.
I said thats fine, but i could not make promises as to what the future holds, but i would continue my changes because they make me feel better (i really do!).
He asked what my paperwork was (questionnaires). I told him, and he chose to keep them! I saw it as a positive right?!
He also told me a lot about the affair, such as times, how they met, when they spoke. He said it was nothing just sex. Is there anything more i should ask about that yet?
I made no demands, no crying, nothing! As i got up to leave he asked if that was it, i said yes i have to go, he asked me to stay and just sit with him.
He wanted sex! I denied him and left.

So how did i do? What are my next steps?

Also one of the OW family members is asking for the evidence. I deleted the OW admittance text, but have phone records and her cousins apology who also messaged me apologizing and saying it wasn't the first time she had done that. So what do i tell the other family member?

Please excuse any errors im on my cell in a parking lot lol. Have a meeting in 30.

Oh also, we left on good terms even if i denied him. He gave me a hug and said he would look over the questionnaires.

Also he was sulking for about the first hour but i was able to get him to laugh and joke around. I told him i always thought he had a nice smile. Did i throw myself at him? Making myself too available?

Your WH has admitted to the affair and given you the details.

You did fantastic! I have to tell you that your strength in how you handled that is nothing short of amazing.

Give him a few days to think about this. Based on his response that he 'isn't ready' and 'doesn't deserve it' is a bunch of fog talk. Do you think he is still in communication with her?

Now, you can start to wrap your head around the conditions that you need to outline for his approval in the case that he wants to try to reconcile your M.

EP's.

Make a list of EP's (many examples on this site) and have them ready. This will allow you to lay out a plan.

I will say that one point of MB is that you BOTH have to do this together. I understand that you wanted to tell him that he has to do all the work but R is a two way street.

If R is to occur, you will need to also reflect on the facts he gave you today and think of other questions you have which were not answered today.

He wanted sex? ha! What nerve! He will have to earn that one.

Glad he took the EN's Questionnaire. What you did is give him hope. Hope that you are open to the idea of R but rules have to be put in place.

Bravo! Sleep well tonight.

No way! You did great. You are showing him what he is going to lose if he doesn't get his crap together.

Pokerface, thanks. I will tell the family member that, and should I also forward her what her cousin said, that this wasn't the first time?

20YH, thank you! I felt so good leaving, but i will admit i am terrified for him to say no. He said he would like to find somewhere to live before anything.
Should i continue Plan A and be friendly, attractive etc around him, but let him initiate contact with me?
I will begin working on the EP's. I'm waiting.on SAA to arrive hopefully by Monday.
I highly doubt he is communicating with her, he left his phone records open. Also the OW cousin who apologized said OW has moved to NJ and told her she would never speak to him again.OW also texted me the night i found out and begged for forgiveness, asked for me to not divorce him, said she would never speak to him. Should i take any other precautions? Especially since WH and I are living separately?