Here.
Craziest Things to Come out of a Wayward's Piehole

Thanks BH!

Let him know that you are not going to keep his secrets and have reached out for support to kill his affair and recover your marriage. Do not deny or apologize for exposure.

Have you seen this:

I informed him i did speak to his ex boss and said i didn't realize he had informants. He said does it matter if i di.He asked about what was talked about, i asked if it mattered. He said ok. I said i am attempting to communicate with you in a nice manner, but i wont accept you demanding from me. He said ok. I asked if he would like to talk later he asked about what, i said what you asked about he said no, you're right it doesn't matter. I said okay have a great day . He said ok.
Lol that is the sum if it, nothing from his part.
Should i ask about the questionnaires? Do i offer the EPs? Seems he is not wanting to recover.

So i was analyzing my H and I's relationship at the moment. I think he is somewhat Plan B'ing me. He wont say where he is staying beside saying a friend. He wont contact. Wont call unless he needs something. No updates at all unless i ask. Zilch, nada. Is this normal for the WS? For them to withdraw and make the BS feel like shi*?
Gosh this PMO!

Sounds like he's with the OW, in which case...yes.

Well i would believe it, except the OW family contacted me and said they were handling it, she moved to NJ. I am not sure if they are still communicating though. So that could also be something correct?

His actions would say the affair is still on.

How do you know 100% sure that they aren't communicating? A true repentant wayward would want his BW to know where he is.

You don't have access to his work phone, correct? So how do you know?

Are you starting to prepare for Plan B?

You're right, I don't and cant know for sure. We haven't talked about recovery or reconciling, i told him my offer, he said it is too soon. I said that's fine, can't make promises for the future, but that I am willing to forgive him and work on us for a better marriage.
He is not working, he was fired. He just called me and told me he got a job and starts on Sunday so if I could let him see our son. I agreed.
Should I begin a Plan B without offering the EP's? Seems we are going to be Plan B-ing each other.
In a way, i feel he wants me to detach so that i can get over him and he doesn't have to hurt me anymore...

In the Plan B letter you would give him your conditions to work on recover.

Did he move out or did you ask him to leave?

You are talking every day, right? That is what you want.

Just remember it took a long time for him to fall out of love with you and it is going to take some time now that this is exposed for him to get his head together.

I would give it 2 or 3 weeks before you make any decisions about considering Plan B.

Think about giving him your conditions about him moving back in and then give him some time to consider it. A lot has happened in the last few weeks

Just try to relax right now. No rash decisions. You both are making decisions about the future of your M.

As much as you want him to run home right now it isn't likely going to happen that way.

The point is it is easy to look at each and every interaction as the make or break of everything which isn't what is happening right now. You are probably both highly emotional at this point in time.

Just relax......things are happening more quickly than you reealize. One step a a time.

I made him leave. And for Plan B, will he even care? I guess this is the defining point correct? Whether he choose to or not, my goal is to move forward..

20YH, we are talking but only if i initiate. Is that still okay? And i do keep the convos light. I think he is still hung up on job loss. I don't want to jump into Plan B without having even talked anything...
So between two vets BH and 20yh, what should i do?

Nothing right now besides a kick butt Plan A. That's it.

I kicked my W out on dday and she was out of the house for 9 mos with a FR and now we are recovering. I know what I am talking about.

Relax.

We are dealing with a WH and not a WW. Dr. Harley is very clear that they aren't handled the same.

Plan A for WWs is different from WHs. Dr. Harley is very clear that a WH should come back on bended knee asking for forgiveness. Dr. Harley will recommend BHs to Plan A much longer than BWs.

What does he say if you ask him to move back?

When you do communicate be on your best Plan A. No love busters.
When is he seeing your DD5?

Will he write a NC letter?

J4, you should stop thinking of his behavior in terms of a rational adult's approach.

He is:
1 - an addict
2 - a spoiled child, formerly getting dessert (ENs) from two sources

So, you have taken away his crack-pipe (heroin needle?) AND his favorite toy! He's going to resort to the age-old response, consistent with his current maturity level, and.....pout! Don't be surprised if he figuratively threatens to hold his breath until he turns blue!

Your job now is to start working on YOU, making yourself into the best jmaguil4 imaginable! Go to the gym! Get your hair/nails done! If you feel motivated to call, it should be on the order of, "I'm thinking of trying out the new restaurant in town. Care to join me?" If "No!" call a girlfriend, and go anyway, and tell him the next day what a SUPER time you had!

He may be a WH, but he's still a male, and the male's job is to acquire(?) suitably desirable females. Be that female!

So I messed up horribly, I hadn't cried in over a week, felt strong but now, I think we truly are over. And mainly because I think I am not in love with him either. I'm not sure where I stand myself. Maybe I need self reflection for myself to see if I do love WH or if I am just afraid of being alone, my sons future etc.
We met earlier today, I asked him, at our favorite park. Yes, I did want it. We ended back at my place and had sex. It was rushed, I did not feel anything special, but I got the ending I wanted. He said I love you, yada yada.
He asked me to bring DS later, which i did, and now I know he is not at OW, because the other two older men where there. It is a [censored] hole, but my son wanted to see him. He did not hug me or ask anything, just showed me his corner where he sleeps and said okay bye.
I felt offended so I committed a LB, and text him " I guess I'm just good enough to f*** and toss." He replied "Well we won't anymore since you're not comfortable" I replied " you're right, it was JUST sex, did not feel like making love and will not happen again. Sorry for exploding." To which he replied "You seriously think we are getting back together" Which threw me off completely. I asked him to call me, he did. The following is a summary. And not once did I cry =)!:
"Look, we are never getting back together. I don't feel it anymore and I've messed up so bad. You are acting like nothing happened and I am loosing everything. I don't even have 1 dollar anymore and our son is asking for a toy. I was unhappy for a long time, I did not leave you for that girl. It was just sex and I could give two [censored] about her. I don't know anything about her, except that she is a ho. You can check on me all you want, I dont care for her. I just want to be alone. I do not plan on ever getting back, no actually i KNOW we are never getting back together. Things are never gonna be the same. I just want to work. You can come here whenever you wont find her, you can call her, I don't care. I did not leave you for her,I left cause I was unhappy and so were you"
That's about the sum of his speech, to which i replied calmly:
"If you think I was begging for you to come back or expecting you to you are wrong. I told you to leave (which he says he was going to anyway at some point but did not want to hurt me) and meant it. All the other times i asked for us to work. Obviously by me stating that I would be willing to work on us, offering the ENQ I was making you feel pressured, plus the sex, and you probably felt you had to tell me you love me. I apologize for making you feel trapped. I told you I did not feel 100% ready either and who knows where we would be in a few months, with or without each other. (He said he knows it will never happen, not 6 months, year, or 10 years).
I asked why he agreed to it on Monday before he was fired, he said because he had hope but lost everything cause of his job loss and doesn't feel anything anymore. He wanted to have sex as a form of closure for himself because he knows he screwed up the best thing he had and he would not do it ever again.
So here I am, I did cry for a bit but I don't feel like dying, I don't feel much right now. I didn't think i was LBing him, but he does.
So, i guess its Plan B, or me give him the D?

I think we were in an almost FR, I think he was Plan B-ing me because he wants me to get over him. So I don't know where to go. He still wants me to text him, but nothing about us ever again, only happy texts. So....
My brain is empty, I don't feel like crying anymore after a short 5 minute session, maybe he is right. I should move on.
Sorry guys if I sound depressed, I really am lost more so now than before.