Have you tried the 'Meet Me' feature? When I was on PoF I clicked on my now BF's picture and he clicked on mine.

Then we realised we liked each other's profiles.

It's an easy way to send out a bunch of admiration hits to attractive women and see if any comes back your way.

I've found admiration tends to be a great catalyst online.

Indie I have used the Meet Me. No response.
I have closed my profile and will reopen it after first getting feedback from others.

I respond but then never hear back from the guys. *sigh* It's SO discouraging.

That happened to me for a little while until I realised I was using Match wrongly. People need to feel you have put some thought and effort into selecting them for contact. If you were to meet someone at a party, you would not just hand over your phone number without spending time talking to them first would you?

The secret is to mine the data really thoroughly and then carefully read the profile before contacting the person including reading between the lines. Spend time writing a really thoughtful, chatty note. Make sure the person knows you have read their profile by mentioning the connection(s). But keep everything light hearted and amusing just as you would at a party. You can just write about your day!

I come from a very unusual background and live in a foreign country and was able to find someone from the same background. Neither of us ever dreamed that would be possible. On line dating is amazing.

A few things about online dating:

1. many of the women have been on there for a while and they often get tons of attention - there is a school of thought that says they get addicted to it "cake eating?"
2. men have to work harder to get noticed - remember the men outnumber the women
3. Don't say you are worth their time - show them! Don't say "I'm funny" BE FUNNY!
4. Text is less important than pictures. Have at least three, make sure they are great pictures!
5. POF really is lower quality - free means no barriers to entry

I could quote sources but the mods would probably remove them.

I just had to weigh in on Online Dating. It's been a good way for me to meet men (just my experience). I use Match and I've gone out with 22 men in the past 6 months.

Now, this said, only one has been a viable candidate for me. However, it's been fun to meet lots of nice people and learn about myself & them. Here are my Top Stories:

1. The Felon - Handsome, charming, successful: BUT...when I did a background check, I found that he was on work release (that's weekend prison for people with jobs) for aggravated battery. When I confronted him about it via text, he said, "LOL."

2. The Abuser - Fun, successful, nice-looking: BUT...lost his temper driving - which scared the cr*p out of me - then told me his wife's injury that put her in ER after their fight wasn't "his fault." YIKES! (dated 2 weeks)

3. The Filmmaker - Fun, we really clicked, BUT...His "ex horror stories" were all about girlfriends being jealous of all his female friends, and their husbands' fears that he was having affairs with them. This, even AFTER his wife had an affair with a male 'friend.' (sigh) He had a few other qualities that made me uncomfortable. We dated 1.5 months then broke up.

4. 18 other, very nice men - just didn't feel any chemistry with them, so I told them nicely after our first date (usually coffee or a drink)

5. Dream Dude - we met in "real life" but he was younger than I, had never been married (I have 3 kiddos). Though we clicked, he said he wanted someone who hadn't already 'been there done that.' I was sad, but I totally understood. This was a total heartbreak for me! And why I prefer online dating: they can see RIGHT AWAY that I'm in my 40s & have 3 kids...in public, I often get mistaken for a younger woman and younger guys hit on me.

6. The Artist - we're just dating and having fun for now. I don't see him as having real long-term potential, but we enjoy each other's company and have common interests. (have been dating for 1 month now)

I'm pretty determined to wait til my youngest in in college before even considering marriage again (per Harley). Also, I think my love bank walls are very high, because of what I've been through (see my thread on MB101, if you're curious).

I do think it's a little easier for girls online: I just sit back and wait for guys to email me, "no thank you" the ones I'm not interested in, and write back to the ones I am. We typically meet within a week or two of correspondence, I like to keep it light and short (coffee, 45 minutes) - I would hate to waste a man's time/money if we don't 'click.'

Oh, essential for me is hiding my profile: I post it for 3-4 days, then get a bunch of emails - hide, meet the ones I'm interested in, stay hidden if I "click" with someone, etc. I only un-hide my profile if I'm 'single' again because it's overwhelming, otherwise.

My observation is that there aren't too many 'quality candidates' out there. Few of the men I've met understand MB principles (I don't specifically talk about them, but I ask questions & listen for their relationship philosophy/what went wrong before, etc). BUT...it's been interesting and fun, and I've actually made some 'male friends' - friends I'm sure I'll drop if I ever find "the One."

Advice to Dudes Online (tongue-in-cheek):

Please don't wink at me. Send an email. I get so many winks I just ignore them.

Please have several photos of yourself and a thoughtfully-written profile. This tells me you put some effort into it.

Please read my profile. Only contact me if you feel we have something in common. I can't tell you how many men write to me because they think I'm 'pretty' and didn't bother to notice that I'm into clean-cut geeky dudes who are well-read and enjoy philosophy, art, world travel, etc. (You know who you are, ZZTop-bearded, overalls-wearing dudes who hate to read!)

Please don't use photos of yourself with your arms around other women or worse, with some model at the Playboy Mansion. (really??)

Please look at other men's profiles to get an idea of what they "all" do, then be different:
- "I'm laid back" - of course you are. Men generally are.
- "Here's me with a dead animal and a gun"
- "Here's me in front of my truck"
- "Here's me with my shirt off in the bathroom mirror"
- "I want a gorgeous, sexy woman who loves to watch sports and shoot-em-up movies while drinking beer" - good luck w. that.

This is your chance to SELL YOURSELF as a great romantic partner. You're an MB man, and you know that women need conversation, affection, family commitment, honesty, and financial security. Good women will fall all over men who offer this!

I totally agree, Living Well! I only respond to men who reference my profile in their email to me. And funny goes a LONG WAY - it means you're intelligent, fun, and confident.

Otherwise, I get the feeling they've said, "Hi, how's UR day?" to 40 other women, too. So I just send a polite, "no thank you" in reply.

I've actually 'hidden' things in my profile, and if a man actually catches it, I know he's closer to what I'm looking for.

Yup, me too. I'm not on Match any more but, when I was, I called the hidden things my 'breadcrumbs'. One was a favourite place, another was in a story. It was a great way to tell the 'right' people important things without alerting anyone else so that I did not get trophy hunters.

"Trophy Hunters" - love it!!

Glad things are going ok for you Zhamila. Be well!

You too, Living Well! Nice to see you again.

(I guess I don't write much unless there's drama, lol)

So good to see both of you

What does this mean?

"I've actually 'hidden' things in my profile, and if a man actually catches it, I know he's closer to what I'm looking for."

Well in my case one of my 'favourite places' is a view of a mountain that you would only see from one place in Europe. I have a flat there but would not want to spray that information around on Match.

I also included an amusing anecdote from my childhood. If you understood the reference, you would have attended a school like mine. Again, not something I would state overtly.

Good rule of thumb not to write anything in a profile that you would not happily say to someone you had only just met at a party.

I just had to respond to this, I could not resist. This is exactly my experience with dating. Turns out some advice you get on the internet really is spot on.

You cannot Plan A a woman you just met and this is where a lot of guys mess up in dating. Let�s look at your list..

You are clearly an attractive woman, if you were able to date 22 guys. Not to mention having to hide your profile for days at a time.
Let�s look at what your list says and the ones who made an impression.

Numbers 1, 2 , 3, 6. Dated more than once, cared enough to confront on issues, or just have fun, or had your hamster running some other way. Eventually though, you either get scared or uncomfortable and it does not last. ALPHA traits � scary, wild, carefree, dangerous.

Number 4, the 18 other men. Normal guys I�m sure. Nobody made an impression, likely do have some alpha traits, but no one got the chance to show you any of that if they failed the coffee date. Likely they were trying to be �nice�. BETA traits � nice, caring, going slow, safe.

Now I am actually a really nice guy. Somewhere on here is a thread about me trying to get my WW back. But if you look at my dating profile, there are respectful photos that make me look really good. My profile is funny, challenging, and mentions I own a gun without showing you a photo. It�s not in your face, but it is largely alpha. And I also have to hide my profile most of the time. As a guy, I think that means I am onto something.

My point is, being a really good romantic partner is great. Being a fantastic partner and using marriage builders principles to build a life long relationship is everyone�s goal. But if you can�t get past the first coffee date � how is she going to know that? I�m not saying the shirtless selfie is the way to go � but you need the initial attraction! There is a place for both alpha, and beta traits � especially during first impressions.

Oh that makes a lot of sense now, I wish I had thought of something like that!

Sounds from your signature as if you managed very well without it.

OK, I'd like to set the record straight about why the other 18 didn't get another chance. I get really tired of men's blogs telling them to "treat women like crap and they'll come back for more," and I truly hope this isn't what you meant. I mean, those games might work for 20-somethings with zero self-esteem, but they don't fly with me.

Also, there's a tiny bit of "mansplaining" here with limited knowledge of the facts, so I'll take the time explain more fully:

In fact, "Dream Dude" was very Beta with me...that's why I liked him so much. He was considerate, respectful, gentle and took things very, very slow and safe with me. I felt comfortable with him in a way I haven't with any other man. In fact, I broke up with Artist last week because he I didn't feel "safe" and he wasn't giving me enough affection and attention (not Beta enough for me). So, here are the ones I remember (names changed to protect the innocent) and why they didn't get another shot:

Matt - held my hand (um, ok), then started putting his hand on my waist while walking (ICK). Told me he'd "never date a woman who had been married 2x," then wouldn't let go while hugging me goodbye. I was very uncomfortable being touched like this, plus I didn't have the heart to tell him my history, so nope.

Robert - Drank a lot on the first date, so much that I was uncomfortable. Plus in person he looks like my uncle, down to his mannerisms. This creeped me out. Next.

Josh - Talked non-stop about himself. Asked me 1x, "I'm talking too much. Please tell how you learned Arabic?" When I started to answer he promptly interrupted and kept talking. Next.

Mark - 3 inches shorter than me (my fault for not checking thoroughly). I am not attracted to men who are shorter than me.

Kevin - Bald. I went out with him "just in case" I would change my mind about bald guys. Nope. My fault for meeting him at all.

Bill - unemployed, hadn't divulged this in his profile. Plus talked non-stop & didn't ask me anything about myself. Next.

James - was chubbier than his profile looked. I just couldn't do it, physically. He was 'iffy' for me online, and in person just sealed the deal. My fault for meeting him at all, I suppose.

Brad - told me "I can't believe you don't watch TV! How can you LIVE without watching 'Walking Dead' every week?!?" He was actually serious. Travels a lot for work and admits he doesn't stay in touch with GFs when he's away. Next.

Derek - talked about his 12-year old visit to a strip club on the first date. Told me his ex is "crazy" and that he "can't stand her." Deal-breaker.

Fred - watched a football game the entire first date, because "his team" was on and he "couldn't help it." He said that his friends tell him he's "too nice to women" and should "act like more of a jerk" to get more dates. I didn't waste my time on a 2nd date with him.

Rick - talked non-stop about himself, interrupted me if I tried to answer a question he'd ask me. Showed me photos of his kids right away and talked on and on about them. Self-absorbed. Next.

Kyle - Someone I knew from years ago and thought I'd give it a chance. Is a little "Asperger's" in that he would stare uncomfortably at me and couldn't quite catch the rhythm of the conversation. He laughs very loudly and long, too. Couldn't do it.

Jacob - World traveler, very handsome & intriguing, and has lots of wonderful qualities. But he doesn't want a house: he just wants to travel all over the world and own nothing. This just isn't a lifestyle I want to share.

Jack - told me he used to be a male stripper. Mentioned he'd been with a prostitute. NEXT.

Tom - told me his ex stole "$250K" from him, that the cops were called during an altercation with her. I am very gun-shy of any stories of relational abuse. Next.

Luke - met in real life, very handsome. He made me nervous the first date (referred to my figure in a way that made me uncomfortable), so I didn't see him again.

To clarify: THE FELON - I saw him 1x only. After the background check (done quickly because he gave me a funny feeling) I never saw him again.

I mean, these guys aren't "bad." (except The Felon, lol) They were "nice guys" on some level and I don't want to slam them. But they either didn't know how to have a conversation, or seemed completely unaware of women's emotional needs (affection, conversation, financial security, etc). If a man asks a woman about herself, can have an interesting conversation, is financially secure, not completely self-absorbed & is able to pick up on normal social cues (like, "don't touch me" or "don't bring out your bad-boy sexual behavior right away"), then likely he'll get another chance with me.

And the ones I wasn't physically attracted to: it's my fault for even wasting their 45 minutes. I keep thinking it "shouldn't bother me," but it just does. My bad.

So PLEASE MEN: work on learning to meet a woman's emotional needs. Don't believe the "be a jerk, you'll get laid," BS...well, maybe you WILL get laid, but not by me, lol.

Hooray!! Hi NED

For me, I just mention little things like that I really like documentaries (not into traditional movies or TV much), or my spoken languages. If they've actually read my profile they'll get the fact that I'm kind of nerdy and mention it in their email to me.

That sounds fun. Z I liked reading about your experiences, I should jot mine down too before I forget.

1) A guy I was good friends in school with, just happened to get back in touch with me. We went for a month or two and I liked him a lot but he was just separated and hadn't filed for divorce, so I felt weird going out for that reason. He was beaten by his wife, so he wasn't going to go back, but he didn't have the finances to file. I stopped seeing him figuring I could check in with him later when he was single again. In the meantime he divorced, met and married another good friend from school. They are very happy together so that was a great ending.

2) A guy I met online, we had a lot in common and went out for a couple of months. I was becoming less and less convinced he was keeper material because he stopped planning dates earlier in the week, started just making last-minute plans. And then when he didn't visit his mom for a holiday with no reason that said it all for me. I am very close with my family and wanted someone who makes it to visit his mom on holidays when he says he will

3) A guy with what soon became obvious had a drinking problem. Not a good fit here.

4) Then I met L. We hit it off right away, and I knew within a couple of months this was the one