Okay guys, I'm new here and I'll try to keep things short.
I am not married, but my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 1/2 years, and have lived together since December. We have talked about marriage, and he has set a date, but we are not engaged.
I thought our relationship was pretty stable, but over the last 9 months, I've uncovered a few things that make me a little shaky. While I don't believe he has physically cheated on me, I feel like he has still crossed a line. I found an ad that he posted on Craigslist (there have been two posted by him, and several that he responded to) soliciting sexual acts. There was also a social media site (MeetMe), and kik (a phone texting app) where he was talking/sexting to other girls. He says it never meant anything, and that it was an outlet for his insecurities. There was never an intention of doing anything, he merely wanted attention and to know if he was as great/special/attractive/etc. as I always told him he was.
Though he swears it had nothing to do with me, I took it personally. I also feel wronged. He recently became spiritual (Zen) and says he has found an appropriate way to deal with his insecurities. As far as I know, the inappropriate contact ended a few months ago (I found it all 4 days ago), but I still don't know if I should believe that it won't happen again, since it's turned out to be a recurring thing.
I'm not sure how exactly to cope with this and overcome this feeling of being cheated on (which is the complete opposite of how he views it since nothing physical happened and he never intended to go through with anything).
Am I wrong to be hurt?

InTheEnd, I'm probably old enough to be your mom, but I'm going to talk to you like I would a friend. What you have disclosed is evidence of an immature man who is not ready to settle down.

Understand that dating is an interview for marriage. Dating is when you decide whether or not the two of you 'click'. Your BF has failed this interview, I am sorry to say. He is currently not marriage material.

I would suggest you end this relationship and get out of your living arrangement with him. Let him pursue whatever relationships he appears to be interested in. There may come a time when he is more able to pursue an exclusive relationship. That is obviously not the case right now.

I would also suggest that you avoid living with men before you marry them. Go big or go home when it comes to committing to be with someone - living together is not commitment. It's convenience.

Welcome to MB.

Have you seen this?
Living Together Before Marriage #1

Hey InTheEnd,

I think you're completely correct to feel wronged. You were wronged, and what he did was definitely not correct. I know, I was there (read my post below yours), but on the other side. Now I don't think anyone on this board can truly say if he's corrected or understands what he did. I do think he's making excuses though. He did something very wrong, and he needs to just own up to it. If you believe that he is truly repentant (no Ross colored glasses here), and understands what he did and wants to work through it, then take your time. If you DO decide to stay, understand that it will take a LOT of time for the trust to rebuild. Marriage should not be a topic for a while. Right now, it's about you learning that you CAN believe in him.

And there is the other side of the coin as well. If you don't believe you can do it, let him go gracefully. Try not to hurt him in the process, even though he hurt you. Trust me on this one, I am the one who screwed up in my relationship, and was punished more than I could handle. I'm still recovering and hoping I can manage to live my life.

But it does sound to me like he wasn't ready to settle down. You guys were partners for a very long time. Though I can't say in the last couple months when he stopped if he knows what he has or not. You're in a really tricky situation, and I'd take your time to evaluate. Know that you'll be ok if you choose to leave gracefully though. But make sure you really think on this decision, as the only person that can be responsible for it is you.

Good luck, and keep us informed. We're here for you regardless of what you decide.

Grs

Also, no emotion you feel is "wrong". There is always a reason you feel that way. Let yourself feel it, but don't over react to it. Your body and mind are telling you something, so take your time to understand it.