married 20 yrs this sept, 3 children 18 15 11...went thru increased arguing period feb 11-may 11 resulting in removal of husband thru pfa...after meeting in court he wanted to reconcile..sought family counseling..not much success...feb 2013 recd packet in mail from his girlfriend ( feb 2011-june2011) she felt need to "inform" me....assuming she thought he would be out again and go back to her....claims everything was just messaging on FB, when she actually moved near here..was living 800 miles away...they went to HS together..he panicked and realized she was taking it too serious and fast...she waited almost 18 mos to inform me because oct 2012 he stopped all communication despite her threats to tell me...how do i move past resentment , every time he picks up cell phone or tablet I feel he could be communicating....i have email and password info now BUT at time he did this it was also thru fake name acct so I wouldn't know if he is doing again or not....he also communicated from house late at night when i was asleep and while supposed to be getting ready for work in bathroom.... I do okay some days but every time there is the slightest reminder I flip....He swears all things typed to her were lies , has sent her a nc email, I still don't trust....Told I need to move past this and I feel he is trying to minimize affair since he swears nothing physical...How and what do I do next????

Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain.

Have you read these?
Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

Is OW married?

Did you see this NC letter?

Has he changed all his contact information?

Nurse, please read the link BH posted for you.

It sounds like your WH wants to sweep this under the rug. That's not going to work. He needs to give you all the details of the affair that you require to begin healing. Has he done so?

You may want to require a polygraph to determine the extent of the affair. I would be suspicious that nothing physical has happened - the OW appears to have moved closer in anticipation of being with your husband. The move may have been a coincidence, but you'll need to make sure.

If your H is reluctant to take a polygraph you'll have a good idea that there is more that you don't know about.

OW was a highschool friend, she has been married twice and was getting divorced from second husband at the time, I did see the NC letter and her response to him, as far as I am aware he has changed all his contact info and he claims I have all his email addresses along with passwords.His FB acct I have all the info to yet my concern is this. He set up a phony FB profile to communicate with her last time (his name backwards) and most of his communication was from his workplace, so I have no access to that computer to see history etc....from the posts I see on her FB page it doesnt seem like they are in touch and she does comment negatively with regards to him...I cant move past the idea that if they are in touch they are just being more cautious and if not her what about someone else????I know its early on yet to decide and have trust in someone Im just so tired of second guessing....any suggestions????

At times he seems to want to just put this past us and not think about it anymore, his response" is this ended for me june 2011,I have been trying to forget every detail of this" He doesnt grasp for me I just discovered this feb 7 2013, its still very raw and new to me...his timeline of info that he has disclosed does match up with what I have learned on my own, little details come out every now and then on FB thru her page ex, she commented on while unpacking from yet another move she came across pics and cards from her forever man....when I confronted him about this he states there are no pics, any she has she would have printed off his FB page and as for cards he didnt remember but he thinks he gave her one...but cant remember why ( yes I know BS) claims he is trying to forget all about it. She is a professional headcase, she was in highschool, has six kids by different fathers, the custody of the first two were given to the father, the other four all have some sort of disability and of course her story if the second husband was to blame for everything, she claims she was moving back here, same area as raised to be with her forever man, hadnt seen or spoken to him in over 22 years yet after 3 months of talking on computer uprooted her children from their father to chase my husband. Story is when he realized she took it all too seriously and actually made the move he panicked, He said it was all a nice fantasy to have someone speak nice to you with out commitment, but when she showed up for real he thought she was sort of crazy, he also states hearing nice things in person from someone you dont have those type of feelings for doesnt mean a thing.I am pretty positive he wiil not agree to a polygraph and im not so sure i believe in them 100%, I did insist he tell our children what occurred and I feel our family should know...parents etc. I do still have a feeling that there is more details yet the physical part i tend to believe him on and only for this one reason, she is a skank enough type of person to brag about sexual acts, she does publicly on her page , yet in our confrontations and when I asked her directly when she started sleeping with my husband she denies anything happened, I would think if something did she would use the opportunity to hurt me.Her posts are all about her being the victim(again) and why is she never good enough for any man etc....any thoughts???