My Husband came to me about 2 months ago and told me that he had been having a affair for few months and that the W was pregnant, I was very hurt he told me he wanted to work it out, with me but that he wanted the Child we don't have any child together I have 4, I told me husband that I understood we would want a child although when we married he told me that he did not want any, I told him, that we could try to work with this, but now he is telling me that the baby is not my business, I'm sure he is telling the OW he is not back at home with me, I asked him about the do date, he will not tell me so I think he is also lying about how far along she is, I love my husband and I for a time I thought he loved me, I'm not so sure now we hard a great life together we did everything, I feel I should walk away he told me I should just forget about the baby, and we live our life, and he will deal with the child it sounds to me like he is trying to have his cake or please the OW, he is talk about child support a lot I'm so hurt I told him he had to leave our home this morning that I don't want to see or hear from him that the OW and the baby can have him is this a loss cause I feel hopeless 1 week I'm his everything and we can make it thru this the next week he is a butt (you know) I feel I have to take myself out of this I can not take it any more. I'm sorry I'm all over the place I'm in some much pain I don't know what to do. any input would be of great help.

Hello LovingUs,

You have come to the right place! Please order the book "Surviving An Affair" by Dr. Harley. You can do so in the book store at the top of the website. Also, start reading through the threads on this forum. You should protect your share of your marital assets before the OW gives birth and files for child support. I would suggest you see a family attorney for advice as soon as possible.

Your biggest issue RIGHT NOW is not the OC but the fact that your husband is still actively involved in the affair. You are correct that he is cake eating and trying to appease both you and the OW. Getting him to end the affair and go no contact with the OW is your first priority.

Hello Faithful Follower,

We don't have kids together, and I have a per-nump in place
so I'm not worried about money, He is not going to stop talking to the OW, because he wants this OC she has 4 kids already, I'm not sure what it is she is looking for, so at this point I can only stop talking or seeing him, cut it off I think Plan B. I told my family but his family does not care about him very much let alone care about me and my pain, so they are no help in this case. I think he loves me very much and I love him, but is this a lost cause that is how I'm feeling he has said some painful things to me then he comes to me asking can we have a baby, I just had to look at him like a crazy person.

Hello everyone,

I really don't see how I can work on getting H end affair and have no contact if he wants the child he is going to Doctor's Appts with her and supporting her I don't see many way to save this Marriage at this time, I just don't.He will come home if I don't say anything about it and let him be but I'm not going to let him hurt me like that, I feel the best is to let him go and save myself
I an not understand how someone can be so mean someone how states that they love you more then anything and will not let this get in our way but at the next turn, tells me it is not my business.

I'm really looking for some help here Please.

Can you email Dr. Harley?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

Thank you I will. Email Her.

Have you been to your doctor? How are you sleeping?

LovingUs, you are taking a terrible emotional beating while your WH has the best of both worlds. You have no children together. You have a pre-nup that I presume will protect your assets. Your husband is blatantly building a future with OW and his child of adultery.

You don't say how long you've been married, but I suspect it's been for a very short period of time. My suggestion to you would be to file for divorce to protect yourself and your four children. I'm sorry. He's not a keeper.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on why you would want to stay with this man.

Who is 'us'?

** MODERATOR'S NOTE: Let's stick to helping this poster with MB concepts or refrain from posting! **

Really? Have you ever listened to MB radio or even looked at the MB radio page?

I can't even tell if this is a serious question????

Not sleeping well wake up in the middle of the night always on my mind not working well, not eating. I can not seam to get out of this. No I have not seen a doctor.

Hello maritalbliss

We have been married 8 years, Great life together I don't think I want to be married to him I want the pain to stop and get a clear head before making a move, about Two years ago I started seeing changes with my H, I found out that he is ADHD and stop taking his meds I don't know why he will not talk to me about it, I've been in contact with the only person he will talk to about his issues I know my husband loves me, and I him His friend as told me that he is tell H that he should get back on track, but something is going on with him, that his life has never been this bad, but that he does know that when he with me he is very happy. I'm really trying to help him, but it is very hard and painful it is not just a black and white issue. But I know I have to remove myself from it we can not do anything until he works on his own issues, and I'm know sure if he will, and if I will or want to wait, for him to work it out. He is now a very hard person to dill with I can not talk to him, until he comes to me so upset with his self that he can not deal. From what I've seen in the pass two years This OW will not last, and Taking with his friend he does not want the OW but he does want the Child now, You know this is so messed up H is a product of an affair, and His father treats him so very bad, My H has a step brother that is the same age has H after he got my H mother pregnant he got his wife pregnant, That is the same mess my H was trying to pull on me, but he has ways stated he did not wants kids that may have changed I don't so, I think it is more that My H step brother just had a baby and H father is in love it and his is trying to get father approval at any cause, and It does not help that the father does not like me at all and mother in-law wants her son back so they are telling H they are happy about the Child.
they welcome the child. that pushes me out. So the question is do I wait it out because it is going to fall apart or do I say this mess I don't need him and all the crazies in his life. I don't know Please add your thoughts writing about his has been very helpful this morning. I can see a start of s better day.

Hello BrainHurts,

I listen everyday and to the archives, and I have down loaded most of the books to read and I'm not sure If I'm asking a question or just look for someone to just listen to my pain. I'm not sure what I want at this time, just a ear maybe just a ear.

But thank you any way.

The quoted portion of the post by BrainHurts above was not directed at you or your question(s). It was directed at SmilingWoman for interrupting your thread with a silly question about an oft posted MB Radio show directive originally written by Joyce.

"US" = Dr. and Mrs. Harley

Mr. Wondering

Hello maritalbliss

From what I have found out he does not know this OW they meat got together a few times and she is now 4 months pregnant she is married but not with her H at this time she has four kids of her own. It is a Mess

MrWondering


Thank you for clearing that up I did not catch that

Hello BrainHurts,

In a bad place trying to found out what I should
do run for the hills or stay and fight Thank you so much for
your support, and patience

Thank you so much Mr. W for clearing that up.

Yes LovingUs it was not towards you at all. I really would like you to email the Harleys because they are so patient and supportive.

Sometimes we have posters whom ask questions to start stuff and I apologize on their behalf for starting stuff on your thread at such a delicate time.

to you my friend.

Email them and let us know what they say.

If he decides to have the OC in your lives will he have an IM for contact about finances/medical and allow someone else to do the drop offs/pick ups?

Is he willing to go NC for life with OW? Dr. Harley says to put your marriage first and have NC for life with OW. Will your WH do this? If he won't, then you will need to go to Plan B.

Have both you and your WH been tested for STD/STIs?

Hello BrainHurts

I'm not sure what his plan is I have gone to plan B because he will not tell me anything he gets very mad he does not want to talk about it at all like it will go away, I know from his Friend that he told the OW he wants stay in the marriage and OW is not happy about that and now wants support for doctors visits and what kind of child support she can get from him, To tell you the truth I'm not sure that OW or OC will be an issue if he can't get his impulse and anger under control with the understanding that I have of ADHD he will move on to something else, leaving me and the OW/OC If he can get his head together then we can work on this issue with the OW and I'm sure he will work with me. and Yes He came home and told me he had a STD, I was tested and treated just in case and will be tested again. He is now self medicating with drinking. It is a mess and I don't know what to do I'm trying to remember the man I fail in love with because this man in front of me now is not him. and I can not get to him.
I just want to run

I completely agree. Even "if" he agreed to come back and work on the marriage and have NC with the OW having the OC in your life will create too much pain for you.