Please read my original topic titled "Be Patient It Is Long" to understand my story. I am asking for as many stories as I can get today of marriages that recovered after infidelity...but that had to restore intimacy and romance. I hope this will help my husband to see that it is normal and even the NORM that it can't be demanded that I have feelings like this at the beginning.

I am desperate for anything that can help. I have the books...husband doesn't think its necessary to read it. I have emailed Dr. Harley for the radio show...I have offered to set up phone counseling for us with Dr. Harley.

My husband plans to move out by the weekend.

Any stories or encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

inneedofhelp, does he have a "story" of someone who fell in love by demanding it? For example, if he goes to Starbucks and DEMANDS the barista falls in love with him, does he think that would work?

Ask him to give you examples of such success stories. I have been here for 12 years and don't know of anyone who demanded their way to romantic love. It does the opposite. I think your question is based on a false premise and asking people to answer on that basis is not going to help.

Your husband does not know how to create a romantic marriage. That is just a fact. But he can ask people who do have romantic marriages how they got there.

He can ask me!

inneedofhelpms,

Dr. Harley has 40 years of experience saving marriages and guarantees his program of recovery and restoration works IF both spouses follow every single step.

Many of us here have recovered marriages that are now passionate, romantic and fulfilling for both husband and wife. However, many marriages have failed because the path to recovery is narrow and both spouses MUST agree to follow it.

The fact is that many women with sloppy boundaries around men have affairs when they have an unfulfilling marriage, and they actually BLAME their husbands for their affair. Many of them don't even apologize, yet even then, many here have recovered their marriages after their's wife's affair.

I recommend that you continue to say to your H that you are willing to take the steps necessary to restore your marriage to one that is better and safer than the pre-A marriage; however, your love and lovemaking can not be demanded. It is a response to how bonded and cared-for you feel.

Please let him know that this forum will help you both create a great marriage using Dr. Harley's principles.

Thanks so much for the replies. He text this morning and just said that he has waited and waited for me to give him the romance and intimacy he so wants for our marriage.

History....I have always been the "fixer" in our marriage and family. I have always been the problem solver, money person, leader of our home. He has reaped the benefits.

I have never blamed him for my STUPID HURTFUL choices. I have taken full responsibility for that.

Please keep stories coming!!!

NOOOO I am asking for stories of people who worked the program and were successful in restoring romance and intimacy!!!!

Any chance he is getting his advice from elsewhere?

There are thousands here! Just tell your husband he can come here and ask us how we did it. We will be glad to help him!

If he wants romance and intimacy from a stranger, how would he get it? He has to view you as he would a stranger because you are emotionally divorced. Romance and intimacy are the RESULT of a good marriage, they are not magic elements that a person can produce on demand.

So explain it to him this way. Romantic love is a FEELING, not an action. What is he willing to do to create that FEELING in your marriage?

I would not get too worried about his threats to leave. If he wants to leave, there is nothing you can do to stop him. But if he wants to have a romantic, passionate marriage, he will have to go through these steps.

Yes and he is dead set that the way he feels is the RIGHT way. I have been begging and asking is there ANYONE you will listen to???? He said the only thing that will change his mind is me giving him that kind of love so that he can feel loved and appreciated then he will work on it!

He will not listen or come here!

Then all the MB success stories in the world won't help.

Where is he getting it from? Another forum? A friend or relative?

If you are a christian maybe you should read 1 Corinthians 7 in regards to meeting his needs. As a BH know just how he feels

Champ, 1 Corinthians 7 says:


And this is what she is attempting to do. Her husband wants romance and passion in his marriage. He can have that if he uses this program. However, demanding "romance" and "passion" will not achieve that goal. Romantic feelings are a REACTION to needs that are met.

no shes not. I did not see anywhere in her post that they were in agreement on this or it was for fasting and prayer. She is allowing her husband to be tempted by satan because she won't fulfill her wifely duties.

I want to fullfil my wifely duties but I do not want to fake the intimate feelings or romantic feelings. I have offered to "fullfil" them but he says unless I can do them daily and with a smile he doesnt want it. Me faking it for a long time is what helped us to get to this place.

My husband says he doesn't understand how he can have the feelings he does for me but yet I am the one who did wrong and he has to REBUILD those feelings for me.

I have tried to explain that even in the midst of my affair I was not withholding sex from him...his needs were met.

What just compensation have you given him?

What EPs have you put in place?

What were the conditions that allowed your affair? Have these been eliminated?

Have you read SAA?

Not if you were faking it they weren't. Faking it and going through the motions is not fulfilling that need I promise you.

Please see my first thread...."Please be Patient...This Is Long"