I will start off with my background I am 28 years old and my wife is 25. We have been together for 8 years and only married for 10 months. No kids just a dog. No abuse. We both hardly ever drink/ no drugs. We both have steady jobs but she absolutely hates hers.


Like every relationship we have had our share of fights throughout the years. But when we would fight we would not talk about it we would text and ignore each other. But after a few days we would go back to normal and it would feel like love again.


I am in the military and had annual training coming up. Everything was going good. She was ordering canvas prints of our wedding photos and planning on how she was going to decorate the house while I was gone. It was good.


I left for annual training which is two weeks long. We did not talk much while I was gone but we texted everyday. My wife even came to see me one day while I was there. When I returned home is when things got complicated. I returned on a 26 July and things seemed ok but a little odd.


27 July, we spent the day together but I noticed she was being distant. Not wanting to cuddle or hold my hand just no affection. On the evening of 27 July she told me "I know you just got home but can I go out with my friends." I told her that was fine even though it upset me. She went out and we began to text. I told her she was acting distant and this made her angry that I was confronting her. This turned into a fight.


28 July, since we fought the night before we didn't talk at all. 29 July, I go to work and upon my return she has a bag packed and tells me she is going to stay w/ her friend for a few days.(She went to stay w/ her parents who live 6 houses down from ours)


I ask why and she tells me that she is not happy and hasn't been for a long time. You need someone who is going to take care of you. She tells me its not you its me. I asked her if she was leaving me and she said yes this is probably going to end in divorce. She said give me my space and let me figure this out.


I could not do that I was scared and shocked, I was texting her the whole night pleading for her to try to work this out. She kept telling me she is over it and its too far gone. She said I love you but I am not in love with you.


30 July, the texting continues in the same fashion I am pleading for our marriage but she is not having it. She keeps apologizing for putting me through this.


31 July, there is not much contact she has started to be short with me. Telling me she needs her space. I being scared did not do that I kept texting and started to wonder if there was someone else.


1 August, I am at work miserable not knowing what to do and wondering if there was someone else. I began to snoop. I got online and looked at her phone records and noticed that on the 24th of July(two days before I got home) she started texting a phone number that looked familiar.


I typed it in on my phone and a childhood friend's number pops up.( A$$ hat lives three doors down from our house) I began to search further and the texting had not stopped starting usually around 7 a.m and not ending until midnight. She was texting him while she was with me.


I freaked out and came home from work cause I was going crazy thinking about this. She not knowing I was home, came home from work to let our dog out. Then I confronted her. told her I knew and she kept trying to deny it. I told her about the phone records and she said he has nothing to do with this.(Mind you he has two DUI's, smokes, no drivers license and will be put on house arrest in September for 90 days)MY wife hates smoker and people who drink every night of the week which he does.


I began to feel worthless cause he is a loser and 100% opposite of me. I have always given her everything she wanted. I began to cry and ask for her to stop texting him and she avoided it and told me again she does not want to be in this anymore. She doesn't want to be talked into something she doesn't really want. I broke down started having a panic attack and crying like crazy. She hugged me and told me she was sorry for doing this. She then told me she had to go back to work and she loved me.


I texted her when she got to work and asked if we could sit down and talk(mind you this whole time she has been avoiding physical contact w/ me)she agreed. I left it at that. Later that evening I hadn't heard from her so texted and asked if she was still coming by. Her response I don't think so I don't want to be talked into something I don't want.


I texted and asked if she would come get the dog, I did not want to be alone and was going to stay with a close friend. I told her who he was.After I left she came and got the dog.


2 August, we text and she tells me she I still done. I ask her to go to marriage counseling and she tells me " no I offered in the past and you said we didn't need it", which I did. She also tells me you will never be able to get over this and now everyone knows and will hate me. I assure her that I love her she is my best friend and I can get past this.


She fights it but eventually gives in. She has agreed to marriage counseling, so I set it up. The earliest we could get in is Thursday August 8th. She says she will go. I tell her I want to do this cause it will help our marriage and help me get over this. So we can start communicating and compromising on everything and she agrees.


I tell her I love her with all my heart and always will. She responds I know me too. I offer to take the dog back cause I know she has a busy weekend helping with a golf classic. She agrees for me to help and tells me he needs to go to the vet. I agree to take him and she keeps thanking me for helping. I have been texting her every night telling her I love and miss her. Every time no response. I text her and tell her I will text her after his appointment. She responds ok.


3 August, I take the dog to the vet then text her tell her what's going on with him and she thanks me and seems normal. We text throughout the day nothing big just small talk. That evening she starts getting short with me. instead of getting upset I leave her alone.


I go on a motorcycle ride with my buddy and get home around 11. I have to drive by her parents and A$$ hats house to get to ours. I notice her car is at home and all his lights are on. I text her and ask what's up no response. I text a little bit later and no response.


Now my initial thought is she is with him. I start to think crazy thoughts about what they are doing. So I sneak over to his house and list in the windows. She is there and they are talking. I listen for a while then it gets quiet for a few minutes. He must have heard me cause he then comes outside.


I ask him what he is doing he says drinking a beer(imagine that) I asked him if I could have one and he invites me in. I walk in the kitchen and see her on his couch. She looks sick to her stomach knowing I know what's going on. I ask him to go outside and we talk. He tells me he stoop up for me and told her to work things out with me. He then says he has feelings for her. I asked if they had sex he says no they have only kissed. I believe this to be true. I walk in and talk to my wife alone.

She is furious. I assure her I am not angry I just don't understand why she is doing this. She says I am not happy and you cant make me happy. I assure her counseling will help and I can get over this. I ask her why she agreed to counseling she tells me so you can get over this and be ok. Again she tells me I will never be able to get over this. I ask her why is she down here and why did she kiss him. She states its my choice and walks outside.


Him and I begin to talk and he gets drunken angry. Tells me not to blame him for all of this. My marriage was broken and this is not his fault. He gets in my face and I tell him to calm down. He doesn't so I begin to get angry and want to kick this guys a$$. My wife tells me lets leave lets go home.


A$$ hat gets mad and slams the door and says have a nice fu**ing marriage. We go home and begin to talk. I am upset but calm. I assure her I can get past this and we can make this marriage work. I tell her she just has to leave him alone. She says can we just talk about this Thursday at counseling she is exhausted. She again asks for space. I agree to give her space and ask if I can still text her. She says yes. I think about and say I wont text you I want to give you real space his time.

I ask her to stay she says no. I ask her where she is going she says I'm going to my parents to sleep. I then ask my wife if she is going back to his house and she assures me she is not. I watch her leave and she goes right back to his house.

I stand outside and hear him yelling and see her storm out. A few minutes later I hear him slamming doors and punching his house and he goes after her. I then see them walking back together holding hands. I yelled at him to let them know I seen this. I then go inside and go to bed.

4 August, at 5 a.m. I sneak back to his house and peek in his bedroom window to see if she stayed the night in his bed. He was sleeping she was not in there. She comes over later in the day with her dad to get clothes. Her dad is friendly she wont even look at me she is holding her head in shame.

I have not text her and will not, I am trying to stick to my word. It is hard but I am successful so far. She is still staying at her parents as far as I know her car is there every night and morning. She has continued to come let the dog out the last two days as well. She did take my guns 5 August, she has told me she is scared I am going to hurt myself. She has not taken anything else from the house other than clothes as she needs them and stuff to get ready for work.

Since I have not talked to her I'm not sure if she is even going to show up to counseling on Thursday. I am really scared she is going to blow it off. She has not changed her name on facebook or changed her marital status. I did see on twitter she said " I cant wait for this weekend, so many fun things planned. How can she be so happy and I'm so miserable. This is just not fair.

I love her with all my heart. She is my best friend and my everything. I know and I am more than willing to work this out and get past this. Since she is not living at home and we are not talking I don't know how to accomplish this. I do not want a divorce I just want my beautiful loving wife back. I don't know what to do. I love her, please help.

LS,

OK be cool you need to record ever contact on OMs facebook, expose to ALL of them do not threaten or warn anyone, just do it. Also expose to OM family, church, work!

OM needs to move or you need to move you can't live that close to OM.

Don't give yourself the excuse that he is a loser and won't care, deep down everyone is concerned with their reputation, it will also shine a spotlight on the affair and kill it dead.

God Bless
Gamma

Thank you for your service.

Have you said anything to your WW to indicate you might harm yourself?
Is there any foundation for her thinking you might?

Welcome to MB and sorry for the pain that has brought you here.

Thank you for your service.

Have you read all of this?
Start Here First-Welcome Aboard

She did take my guns 5 August...

Report them stolen.

Thank you everyone for the posts and concern, it is really appreciated. I am not sure if I am ready to expose or if that is even right for me at this time. I have not done enough research on exposure yet and am not fully prepared.

I have not told her I was going to hurt myself. I did post a picture on FB of me doing 110 on my bike. Which she saw and got mad about. That was a stupid idea, but, I am not feeling any suicidal thoughts whatsoever. That is not even an issue, I like to ride fast sometimes.

We have not had contact since Saturday so I have not been able to ask why she took them. I have counseling scheduled for tomorrow, but I don't think she will show up. If she doesnt I will be crushed. What types of things should I avoid doing or saying during the session?

Thanks all,
L&S

We have not had contact since Saturday so I have not been able to ask why she took them.

Why the hell would you care about the motives of a thief? As long as they remain unreported as stolen you retain a legal liability for their (mis)use.

LESSON # 1 FOR A BH: Do NOT be afraid of angering the faithless wife.

Don't worry if she doesn't show up for counseling. Truly, counseling - even with someone excellent from MB - is a complete waste of time while the A is ongoing. And if the counselor doesn't stand firmly against the A, it can even be damaging.

That's why your focus needs to be on killing the A first, and then picking up the pieces after that's done. It's like facing a Hydra, and sitting down to examine your ingrown toenail instead of starting to chop its heads off.

Exposure isn't fun, not to do and not to receive, but I hope you'll see that it's necessary. In many cases it deals the A a death blow, and even if not it still takes a major hit. Your WW can continue to sneak around at will when no one but you knows what she's doing.

You should expose to all friends and family members of yours, hers, and OM's. Do it fast, without warning. Would you put up billboards announcing your surprise raid on the enemy? No, because they'd set you up and ambush you. Same here. You warn them, they go tell their family and friends that WW is leaving you because you've come back from your last tour a crazy stalker and she doesn't feel safe. Anything you try to say after that will be viewed within that perception, even though it's a blatant lie. You need to get your info first, unfiltered by the adulterers.

Also, please stop riding your bike dangerously fast. The life you save might be someone else's.

No more pleading or begging. You're worth being M'd to, and worth being faithful to. You don't need to plead and beg for her to see that - you're going to start demonstrating it with your actions. I hope to see you prepping for exposure right away, and then begin strategizing for your Plan A.

Nobody here would blame you a bit if you chose to D. No kids are involved, and you can just walk away, even from 8 years. But if you're going to fight, then get out the biggest and best tools you have. Plan A is like a drill, small but relentless, making cracks over time till it crumbles. Plan B is like a hammer, capitalizing on all the cracks that Plan A made.

Exposure is like a nuclear weapon. You'll face a much softer target if you employ it first.

Neak,

I really want to expose to kill the A, but, I do not have any physical proof. Just my word. OM and WW have told me they have kissed. I believe more has happened. I have already started thinking about exposure. I plan to write a letter to OM's parents and FB message his sister and brother. Write a letter to WW's sister, brother and parents as well. FB message WW's best friend.

I know it needs to happen all at once. How can I make that happen? I need help executing this. Any advice would be good advice, because I am totally lost. I need to do more research so the exposure will be perfect and effective. Any suggestions are welcome.

L&S

Here is your game plan. Most betrayed husbands haven't the courage to follow it fully,
to their own discomfiture. Those that do have remarkably better results than the rest.

NEVERGUESSED'S BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put a spy program on any cell that she might use. ("Eblaster" can cover #4 as well.)
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take "personal" calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and "on" whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife's contacts, to the tune of: "I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333"
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM's contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

Though it's helpful, you don't actually have to prove that intercourse took place. Both told you they had kissed, and you saw them blatantly holding hands. If you can't get anything else, even that would be enough.

That said, snooping is always a good idea. If you can uncover more concrete info in the next few days, use it. If you don't find more, what you have is already quite damaging. Most people would agree it's wrong for a married person to go around liplocking with someone else, even if that really was all that happened so far. (Which I doubt.)

Having decided to expose, you need to balance speed with tactical considerations. As long as it doesn't drag on without getting done, it's always best to take at least several days to prepare, and make sure it's done right. Your checklist is above.

Brace yourself - she'll be furious. That's a really good thing, and means that you hit your mark. OM will probably be furious, too. I recommend avoiding any more personal confrontations with him. He's likely to get stupid on you, and you don't want to spend any time in court trying to show that it was self-defense when you put a much-deserved smackdown on him.

NeverGuessed,

Thank you for the help I will be contacting you via personal message if thats ok? Some of these I kinow I can do. But alot of them will be very hard as my WS is not living with me and now has turned her other phone off and has a new one on her parents plan. She still has the same number though. I plan to get a keylogger asap on our home PC.

I got two VAR today that I plan to put in the house. One in the computer romm because she uses the computer almost everyday when she comes home to let the dog out. The other i plan to place in our bedroom since she seems to take clothes on a regular basis.

What to you consider sufficient evidence?

I am going to do more research on exposure and get my list together and prepare for the storm.

L&S

The PMs are disabled on this site.

We as board will help you through your trial.

Neak,

I plan to do more research. Take Friday night after work to come up with my list. This weekend I plan to see if I can get anymore evidence. I also plan to draft my exposure letters I will post examples for feedback and changes.

What do you mean tactical considerations?

What she did is wrong and if people care about her they would feel the same way. Especially, since her mom did the same thing to her dad. Her mom moved out and got a boyfriend. They are back together now but miserable.

I have been avoiding OM as much as possible but it is quite difficult when he lives three doors down. I know WS will be furious but I am ready for the A to stop. Once I expose do i answer her texts/calls if there are any?

Thanks
L&S

BrainHurts,

Ok I understand thank you for clarifying. I did not know you could not do that.

L&S

Uh friend this is more than enough proof to expose. You have his word saying he has feelings for her, she tells you they've kissed and you catch her at his house and you see them holding hands.

Giving her space is a mistake. You're in Plan A and you need to expose now.

Read this.
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

Also please read this. It has step by step of how to expose with exposure templates.

Does OM have Facebook? Copy all of his contacts into a word doc for later.

Get your exposure list together and sit down and do it in one sitting. When's the last time you talked to her?
Exposure 101

Your WW has admitted kissing him and you've witnessed them holding hands? Spending evenings together alone? All on top of her sudden dismissal of her wedding vows and your requests for these activities to end? Unless your exposure targets are completely brainless, they'll know what's going on.

That's evidence enough. Don't wait for them to crawl into bed together (I'm sorry to tell you that they already have.)You don't need the photos of them in all their naked shame in order to expose.

Follow NG's list as much as you can.

+1 on everything Neak said.

Check further back in the phone records, I suspect this has been going on for some time. She didn't decide to leave you in a 2 week period and the fact she left the house says a lot about how deep she is in the A.

Start assembling a time line. You can find this in the phone records. You are basically working a reverse investigation.

If she is using a smart phone and it was backed up to any computer that you have access to, pull those backups. Just google search for (iphone/android) back up viewer for whatever platform you are on (windows, mac).

Keylogger is crucial right now.


Don't believe anything WW says or what POSOM says. They are at best trickle truthing you. They admit to kissing, so assume they have slept together, I know that hurts, but it is likely reality.

You have to play catch up here and work fast, before they start weaving a tale of lies.


Expect WW to be curious and contact you, she wants to know your next move. So keep her off balance with Plan A as you setup exposure. Remember if she was so dead set on divorce, where are the papers? She is waffling, she doesn't know what she wants, so it's up to you to kill the A and guide her back.


Hang in there !

Lost, the only thing I can add to what others have already said is that you should sit down with your wife's parents and tell them the truth of what has been going on. Do this ASAP!