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My wife and I of 16 years are having issues. I feel that she spends way to much money to the point that I am always stressed. When I ask her to stick to a budget, she just ignores it and just spends whatever she wants.
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My wife and I of 16 years are having issues. I feel that she spends way to much money to the point that I am always stressed. When I ask her to stick to a budget, she just ignores it and just spends whatever she wants. Welcome to MB. Have you read the basic concepts? Read about POJA?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Aug 2013
Posts: 30
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I have read. I have explained it to my wife but she states she is done with all marriage advice. Tired of hearing about things from books.
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I have read. I have explained it to my wife but she states she is done with all marriage advice. Tired of hearing about things from books. Can you afford MB coaching or the online program?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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We cannot afford that. That is partially the issue. Any amount we spend that is not in our budget puts us into a really big bind. I am the sole bread winner and she cannot work as she was diagnosed with Lupus a few years ago.
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My problem is unnecesary spending like decorations for my daughters school locker and buying a dog that we had not even remotely discussed.
Last edited by jaw3545; 08/02/13 03:33 PM. Reason: typo
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My problem is unnecesary spending like decorations for my daughters school locker and buying a dog that we had not even remotely discussed. Did you read about POJA? What does she say when you ask her why she bought the puppy? Does she understand your financial situation?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I did read the POJA.
She had many excuses about why she bought the puppy. The very next day she had to take it to the vet and it had a staph infection. That was a 132 bill. Then i was stuck bathing the dog every other day in a medicated shampoo because my wife's medication put her at risk.
I think she does understand our finances, but really does not care.
Another example was yesterday. She and a friend wanted to take my daughter to the movies. I said ok because she had been cooped up in the house for a few days. I asked her just to buy the movie tickets, popcorn and get some fast food afterwards if they were still hungry. After all was said and done, she ended up spending $140 and this did not even include the movie tickets.
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The first problem I see is your Disrespectful Judgements. These will need to be eliminated first before you can negotiate finances with your wife.
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What disrespectful judgement did i do?
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The challenge you are facing is how to get your wife on board with the idea of making your decisions together.
To start with, I would learn to complain respectfully about her specific spending. Example: "I'm not happy with owning a dog, and I don't want to keep it." Make sure that what you say to her is a statement about your feelings, as opposed to a debatable statement about whether a purchase is necessary or unnecessary.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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If i make one comment about not being able to afford something i get the evil look and then i get the cold shoulder for a few days.
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I feel that she spends way to much money - Disrespectful Judgement (DJ)
When I ask her to stick to a budget, she just ignores it and just spends whatever she wants - Demand and DJ
I have explained it to my wife but - DJ
My problem is unnecesary spending - DJ
i get the evil look - DJ
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I don't see a difference in saying I am unhappy about something being bought and the dj listed above
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And how can asking someone to do something be a demand.
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And how can asking someone to do something be a demand. It depends on how you react afterward when she declines your request.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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I have had many AO over this
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I feel like I am just a paycheck and don't have any voice in decisions.
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I have had many AO over this What are you doing to eliminate these? What are you doing to eliminate your Love Busters?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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