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Not to worry we have chatted and we will POJA everything as Dr. Harley suggests.
I have deleted the game and everything else that I could do independently from my wife
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She works in a shop during the day 10-4 for 4-5 days a week. At the moment I go to the shop roughly 3-4 times to spent time together as I work evenings and therefore we wouldn't see each other. Well I hate going to the shop and she knows it as she does to but has to work. I agree but never enthusiastically to do this for our benefit. Now if POJA is properly implemented as you say above I should never step foot in that shop again. So that is why in my last post I said that we agree to things to make our life happen but not enthusiastically. So will it be one rule for her and one for me or shall we implement POJA fully but the inital fall out will be huge until we can find some way around this situation?
. In the POJA you find solutions that make you BOTH happy. Working opposite shifts is a disaster to marriage. So I would work on finding a job where you work the SAME shift so that the time you have together is enjoyable and pleasant. Further, you can't really have UA time with someone who is WORKING. Visiting her at work intermittenly is not UA time. You need to be out on DATES with each other. You are poisoning the well by doing things you don't want to do. UA time has to be the most enjoyable time of your day. You have set it up so it is a misery. That defeats the entire purpose!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I didnt say our UA time was spent at he shop but in terms of time spent together its a large portion of our week. Working the same shift isnt possible unless we can magic up $1000+ a month for childcare which simply isn't possible.
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I'm curious - if the shop isn't UA time, then why do you go there?
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I didnt say our UA time was spent at he shop but in terms of time spent together its a large portion of our week. Working the same shift isnt possible unless we can magic up $1000+ a month for childcare which simply isn't possible. So where is your 15-20 hours of UA time and why are you going to the shop if you hate it? How old are your children? Are they not in school?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I didnt say our UA time was spent at he shop but in terms of time spent together its a large portion of our week. Working the same shift isnt possible unless we can magic up $1000+ a month for childcare which simply isn't possible. You guys need to figure this one out. Working opposite shifts is terrible for a marriage because you can't coordinate your schedules and you are operating in parallel lives. You have both been here long enough to know this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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p.s. I want to applaud you for deleting the game! That was exactly the right thing to do. But don't ruin the effort by sulking about it. You did it on a voluntary basis so don't ruin the effect of the gesture by sulking, ok? I know its hard to give up a powerful addiction at first, but it won't take long to adjust. I promise ya! 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm curious - if the shop isn't UA time, then why do you go there? Because we would literally see each the 15-20 hours UA time per week and that would be it without the shop, so I went there for good of our marriage.
Last edited by Learning2Grow; 08/19/13 06:34 AM.
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How old are your children? Are they not in school? They are 5, 7, 9 and 12 so yes they are in school from 8:30am-3:00pm. You guys need to figure this one out. Working opposite shifts is terrible for a marriage because you can't coordinate your schedules and you are operating in parallel lives. You have both been here long enough to know this. Both of our hours are fixed so she permanently works 10:30am-4pm and I work 6pm-2am. So yes its not ideal but it was a compromise to avoid shift work and childcare. This way we can plan our week accurately and survive financially. Hence how we are still achieving our UA time every week without fail.
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curious question for you guys: I was just joking around with my wife about POJA and mentioned housework. Now to me there are certain things that NEED to be done and are mandatory to life. Things like housework surely shouldn't be POJA'd as lets be serious, NO ONE will ever be enthusiastic about cleaning floors and hanging laundry  She said everything should be POJA'd. So she suggested I post here about it.
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[
Both of our hours are fixed so she permanently works 10:30am-4pm and I work 6pm-2am. So yes its not ideal but it was a compromise to avoid shift work and childcare. This way we can plan our week accurately and survive financially. Hence how we are still achieving our UA time every week without fail. Are you familiar with what Dr Harley says about working opposing shifts and how bad it is for marriages? It might be good for your finances, but it is not good for your marriage when you are not spending the evenings together. You can't go to bed and get up together this way.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Are you familiar with what Dr Harley says about working opposing shifts and how bad it is for marriages? It might be good for your finances, but it is not good for your marriage when you are not spending the evenings together. You can't go to bed and get up together this way. I know I'm nitpicking a little here but we do go to bed together as wife is an insomniac and never sleeps til late. I actually wake up before her with the boys everyday.
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curious question for you guys: I was just joking around with my wife about POJA and mentioned housework. Now to me there are certain things that NEED to be done and are mandatory to life. Things like housework surely shouldn't be POJA'd as lets be serious, NO ONE will ever be enthusiastic about cleaning floors and hanging laundry She said everything should be POJA'd. So she suggested I post here about it. What exactly have you read so far? What books, articles? And how many hours of radio show have you listened to?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Are you familiar with what Dr Harley says about working opposing shifts and how bad it is for marriages? It might be good for your finances, but it is not good for your marriage when you are not spending the evenings together. You can't go to bed and get up together this way. I know I'm nitpicking a little here but we do go to bed together as wife is an insomniac and never sleeps til late. I actually wake up before her with the boys everyday. And you spend the evenings together too, right?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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And you spend the evenings together too, right? No obviously we cant. Thats why we make sure our UA time is hit without fail. And also why I went to the shop most days.
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And you spend the evenings together too, right? No obviously we cant. Thats why we make sure our UA time is hit without fail. And also why I went to the shop most days. My point is that you could if you got a day job like your wife. Like I said, working opposite shifts is terrible for marriages. As you can see. You hate going to the shop and your wife hates you being home playing games.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My point is that you could if you got a day job like your wife. Like I said, working opposite shifts is terrible for marriages. As you can see. You hate going to the shop and your wife hates you being home playing games. I understand your point melody. Well my company is contract work and they are likely to loose their contract in January so might have to be looking for work anyway so can take time to consider options then...
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You're not too serious about all this, are you?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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You're not too serious about all this, are you? I know that at the moment its not an option for either of us to change hours/jobs as we would need to figure out so much financially unless I can just walk into a $70k+ a year job which wont happen. I don't want to say yes melody we will change it don't worry. Wouldn't you rather have my honesty to work with?
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Like I said, you are not serious.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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