Do you have the book Love Busters?

Have you seen this?
Anger Management 101

The very first thing is to eliminate your own Love Busters, and learn to communicate effectively and respectfully.

You are here seeking help, and the first and most effective thing we can do is to help you clean up your side of the street.

Once you pave the way, your wife will be left with the choice to follow... or not.

I will do whatever is necessary. Holding my tongue when I see disaster coming is very difficult. She is the most important thing to me on this earth. Right now she is not talking to me.

It has now been 3 days and my wife has not said a word to me. We are usually very cuddly in bed but this morning when i reached for her hand she pushed me away.

I think it would be okay to simply state "I feel disrespected when you give me the silent treatment. I apologize for contributing to you being unhappy."

I am pretty sure my wife knows that the silent treatment is very hurtful to me. I have told her stories of my childhood where my dad did not speak to me for 6 months because I did not play a sport he wanted me to.

She did get up this morning and tell me she was going to go tan. That was all she said. I know I am a man, but I am at constant tears.

You need to tell her that it hurts you when she gives you the silent treatment.

You can't assume she knows.

Have you seen this?
When Should you Tell your Spouse, "We Have a Problem"

I told her it really hurts when she won't talk to me. She just looked at me and walked away.

Have you emailed Dr. Harley?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

No I have not emailed Dr. Harley. I figured I would get the advice I need here.

What better advice than from the good doctor himself? Also it's free.

You just need to send an email.

Have you read any of Dr.Harley's books?

I have read many of his books. His needs , her needs. Love busters. Falling in love and staying in love. My wife and i used his devotional for couples for a while.

Is your wife on board with MB principles?

I have tried to get her on board but she says she doesn't want hear about anything from a marriage book.

I have faced this situation many times in my own marriage. I would advise not saying this to her. My wife finds it demanding and disrespectful for me to say these things. (I know - I used to say this all the time!!)

Don't demand that your wife talk to you, even when there's a problem. Instead, let it be her decision. Remember when I said above that the difference between a demand and a request is what you do when your wife says no? Let her say no; let her decline.

When she doesn't feel like she HAS to talk to you, that will be one less source of love bank withdrawals - meaning you will be helping her get to the point where she wants to willingly talk to you.

I don't know how much more I can take running on empty. I really miss her being affectionate toward me.

This is the first bucket of sand.

What you need right now is a plan to reengage your wife and improve your marriage, and this advice by Kilted Thrower is an excellent start.

So, let's expand and create a little priority list for what you can do;

1) Eliminate your Love Busters - read up again, and focus on the these three marriage nukes; Disrespectful Judgments, Selfish Demands, and Angry (or other emotional) Outbursts. Also; focus on not reacting to her Love Busters with Love Busters of your own. Focus on remaining diligent and pleasant.

2) Start scheduling out UA time, review The Policy of Undivided Attention. Try to schedule out 3-4 dates each week out of the house. Since money is the issue, do some research for free or low-cost activities that you will both enjoy.

3) Make yourself an expert in meeting your wife's emotional needs. If she will, have her fill out an Emotional Needs Questionnaire.

4) Begin respectfully communicating her Love Busters in a manner similar to KT's suggestion.

Start with these for 4-6 weeks, and report your progress.

My wife just left to shopping with my daughter. She did not say a word to me while getting ready. When she left she just said she would be back in a little while.

I didn't see a demand in what he said. He said he told her he finds it hurtful when she walks away. It would be the same if she were screaming at him and he said he finds it hurtful when she screams at him. Both actions are abusive and both are disrespectful.

I'm in no way saying I think you're wrong, Marcos. That's just my take on it.

Have you two sat down and discussed a spending budget? My wife and I take out a certain amount in cash each check to use as fun money