Good day everyone.
Not to be too long winded, I am celebrating a 30 year marriage in September to my HS sweet heart. At 51, I am finding myself becoming rather reserved, finding it difficult to hold my wife's hand, be passionate, effectionate, close and / or show any emotion. I am no longer the dominent driver in the relationship, sexual or otherwise, my bride of 30 years has never been the agressor so that leaves me to be so. With there being no outside influences and my being faithful, I am intrigued by this lack of either confidence, desire, ability or mind troubling situation that I have definitely noticed. My mind may say yes but my inability to act, for some unknown reason is rather troublesome. At the end of the day, I am actually somewhat afraid to act and find it troubling why this is. Is this something that happens to us over the age of 50? Is my reserved and quite manner or a fear... if that what it's called, something that happens with age? I can think of nothing more these days than to want to be with my bride of 30 years but the ability to act, as it seems to be my biggest fear at the moment, is not going away. Has anyone experienced a situation like this?
I have also noticed that I am not able to really talk about this with my bride. Too shy I guess. I believe the judgment or the excuse will come about that seems to be so popular these days. I would appreciate any insight, questions or comments if you have or are going thru this or a similar situation in your marriage, please share with me how you were able to to help or resolve this.

Welcome to MB.

Have you read this?
Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

Here's another fantastic article.

Four Rules for a Successful Marriage

737, you should be able to talk about anything with your wife. She is your partner. You're 'too shy' around her?? After 30 years??

In any event. You may want to have a physical performed with your doctor to eliminate any problems that could be affecting your relations with your wife.

Here's another.
The Policy of Radical Honesty

I certainly wouldn't rule out a physical, maybe have your testosterone levels checked.

I work in elder care and rehabilitation, and some older men who have started testosterone replacement therapy really, really love the results in just thier mood and energy levels.

In addition, you can check your diet, and implement exercise.


Now, that being said... those things may help improve your mood and outlook... but! improving your marriage and attitude towards your wife is going to take something else, and you can learn what that is here.

Take some time to read over the basic concepts, specifically; The Policy of Radical Honesty, The Policy of Joint Agreement, and the Policy of Undivided Attention.


PoUA is going to be your game-winner here, sir. You need to focus on spending enjoyable time together. Enjoyable and exciting for both of you.

It is always hard to talk about such things, but the best solution is Radical Honesty. You will find that is will not only solve this problem, but it will help your marriage overall.