It's been four years since D Day. WH fell head-over-heels with a "girl" (both now in fifties) he knew in high school. Initially said he didn't want divorce, could still be a good husband EVEN THOUGH he would continue his long distance relationship with her. I went through such unbelievable pain, just as many of you have. It was hard getting him out of the house because he wanted to stay while continuing his affair. He started applying for jobs where she lived (700 miles away).

I asked him how he could think about abandoning his family, especially his two sons. He rationalized it all ... "I'll be able to provide for them better financially. I'll see them at least four times a year and talk to them on the phone every day ..." The man that I married was now somebody else and somebody I could no longer abide. We divorced 15 months after D Day and he moved immediately to her city and married her two months later.

Well, he never got that dream job. He�s been working low paying jobs that he hates. He has trouble keeping up with child support. He�s gotten to see his boys only ONCE a year the last two years which hurts my children terribly. But his life is bliss, right? After all, he�s with his �soul mate,� the one who was worth giving up his wife, his children, his friends, his job, his memories, his past � all of that! But it was so worth it, right?

WRONG! When the boys were leaving after their visit last month, WH told me he wished he was coming back with them. Yup. After only 2 � years of marriage to his �baby doll� he wants out because he misses his children so much. Oh yeah, plus that big elephant in the room called �REALITY� smacking him in the face.

Truth be told, I hope he does come back. Not for me. I�m done with him but his boys need him in their lives. They need him close by.

I wanted to write this for the people here who have been betrayed and wonder whether their WH/WW will ever come out of the fog, will ever realize the hurt and destruction they�ve caused their family. I wasn�t willing to try to save my marriage because he wouldn�t even consider giving her up. That was a deal breaker, obviously. But for the so many here who want to save their marriages, there�s hope.

I never, in a million years, thought my husband would cheat on me or that we�d end up divorced. And once that happened I was absolutely certain that his would have been one of the few affair marriages that succeeded because he was sooooooo in love with her (gag). Statistically speaking, as many as 80 percent of affair marriages fail within 5 years. His has lasted 2 � years and he�s ready to bail.

There�s something to be said for statistics after all. I found great support on this forum; people who could guide me through those early weeks when I could barely breathe. And while my marriage couldn�t/wouldn�t be saved, my time spent here was extremely beneficial. Good luck to all of you who want to heal � with or without your significant other.

Yes, it is amazing how it plays out the same in so many cases. My XH is going through the exact same reality check right now. Our Dday was just over 4 years ago. He never married her and he kept ds (now 13) mostly away from her...and now they are broken up.

I went straight to Plan D with him but for those who would have wanted to save their marriage....there is hope. I don't think he would have ever reached this level of reality if I had tried to save the marriage. And honestly I could not have lived with him again after all he did to me.

And for those considering blowing up their life for the thrill of an affair...I promise you it will not be worth it.

Dear Reva,

Even though your marriage ended, YOU are still a success story. Many blessings to you. That was a great post.

FF

Amazing post, Reva, and I also appreciate what Smiling Woman wrote. My story is much the same as yours, only the amounts of time involved are different, plus the fact that my husband's affair began as an illegal PA with his underage student. He hasn't left me yet, but it's only a matter of time. He too will cross several states to be with his AP, who he has not laid eyes on in real life for over 30 years. This man desperately needs a huge smack of reality! Had an emotional talk with our children last night, where they did a great job of communicating their hurt over this to him. As far as I can tell, he is unmoved, and continuing on his course to be gone before the end of the month.

Yes, very good post. I keep hoping my WW will see the error of her ways and how much she has hurt the family, and will make a change but I'm not sure if it will ever happen.