My husband cheated on me with my best friend of 9 yrs. They hid it for about 6 months but I caught on to something not feeling right. Finally a clue and I found some texts from my best friend about 8mo ago. Anyway,she went on to say her husband would kill my family if he ever found out. I knew he had guns but did not believe her so I exposed it all too her husband and she went ballistic. My husband handled me exposing it almost like he was glad it was finally out in the open. We are in counseling and doing ok but I don't trust him. This was not his first affair. He had one 4 yrs ago. It's been a rough year and I feel at times we are going to make it but letting him in and trusting again have been really hard. I just got done watching tyler perrys temptation. Excellent movie. Brought tears to my eyes because in the end the one who had the affair was alone. Anyway, How can I trust again. It's so hard.
I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Of course you don't trust your H; he hasn't done a thing to earn it. Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? If not, you need to get it right away. It's your best resource for restoring your marriage after an affair. Most marriage counselors have no idea how to counsel a couple suffering from infidelity. They can often do more harm than good. Does your MC follow MB guidelines?
Have both of his affairs been exposed to your friends and family? The exposure will shine the light of day and help him see himself through the eyes of others. It will provide him accountability. It will also provide you with much-needed support. Most MCs do not advise exposure, but it's the very first step in the MB plan, based on Dr. Harley's 40 years of experience working with infidelity. So please expose.
The next step is absolutely NO contact ever again for life with any of his affair partners. Do you still live near the OW? Have you moved away?
Do you and your husband live with Extraordinary Precautions? EPs help your husband EARN your trust. Blind trust is not warranted in any marriage.
Have you read the first thread of the SAA forum called "Start Here." If not, please start at the beginning and read all the way through so you can familiarize yourself with the MB concepts, especially those relating to infidelity.
If your MC has not been counseling you using these guidelines, you should stop seeing him/her. This forum will help you more than most MCs can.
How long you you been married? How many children?
