"I can have no contact with you or speak with you until your affair is over. PERTINENT matters regarding the children can be conducted via e mail or text through my intermediary , XXX, whose email is XXX@gmail.com. For visitation, you can pick the children up on Wednesday evenings at 5:00pm for 2 hours and for 3 hours on Saturdays from 1 to 4. I have attached a schedule. I ask that you let them off in the driveway and pick them up the same way without coming into the house. Additionally, I will insist they never be exposed to your adultery partner. "

See if you can get her lined up sooner, rather than later. If you're giving your WH the Plan B letter tomorrow, you'll want to be able to reference her in the letter. Don't leave that hole (limited contact with him) in your Plan B letter - it will come back to haunt you.

Wow - My hubby came round (as he always does to put the kids to bed)
I had my plan b letter ready to give to him. I did find an intermediary. I did the exposure a couple of days ago.

We talked - This is the first time we have had a real talk since he left. This is how it went down, summed up

- Every thing in our marriage was wrong and it was all my fault
-He did no wrong at all in our marriage - seriously not a single thing.
-OW was unhappy with me outing her to her friends and family (boohoo)and wants to retaliate by emailing all my friends and family.
-She wants kids (surprise surprise - I told hubby she would right from the start)
-He is suffering under the delusion that she will pick him over her wanting kids
- He says that even if they split up he will not come back to me.

I gave him the letter and he seemed close to breaking down. He was not a happy man when he left.

I guess I will just have to wait and see how it pans out. He is in such a huge MLC fog that he can't see his [censored] for his elbow at the moment.

My question is - Is there any point emailing ow the copy of the plan b letter? It seems there is a snowball in hells chance of them staying together anyway. I have been in her position about having to choose between hubby and wanting kids. I think he is totally underestimating a womans desperate need to procreate (some - most women - not all)
He says he hopes she will choose him over kids. I think he's wrong. If she does, she will resent him for it. Either way - not a happy ending.
So what to do? Help please

Thanks Jessica.
I think he is having a mid life crisis though. He has lost a hell of a lot of weight, has depression, has started wearing younger clothes, changed tastes in almost everything and had a personality transplant - He also can't cope with anything at all at the moment.

Jo, could you please stop starting new threads. It is hard to follow your story and give advice when you have 4 different threads going on. Click "notify" at the bottom of your post and ask a moderator to merge them all.

Dr. Harley does advise a copy of the Plan B letter to be sent to the OP with an added note to them at the end. From SAA:

"I love ______ with all my heart and am willing to do whatever it takes to make him happy. I will wait for that chance. "

My husband is in his 30's. During his affair, he was going to the gym all of the time, buying new clothes and got a tattoo, and was cold & distant to me and the kids. I honestly thought he was on steroids or something, he was such a nasty person.

Sorry about all the threads - I will stick to one and have asked moderators to merge.

Ok - will send the letter to ow.

Apparently now that I have been so mean to her she will not support me anymore - Yes he did really say that!
Support me how exactly? by sleeping with my husband - oh the fog is well and truly in!

Can I ask the point of sending the letter to ow? She is obviously not going to see sense. He did say that they will call the police for harassment if I contact her again. I really don't want to put myself in that position. I can't chance it being an idle threat

Jo, you don't have to send it. I never sent one to the ow but that was because I didn't know. The main purpose is in case the WH was telling OW nonsense about being separated or divorced or other history re-writing. In my case, if I had sent it, it might have helped. Your situation, it probably won't. She already knows that she is tearing apart your family.

But, if she did call the police for harassment, they would laugh at her. Trust me I work for a very large police agency.

His crisis is an affair, his "mid life" has nothing to do with this.

He did rewrite history with her. He told her we'd been separated months when in fact he was still sleeping with me when he asked her out.
I figured relieving her of this notion would be pointless as who is she going to believe? Her wonderful boyfriend or his psycho ex?

Jo, send her the letter. The purpose is to put pressure on her too.

Also, did oyu change the locks? The next thing to happen will be that your H will test you to see if you really mean it. He will try to get through to you now. You have to pass that test or he will know you are not credible!

Thanks everyone. I emailed the letter to ow.
I sincerely hope this doesn't backfire on me spectacularly.
The exposure didn't go too well. I think most people thought I was a lunatic.
I'm actually really looking forward to plan b and nc.
The stress of exposure has eaten me up almost as much as the affair itself is. It's just too much stress on top of too much stress. Some nice, not having to worry about hubby time is just what I need right now. Exposure was way way way out of my comfort zone. Thank goodness its over and I can get back to feeling like a non-psychopath again.

Your exposure has gone great!! The only thing that went wrong is your unrealistic need for approval. You were not doing it to garner the approval of crapwits, you were doing to take all the fun out of the affair. Affairs thrive on secrecy, and you know very well that your exposure has upset the OW greatly. So pat yourself on the back for a job well done! You inflicted a huge blow to the affair!

Now, about those locks??

Huge blow inflicted TO affair land!! SUCCESS!!

Jo, never deal in speculation when it comes to exposure. Always assume that you need to do full exposure and just DO IT. I've highlighted all of your speculation in your last quote. Never deal in speculation that things will 'naturally' happen to end your WH's affair. YOU are going to have to drive the bus. Your WH and his OW aren't sober enough to do it.

So, yes. You need to send her a copy of your Plan B letter to let her know that you aren't planning to go away quietly. See, your addicted husband and his addicted AP are currently caught up in this cozy little scenario that you will just acknowledge the superior love-thing they've got going on, and will gracefully step aside to allow their love to soar to higher heights, or whatever current drivel they're saying to each other.

Your Plan B letter to OW will be a needed bucket of cold water, which will hopefully cool off the ardor.

Jo, it's always hard to expose. Understand this, though - YOU are the only person on this planet right now in a position to save YOUR marriage. No one else was going to do it, and YOU did it! Regardless of the responses you get, understand that it was something YOU had to do. If you get negative responses from anyone you've exposed to, ask yourself how many marriages they have saved. Most people are ignorant about affairs (which is why we get so many posters here) and most think an affair should be hidden - nothing could be further from the truth.

Well done!

^^^^
This.

Good job jo.