Four of the five kids pretty much know the full extent of everything now. Only the 1 year old doesn't know - obviously she is too young. Last weekend I told the 7 and 9 year old. I told them that mom had "an inappropriate relationship with another man" - and I told them who he was. I told them to let me know if they ever see him again - "he is an enemy of this family".

My wife seemed somewhat enthused looking at listings for new houses, and planning our move. She agreed to contact a real estate agent this week. I told her we can only do this move if she's fully committed to the marriage - it would be absurd to do this and get divorced in 3 months.

So far I am somewhat hopeful. Of course she still seems mostly in withdrawal and has not indicated any desire to move back into the master bedroom with me. We haven't had any physical contact of any kind for almost four months.

I'm thinking that since we probably won't be moving too far away, I will give my wife her phone back and take the appropriate measures, such as installing spyware and telling her that when I call I expect her to answer within five minutes and provide proof of her location (such as by taking a photograph of where she is). Does this sound reasonable? Perhaps I could also use the GPS on the phone to be able to know her whereabouts at all times.

I'm thinking that since we probably won't be moving too far away,

Pius,

As MelodyLane observed, the further away you move, the better. What good is moving if you do not move far enough away?

I am happy to see some developments here for your situation, and I hope you will go after everything you need to do in earnest. I have been praying for you and your children and your wife.

By the way - are you listening to Dr. Harley's radio show daily, yet?

The major benefit of moving is to be free from all the triggers. It doesn't sound like you will be accomplishing this. The real problem is inside of you. All of this verification is going to withdraw love units from her account in your lovebank, even if nothing ever happens. You need to move far enough away that you yourself are comfortable that continuation of the affair is impossible. Don't lose this opportunity by only doing it halfway.

Not yet but I have started reading SAA!

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Yes, basically the point of moving at all would be to avoid "spontaneous temptation" from running into POSOM at the mailbox, or, God forbid, POSOM coming over our house when I'm at work. Also we are crowded in our current home.

If my wife is determined to seek out POSOM, she could do it if we lived virtually anywhere remotely near my job. My job is a very good one, so I would be putting my large family in serious financial jeopardy if I was to try to change jobs and move very far away. Also it would take much longer that way, which would mean we wouldn't be able to move at all for a longer time. So a reasonable compromise seems to be a fairly local move. Heck, even if we moved across country, if my WW is determined to stray again she could simply find someone else.

This is true, but she is not addicted to "someone else," she is addicted to the OM. The OM is not across the country. And she will be much less likely to contact him again if she is far enough away to not be triggered. You want to remove the opportunity as much as you can.

You say you have a great job, can you get transferred to another state?

He said "it would be better if there was no contact."

How should an unfaithful spouse tell his lover that their relationship is over? If left to their own devices, many would take a Caribbean cruise to say their final good-byes. Obviously, that will not do. In fact, I recommend that the final good-bye be in the form of a letter, and not in person or even by telephone.

My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent.

Yes from what I understood, she sent him a "no contact" text message. I haven't seen anything in her email until today indicating that they had contacted each other after that.