The year 2013 has been a bad one. There are too many signs( and proof) to go over but I am 100% positive that my wife has had an affair. I am not sure at this point if it's physical or emotional however I am positive something did occur during the first four months of this year at least. I do not believe at this time she is continuing her relationship whoever it was. Over the last 60 days since I confronted my wife she has denied almost all of what I know. Regardless of the denials I am sure that they are almost all lies. The question at this point is how do I move forward? Do I move forward? Is it worth even trying? The challenge in my mind comes from my wife not being straight with me regarding what occurred and the struggle of being able to trust someone that has never had to be held accountable for this. My feeling is that if she never admits to this she is more likely to figure that she could get away with it again. At this time she is really trying to get back on track. We are getting along but I have been advised at this point to try and keep peace so that we can get back to a point where we feel good about being around each other. She has avoided opportunities to have discussions about moving forward. She is also avoided answering any questions. I would like to move forward but I am stuck.

Oak2,

From reading your posts it seems obvious that your W's boss was her OM, what do you know about OM?

You can't move forward without the truth. You don't want to be like me 20+ years after the fact trying to figure out what went on.

Did your WW ever admit to ANYTHING?

God Bless
Gamma

I have been advised at this point to try and keep peace...

What brain-dead moron suggested that?

Look, you have for the second time come here for advice. You did NOT follow it last time, and bring this nonsense to the discussion now...

If your goal is to every so often weep about how lousily you have been contesting your wife's infidelity, you need not start a new thread.

Oak2,

She has avoided opportunities to have discussions about moving forward. She is also avoided answering any questions. I would like to move forward but I am stuck.

She is waiting for whomever to divorce his wife, likely her boss, that's why she does not want to speak about the future with you.

God Bless
Gamma

No, you won't be able to move forward if you don't know the truth. You won't recover; you will be obsessed with it every day. And the longer you wonder, the greater your resentment. The more time that goes on, the more obsessed you will become.

So you can find out now or you can find out in 30 years after living a life of growing resentment.

Which do you choose? Get the truth now or in 30 years? Once you get the truth, your marriage can start recovering.

The so called "brain dead moran" that you are referring to is the Willard Harley himself. I understood why he was suggesting create peace. The purpose was so that hopefully she would open up if she felt comfortable. So far that has not happened. What advise did I not follow as you suggested?

" We are getting along but I have been advised at this point to try and keep peace so that we can get back to a point where we feel good about being around each other"

See, we have different goals. Ours is to save your marriage and yours is to "keep the peace. " That was also the strategy of Neville Chamberlin.

Dr Harley might have suggested that as a STRATEGY to get the truth, but he would not suggest just sweeping the affair under the rug to keep the peace. He is real clear that getting the full truth is imperative.

I would try an approach that has been extremely effective on this forum. We have some other men here who have tried this with great success. They scheduled a polygraph for their spouse. Waywardness hate flunking polygraph so they typically sing like a canary beforehand.

I would make the appointment and then inform her 2 days in advance. Tell her you believe she has had an affair and need to be assured of the truth to move forward. Tell her you will give her a chance to come clean before the test by answering all of your questions truthfully beforehand. But that after that, you expect her to pass the polygraph.

Pitch it like this: if it is not true, this is your chance to clear your name. If it is true, it is my chance to make decisions about my own life.

Oak, do you have some pretty good intel on her? What are your spy resources?

What advise did I not follow as you suggested?

I'll limit my response to three things:

1) Key-log her computer.
2) GPS her vehicle
3) Hire a P.I.