I think you are right on it sinking in more now. And I am realizing a lot because of this. It makes me almost glad it happened, it woke me up and made me look at myself. I guess overall it is just fear for what he will choose.. to remain miserable or to change...

Mr. E, that is what Dr. H said, I am hoping on getting at least a session in soon to see if I can get a more personalized plan. I am so glad that I found this forum, y'all give me peace when I am in turmoil. Y'all give me a heads up on what is going to happen, and how I should react. Thank you!

PF and NG, I definitely understand the not accepting him back without him having established his part first. I think in the past we have had many false recoveries and they have failed. Both of us just kept telling each other to forgive and forget. Now we are both scared to actually try because we have repeatedly hurt each other..

He keeps on repeating to me that he feels nothing at all. He does not hurt he does not love he does not care about anything. I just said, I think you want to convince yourself of that. Keep your head up and make great choices everyday. You will find happiness.

If he follows this plan, he will eventually feel something.

What you cannot permit him to do is to use "I feel nothing" as an excuse for doing nothing forever. He's going to have to decide what he wants to do. And the problem is that he can drag this decision out indefinitely, and waiting for it is painful for you.

So it is absolutely necessary that you start preparing for a future without him, which may be temporary or may be permanent. These preparations will be good for you and your own personal health, esteem, and recovery. They will ALSO be good for marital recovery, should he decide to join you. They will take care of you if he takes awhile and then decides he is going to do what it takes. They will take care of you if he decides his answer is "no."

It is important that you not let him subject you to waiting indefinitely. That will be a serious drain on your emotional and physical health, and it will put you in a situation where you will be seriously unprepared and vulnerable if he decides to suddenly leave you without him.

Dr. Harley says that Plan A must include preparations for Plan B:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8111_quit.html

I understand Markos, and I am currently preparing for Plan B.

I am continuously telling myself this needs to happen for my own good.

I will come out a better person, either alone or with WH.

I refuse to wait around for him, I will go to Plan B on 8/26.

My plan is we are dropping off DS5 together on first day of school, have breakfast together, last SF then he leaves and I give him the letter and addendum. I will have school to go to after so it works for me.
I will take his stuff to MIL house,(lives 3 mins away).
My number, email, and contact info will be changed, his number blocked.

Anything else I need to add or remove from my plan b?

And yes, I understand SF is not required, but I would like to. For my own closure, because seeing how this is going so far, WH is too damn lost and hard headed to see anything past his nose.

He is refusing to reply and is ignoring me at all cost, like I said before, I truly believe he wants ME to ignore him, so that it is easier for him. I continue to send him positive texts because I believe what 20YH said, it may plant a seed in there.

Regarding your plan B letter it is recommended that you do NOT hand it to him.
It should be delivered to him by a third party.

Understood.

OW contacted me this morning. She said "thanks for destroying my life. Since you told my whole family I HAVE TO go back to my country. I can never come back. Hope you feel better. Its even now, i destroyed your life and you destroyed mine. And i can sue you for blackmail because you scared me"

I know I maybe should not have responded. But i said "it will never be even. I was just trying to tell everyone the good news about yalls relationshit. Hope you have a good life. I still have your contact list. I am not threatening you, and it is nit slander. Goodbye"

So how was that? Oh and she reiterated that it was all WH, she is not talking to him etc, its all him. Etc.

That is an excellent sign that exposure hit the target.

You did well. Sue for slander? How is it slander when it's the truth? We've had many OW/OM threaten to sue. If they were ever to sue you can really tell the truth and have the truth recorded.

Do not respond to her anymore.

I wont! Lol I am so glad exposure worked.

But now it reminds me that it is up to WH to also NC. He keeps saying he is not but whose to know for sure...

I am finishing Plan B. We finally talked last night. I know y'all are right about the guilt eating at him, and the conflict within himself. And I totally agree now that Plan A totally confuses them, he actually admitted it. Lol. This is a rollercoaster of emotions..

Sometimes typos are very very accurate. Moreso with affairs, it is a realationshit.

here is my 2 cents as a fww:

it sounds like your husband is still in the fog but his seems to be clearing faster than mine did. shortly after my d-day, my husband confessed to me that he had kissed a woman when i was 7 months pregnant with our first child. i didnt care at all. a couple months later he told me that another woman has been asking him out. again, i didnt care. i was so deep in the fog i didn't care where he went or what he was doing (we were living separately after d-day). it appears that your husband is concerned about what you are doing and with whom. i think that is a good sign that he still cares.

as to behaviour changes, i had to be convinced that the changes in him were real. where they only temporary to get me back or will they be life long changes?? he convinced me by positive interactions with him. he was consistant in his new behaviour. i definately did not want our marriage to go back to the way it used to be.

my husband was also persistant. he didn't go straight for a divorce. he had constant interaction with me. i truly believe that if he would of just let me go, we would be divorced by now. i also believe that we would not be recovering if not for marriage builders.

after reading your thread, i still have hope for you and your husband. he is in a place where he is asking himself, what the #$^@ did i do??? what just happened?? how can she take me back after what i did to her?? hopefully he will come to realize that the only happiness he will find is with his wife and child and that he has to try to make that happen. marriage builders is that way.

(the above staements are only my observations and opinions. i do not claim to be a marriage builder expert. i am still learning and trying to live the program myself)

Clearmind, you have an amazing Husband who has been giving me hope when I have been on the verge of losing it.

I don't think he is concerned, he never asks about my day or what I am doing, the only time he has was the day I went to the beach. I still don't know if he was really bothered because there were other men there or if he was just pretending... the day after he said he did not care and just wanted a picture.

I agree on the behaviour changes having to be permanent, if after all this he still says no, then I will have avoided a painful marriage by his side. I'm just scared for it to be that choice.

How long did he pursuit you during Plan A?

I REALLY think he does not care, I know many of y'all keep repeating its WW fog but I feel it.. my heart feels so heavy. I know he is pushing me away.

Today I think I committed a LB without even trying, he surprised me by saying he would like to pick up DS5. I was at home in PJ's so of course I jumped in the shower and tried to make myself decent.
He asked where I was going, and I said oh with friends.
He asked if I was trying to make him jealous, and I said no unless its working.
I meant it as a joke, but he left very suddenly and said he would bring DS5 back at 8 in the AM. I said not possible because I have a job interview at 9 so if he could bring him later.
I texted him back that i was not going out I just wanted to dress up. He replied "I'm not mad live it up girl!".
I apologized and said I was not trying to make him mad.
He has not replied anymore.

What did I do now?!?!? Yeah I wanted him to notice but I feel so stupid now..

Oh also, OW family threatened to come down to TX and have a face to face with me. I changed my phone number and blocked them. They said I did not have to involve her family etc.

I reallyyyyyy feel like crap tonight. First time crying in a few days..

Do not put a lot of weight in what a ww says and acts. Look at thier actions in what they do. If he gets upset cause you dressed nice to go out. So what its his choice to be a stick in the mud. But you have to remember be vague be mysterios dont tell him you wanted to dress up for him. But still look your best just dont let him think its just for him.

Are all WW this difficult? I mean seriously my stomach is churning and I had to vomit after that.

Oh yeah also found out he signed up for sex webcam site.

UGhhh. Definitely going to need Nyquill tonight...

And I am getting AD's tomorrow. Mom says I am losing weight to quickly and is trying to force feed me. Lol.

My ww has told me all sorts of stuff. Even my favorite was my dsd heard her tell om friends I forced her to marry me. I guess she knocked me up and my parents did a shot gun wedding.

Lol, thank you Chit.

I feel better after coming on here and venting. I was going to text him back but I actually held back. I will wait until later to call DS5 and say goodnight.

Just wish this was over already...

If I remember correctly, your plan B date is currently scheduled for Aug 26th. However, you may not even know if you can last that long. If it gets to where you're feeling depressed and it's difficult to function, or you're feeling nauseated consistently, you may need to shorten your plan A. Remember, even in plan A you need to be sure to consider yourself and take care of yourself. If that means not knowing what he's signing up for or doing, you have your answer to the if and when of plan B.

It seems he's figuratively crumpled up and threw away your letter of "I want us to have a better marriage."

Aug 26?
The man is registering for sex hookups on the Internet and you continue to be willing to sleep with him.
That is insane. If you get AIDS how will that help you?

I suggest you go into Plan B

LL, i felt sick yesterday because OW contacted me. Beside that I am functioning well, just do not have an appetite, even WH asked why I am going out so much. Everyday is different, I still feel well enough to function. Its just when he LBs me it hurts, but I am definitely learning to bite my tongue, as someone else told me to do.

JK,yes 8/26. Dr.H recommended 3 weeks after my last AO. It ends up being 3 weeks and a few days.
He registered for a webcam porn site, I thought that was better than wondering if he was getting SF from OW, since he isn't getting it from me. I don't think you can get aids from the computer. Thank you JK, if this whole plan fails, I will remember you as the i told you so. And I mean that in a good way lol.

Typically when people are registering for Internet sex they are also having hookups on Craigslist and other sites.
Many threads in this forum describe this same scenario.
You are focused on the OW. There may be three more OW by the end of the week because he is actively seeking sex

To imply that he is 'hooking up for sex' right now is reckless seed planting in your mind. Unless you know for 100% sure, chances are this is not the case. many people sign up for porn on-line and it is never more than that. Not to imply that this okay but much different. Completely.

The OW is freaking out because of the consequences of HER choices. She is the one that ATTACKED YOUR M. For her to claim that you did HER harm is just psycho in my book. I say HA..too bad, should have thought about that before you hooked up with a married man. Let it go. Ok? She isn't going to do anything. Her actions are what brought this about...you are just spreading her good news!! She is Just blowing smoke...what a Skank. Your exposure worked beautifully.

I know how taxing this is on you. This 3 weeks probably seems like it is 6 months! If you can't hang in there, then I think it is absolutely reasonable to send him an email stating what you need to continue to communicate with him at this time. You know? If you can hold on 2 more weeks, then even better.

Try no to be TOO available. Just play it cool. Neediness is not attractive. There is a fine line between being in communication and being at his every beck and call.