I just found out that the affair my W claimed was over two years ago is now in full bloom and she wants to leave when the kids are gown, youngest is a sophomore... so Might have some time.<P>I've decided to give love without exception or expectation this time, as opposed to two years ago when I just "lost it" and drove her right back to him.<P>My question is for betrayers or anyone with that person's perspective. What's best for me to do... I know of Plan A, Plan B and NO love busters but am dying for any additional insight into the mind of the betrayer.<BR>

I pulled the thread from Noel to the top for you.

Thanks Trying

TexasMan:<P>The mind of a betrayer is a scary, confused place. Affairs don't make sense.<P>If you've got time, do Plan A, and then Plan B. Avoid lovebusters. Show her what a wonderful guy (and father) she's married to, and then when you're about at the end of your reserves, separation.<P>I'd suggest that you start marriage counseling with Steve Harley. He's great, and he'll be able to give you a lot of insight into your situation.

It's weird, TexasMan... you're post is exactly like Noel's. I'm glad TryingAgain brought it to the top for you. My response to her would be exactly as my response to you. Anyway, read that thread!<P>--airheart

As a W who betrayed, by best advise to you is not to repeat the behavior that you feel drove her to his arms last time... the "lost it" you mentioned. It's everything I can do to stay away from the OM sometimes because my H is "losing it" all over the place. I understand his pain and anger, as he was the betrayer 12 yrs. ago. I remember it well. One thing I can say for sure though, the OM looks tempting when he's all sweetness and light, and in the meantime the H is freaking out all over the place - yelling, following me, refusing to touch me, etc. It's not right, but it's truth. <P>As far as counseling, pick the right counselor, or you might find yourself in a worse situation. We (my H and I) are in the middle of a negative counseling situation. My H refuses to go back to the counselor we chose, and it took 20 yrs. to get him there!<P>It's hard, all this putting your marriage back together stuff, but I truly beleive it's worth the effort. Keep up the positives and get rid of the negatives... be the husband she can't keep from kissing, holding, loving... simplistic, but it works wonders!

Thanks NewB... I'm wondering your thoughts on more OVERT forms of affection... depending on how things are I'm thinking of something big for Ws 40th birthday in Oct... Birthdays are one area I've been very weak at and want to do something right yet not seem forced or a blatent Kiss up attempt.