Any advice/suggestion/encouragement is welcomed. My husband went through a few months of depression. He finally told me 2 months ago that he wanted to separate, that too many things have happened in our almost 20-year marriage and that he has been unhappy. We have 4 children together and he broke their hearts when he told them. I do not agree with separation or divorce (although he hasn�t said he wanted to divorce) and have been praying ever since. He still has not left our home or our bed and I�m sure it�s confusing for the children.
Although he hasn�t left he still says it�s inevitable and he�s treating me differently. He�s been doing a lot of feeling sorry for himself, dwelling on the negatives only, drinking quite a bit. For me it�s been a lot of confusion and living in limbo waiting for the other shoe to drop. He�s seeing a counselor now. We both went initially but the counselor was not interested in assisting with reconciliation and instead encouraged him to do what he feels he needs to do, so I stopped going. I�m glad he is still going, he has a lot of issues stemming all the way back to his childhood that he needs to address.
I thought we were happy all these years so this is hard for me to comprehend. I love him with all my heart. All this happened to coincide with a promotion into a highly stressful job for him. It feels like all the stress he�s feeling is falling on the shoulders of his family who have been trying to hold him up, as if it�s easier for him to walk out on us than on his job. I�m at the point where although I�m still believing that we will be reconciled by the grace of God, that it may be easier to just ask him to leave since it�s what he wants. But I feel that once he leaves the home reconciliation will be more difficult. He would move in with a family member. He says that even though he moves he will still always be at our home. Then what�s the point?? This is so confusing!

Welcome to MB.

Could you do the MB online program?

Is he an alcoholic?

I'm considering it

he isn't an alcoholic like he drinks everyday, but when he does drink it's a lot at a time, he gets very mean when he's drunk, has never physically abused me but just the things he says and the way he looks at me it's like ice. he used to be able to control it around the kids but the last few times the kids were present and saw it, scared them a little.

Also have you seen this?
How to Create Your Own Plan to Resolve Conflicts and Restore Love to Your Marriage

it's hard trying to save this marriage by myself, like I said he hasn't left physically but it's like mentally he just checked out. we're totally fine talking about anything but our problems. I have asked him if he's planning on the D word and he says no, I've asked if he wanted to separate our finances, he says no, I've asked if he wanted to do a visitation schedule for the kids if he leaves he says no, so I don't really know what it is he wants

Also have you seen these?

What to do with an Alcoholic Spouse
How the Co-dependency Movement Is Ruining Marriages

he says he wants to keep things normal for the kids, when how can it be normal if one parent isn't there

Has he ever used the phrase "I Love you, but I'm not in love with you"?

Is he open with his phone and emails with you?

no he hasn't said that, he's said he loves me, we haven't said it lately because of all of this though.

yes he's open with his phone and email, I pay the bills so I see everything, I know what you're getting at and I'm not naive as to think he wouldn't ever do that to me, of course it's possible, but I just don't think so, he's just been in so much emotional pain we've even been to the doctor for him to get a check up in case it was a physical problem, because of the nature of his job the doctor is reluctant to diagnose depression. the counselor he's seeing is more like just someone to talk to without offering solutions or alternatives

we were the "perfect" couple, the one that other people came to for advice, spent every non-working moment together, with our kids, never fought, very considerate of eachother, in fact even through all of this he is still very considerate of me

Here's another good article.
What to do with a Depressed Spouse