Are "Friends" a Threat to Your Marriage?

Tonight she tells me coworkers are taking her to dinner for her birthday Thursday night and she'll probably stay at a females house. That didn't work for me. So I had a long talk with a friend that said I need to protect myself. Call a lawyer. Went to mother in laws and she tried to get wife to talk and wife drove off. Mother in law told me to call her brother and he told me to go see a lawyer. Mother in law also said I should move into the new house with her no matter what. I hate this. It has to have been brewing for awhile. And we could have done something. It's as if she doesn't care about the oys right now. Like her brother said, our 14 year old and 10 year old do not need there mother to be gone Thursday night thru sat evening. Her friends are taking her out Friday for her birthday. That's a lot of drinking for a mother of two.

Dude! She is not going out with coworkers* plural. She is going out with 1 coworker. WAKE UP! You're wife is having an affair and the longer you deny it, the worse off you are. Take the bull by the horns and start doing something to stop her antics.

She IS going out with coworkers. Remember I'm snooping. But it's still inappropriate.

Agreed. She already admitted to an affair with a coworker and they still work together = active affair. You can try to fix everything else but so long as she still has contact with her affair partner, you are not going to get very far.

It doesn't matter if you have confronted her and she denies it is still going on. Waywards deny deny and deny some more (this was mentioned just today on the radio show!)

Because she knows that you are watching her, since you have confronted her (opposite of what is recommended), she has either just taken the affair further underground or has told the OM that they need to cool things off outside of work until she is separated from you.

This was ignored.

Could you answer this, please?

It looks like there have been two affairs here, she still works with OM and she is currently trying to separate from you. This thread needs to be moved to SAA.

Why would a married woman need to spend the night at a girlfriend's house?

Do you have spyware on her phone and a keylogger on her computer? GPS and a VAR on her vehicle?

Who is this OM co-worker?

Key logger at home
Coworker is not last years EA

Tonight is Thursday which Is coworker drink fest till 2 in morning. My wife is turning 44 and has changed almost over night. We have 2 boys 14 and 10. Tonight is going to be a special birthday bash. She told her friend on Facebook she is going to bring an a bag of close in case she has to stay the night due to it going very badly from drinking or very good from I don't know. How should I stop this? This is a continuation from marriage 101. I don't know how to move.

How can I move this to surviving an affair.

It's possible she is not having an affair but it's sure that all she is thinking about wit multiple people. I can see her continually looking at certain profiles. Now that doesn't mean these guys woul necessasarily do anything because they know she is married. But she doesn't want me moving into new house and that's probably why her mother wants to make sure I move in.

Fordman, I am sorry that this is going on and for the pain this is causing you, but as you are discovering more, you are equipping yourself to do something about this problem.

We have already given you lots of good advice which is applicable to your situation. I suggest you reread your thread from the beginning and make a todo list of things we suggest you do, materials we suggest that you view or read (did you ever view that video I posted?), and questions we asked. Then, work through the list: do the things we suggest, answer the questions we ask, view the materials we referred you to.

There is no sense in us posting the same things over and over again. You need to take charge and start fighting for your marriage, friend!

You have been here now for seven days and made 25 posts. During that time have you:

* read a single article or Q&A column on the Marriage Builders site?
* viewed a single Marriage Builders video?
* listened to a single Marriage Builders Radio show?
* bought/read a single Marriage Builders book?

The forum is no good without the main material. And you will not be able to save your marriage without getting educated on the tools available to you here. It will not help you to post every day what is happening and never learn what you need to do. And we cannot spoon feed it to you.

This is fantastic! Your mother-in-law is an ally! She cares about her daughter and her grandchildren. You need to find out all that is happening and TELL your mother-in-law. Ask her to insist that your wife not live apart from you.

Can you get to Radio Shack and buy a Voice Activated Recorder and sneak it into your wife's car so you can find out where she goes?

By the way these spying devices are illegal here in my state

Thank you for answering.

I know it's easier to sweep this uncomfortable stuff under the rug, but that doesn't work with affairs.

How long was the affair with the HS friend? How did communicate? FB? Were you able to rule out that she didn't have an affair phone? For instance, did you have a VAR in the car?

Did you read my Read My Lips thread that I posted to you about the importance of NC, specifically regarding workplace affairs?