Yes - I heard it on the replay. It was very good advice. I forget the fact that her love bank is closed to ME. Who has it been opened to is the million dollar question. Dr. Harley�s feedback motivates me to investigate further�someway, somehow. I think any evidence that may exist is contact on her iphone (s). When ever we are in the same location it is face down. Don't know how I will ever get my hands on it.

Last night and today have been victories. She came over last night to bring the kiddos bag and stuck around for a while playing with our DS5. He asked her if she would stay for a "sleepover". She's been much more "flexible" in visitation with the children and our going to and from each other's place. On today we had family dinner together at Chick-a-fila. As the children played we talked about work and a church conference that she is attending in the morning. It was nice. She was tired having coming straight from work. She's was fairly working late for a Friday...says she has a lot on her plate. I believe her somewhat as she has a new boss as of Jan this year. I�m suspect, but at least we were able to spend time as a family.

As we were preparing to leave the restaurant a waiter noticed the name of our church on the T-shirt my DS5 had on. She says she has attended a few times and knows our Pastors and made small talk about the church she belongs to. She returned a few minutes later asking us to pray for her. She begins to explain that she hasn�t seen her 3 children for 7 years. Her husband took them and moved away. She talked often about how she has changed and given her life to Christ�but her husband doesn�t believe it and isn�t willing to give her another chance. She�s in quite a bit a pain and she just needed prayer for strength, peace, and comfort.

I couldn�t believe what I was hearing�my wife never said much of anything as she spoke. I noticed the waiter was waiting for a response and began to encourage her to hang in there. I spoke of how God sees her heart and knows that she has been changed. I asked if she would like prayer right then..she immediately said yes and the 3 of us grabbed hands and I prayed for her marriage and children. My W hugged her and whispered some words to her. Simply put� I know this was no accidental meeting and very much divine intervention.

I've realized that my W is struggling financially and I feel pretty bombed out it. She actually makes a bit more than I, but I knew she had over-extended herself with our children's expenses, her new residence, and everything that came along with that. Before our session last night she asked if I could pay for the childcare she hires for Monday classes. Of course I said yes and did so. I saw her "like" some postings on FB regarding financial struggle today and I put two and two together. I still feel the bitterness even after several months of separation. Our therapist made a statement to our group that "feelings" may return as we begin to spend more time together as families. She then starts to mention that sex may become a desire...I mean you all would be two consenting adults. To the surprise of most of the class (not mine) she lets out a huge sarcastic chuckle. It was very telling as I glanced at the expressions in the room. Earlier this morning I was feeling very much in the pits and I sent my W at text saying "I love you with the air I breathe". There was no response. I didn't want one. I just compelled to let her know... I'm still here

Radio Clip of DNT's Call
Segment #2
Segment #3
Segment #4

Edit: BN nevermind my previous post. Thanks for posting. Things have been interesting lately. I have not been able to figure much of anything in terms of investigating. She's just hurt...not much more to it. I haven't made any withdrawals IMO...I can sense her trying to be nice for the sake of the children, but nothing much more. I went and vistied with her parents over the weekend. It's a 3 hour drive away. They were inviting and happy to see the grandkids. My FIL expressed his sadness about our going through the D. He seemed emphathetic expresed how great parents we werer and said he would keep us in prayer. I was happy about that.

Is there a 5th segment? I think that's where the email questions would be addressed?

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=5110

(It's not often I beat BrainHurts to a radio show link!)

Email questions are answered in any segment, whenever they finish up with a caller. Calls usually go about 2-3 segments; sometimes more, sometimes less.

Well...going with VDR in car. Wish me luck.

I've also realized that I am in Plan C... not sure how to get out with limited contact to effectively Plan A

What is a VDR? Do you mean a VAR? Have you been able to get any more information?

Yes...VAR. I've got nothing else so I suppose I'm not technically in Plan C (which isn't really a plan) if I have no proof.

Exactly.

How often are you able to see her? She hasn't filed yet has she?

Oh yes...we are way down the D highway. She filed in March. We are a Sept 3rd trial away from being final. I see her about 3 times a week. For the last 12 weeks I saw her every Monday for court-ordered parallel parenting classes. Tomorrow (Saturday) will be our final class where we discuss our future agreement to be "great parents"!!

I'm sorry you have to go through these stupid classes

The classes are officially over now. Today we met alongside a couple who were actually trying to work it out. Felt better about that, but we still had to go through with a 'closure" declarations. It was a bunch of rehashing bad memories and things will leave and take from the classes. We talked a lot about change. That part was good because it was focused on changing behaviors and habits. One of the things my W wrote in her co-parenting promise is "be willing to have discussion about family involvement and how to do that consistently now and after new relationships form."

Not sure what to make of that... it was written 2 weeks ago.

You may be able to win her back through a lengthy plan A because she is basically inviting you into we life through "co parenting"

It was actually a parallel parenting class but the messages was overtly geared toward co-parenting. I suppose you are right, it is a reluctant invite but we both committed to do so. I gave a letter to her offering that we drop our attorneys and mediate a settlement to end any further financial and emotional costs. She has not responded. So at this point, I am under the impression she's not willing to cut ties with her attorney and is moving forward with the Sept 3 trial. I spoke with the therapist after today's session and she said it makes no sense to go to trial and to do what ever I have to do to "shut it down".

I smell smoke..

On yesterday I sent a surprise greeting card and some earbuds to her salon as a gift to be given by her stylist. I knew she had an appointment. She acknowledged that she received them with a thank you and a note about the kiddos. We sent several texts back and forth about them with emotioncons. She called and shared a funny story on Thursday about our DS. Seemingly all good stuff� yes?

Well as of this morning I placed the VAR in the car. I had to help her with getting a tire changed which allowed me to make the drop. My wife asked if I could keep our DD today since there was no school today (verified) and I was off work. So, she was with us at the tire shop and my W had to keep an eye on her. It was a pleasant experience and my W seemed to be in good spirits. Moments ago I noticed an interesting email came across her wire. It's an Edible Arrangements order of Chocolate Dipped strawberries. The message says "Just Because". It's to be addressed and delivered today to a married gentlemen (per Facebook...family pic of the wife and two children is the profile pic) and he is of uncommon cultural background. Certainly not of one that would indicate indiscretion, BUT I listened to enough MB radio to know anything is possible. The residence is not very far from both our places. The order was placed about an hour after our leaving the tire shop. Just a few moments after seeing the order I received an email asking if I would pick-up our DS from school. Makes sense because both DS and DD spent the night last night. My W has been overall very open and friendly lately. She seemed to be in a rush off last night after bringing the kiddos to my place. I had a quick moment to glance at her iphone but did not, while she tucked the kiddos into bed.

So what gives? She always gives �Thank you� gifts� but this was a �Just Because��but to a very weird recipient. But maybe�just maybe� she�s gotten comfortable, brave, closer to D being final, and here is the break I�ve always thought was there. At this moment I don�t believe she is at work. I saw another email about delivering a �meal� as part of her women�s association outreach efforts.

Who is this OM? You need to find out if indeed they are having an affair. His BW needs to know.

When can you check the VAR? I think I've asked already. Can you afford a PI?

I'm pretty sure it's her boss. Could be false alarm. He joined the company very recently...as in Jan...around the time she shut down intimately...and prior to that she also made an issue with my contacting her doing business hours...she was having "productivity challenges. She spoke of her boss on a few occasions but nothing that raised flags. But I will keep digging. I texted to see if she wanted to have family dinner tonight and she replied "oh thanks!....have plans". I will get the VAR on Sunday. She will come over for our DD birthday party prep...to use my printer. I told her I would fix her taillight on her car.

I could afford a PI, but this would be an office affair if at all (I doubt it) which I don't believe a PI could uncover much.

A Good PI would. I would ask the PI before you hire him. Then you'll know you have a good PI. If she is indeed having an affair with her boss that explains why she isn't even willing to work on your marriage. His BW needs to know.

I've identified his W. I still need solid proof of affair. I've contact 3 PI's and they all suggest it will be nearly impossible to uncover anything contained at work and mobile records without access. I will retrieve the VAR tomorrow and see what's there. I had the kiddos this weekend so she was free to roam. I've had lots of confirming thoughts as it relates to this potential relationship with her new boss.
It was shortly after he joined the company in January that she started saying that my communication with her during business hours was a disruption with her work productivity�and that is when she suddenly shut down and decided she no longer wanted to be intimate.

She�s communicated much admiration, him being very supportive and great leadership when compared to the former boss.

Though there was initial concern with the cultural difference, she quickly dismissed him as nothing like one would expect. He is very Americanized�

She talked in-depth about his recommending healing oils to treat our children for allergies and other ailments. She diligently read a several hundred page book about all the different healing remedies. She's ordered much of it and the stuff isn�t cheap. She has been searching all around for those she can�t find online.

A couple weeks ago she was ecstatic as she credits him with selecting her to be the first auditor in bank history to speak before the audit committee.

Atypical long hours of work� Often times picking kids up at the last minute

Unusual allegiance to work, she has been way more dedicated than usual and seemingly refuses to miss days even when there are child needs.

Starting to add up eh?