A friend of ours told us about Focus on the Family offering free therapy and asked us to try. OMG I am not even sure where to start. I talked to her first and explained how WH had TT me for 4 years. She then explained "Though he was wrong in doing this, that I needed to remember I had a hand in his inability to tell me the truth and I needed to decide if I could stay in a marriage and let the past go and let my need for details go."

It would take me hours to write everything down that was said to both of us, but I think the worst part was after my WH talked to her he told me besides the book she had recommended US to get "Torn Assunder", she had also told him to get a book. I asked what it was. He said she told me not to tell you.

I came unglued. I said we are trying to work on a marriage built on honesty and helping me trust you again and she tells you to lie to me.

I plan on writing a very long letter to them. The book TA, seems to think the Bible somewhere says a BS needs to take accountability for her part of the A.

I know many people may turn to this because it is free, (not why we did it), but you can get all the free advice right here. We did it so our friend who runs a Bible site would know if he should add it there. I'll talk to him tomorrow on all the reasons not to.

Sounds like you have a well-meaning friend who is stuck on the "Focus on the Family" brand.

Once you are educated on MB principles and see how they work to build an affair-proof marriage, it is easy to dismiss the other stuff. Clearly, your friend does not understand the importance of radical honesty. I'm sure the underlying intention was good. There are many false paths out there offered as solutions to recovering from infidelity.

No he is NOT stuck on Focus nor does his belief on Radical Honest have anything to do with my post!! He has a very wonderful Bible site, the larger his site becomes the more people want to join him, like Billy Graham.

He wanted an outsiders opinion on their free therapy and whether on something as serious as Infidelity how they handled it. He is not going to be happy that a "Christian" based site like they are, recommends books that do not follow the Bible.

Think about it, this woman not only recommended a book that had reviews saying how it did not follow scripture. Then basically told my H to lie to me. She also told me to take blame for my H cheating on me, I ask anyone to find that scripture in the Bible.

I would hate some couple to go there thinking they are getting the advice they need to save there marriage when in reality they are fixing nothing.

Your friend is not nearly as off-base as you may think.

First - if your husband is having a problem with honesty, you need to make sure you are not punishing him when he is honest;

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/mb.cfm/4/29/223


Second - what details are you digging for? You see, whatever these details are, they've kept you bringing up the affair for 4 years. That's why you haven't... gotten... anywhere... in your recovery.

So, could you explain what details you have a "need" for that are worth resetting your recovery clock to day one each... and... every... time... you... bring... up... the... affair?

WOW, not sure where anything in your post is coming from. I was posting something I did for a friend, who is building a very wonderful website. He was approached by Focus on the Family and others like Billy Graham to be associated with his site. One of the things Focus offers is this free therapy. He knows of our situation and asked if we would give it a try and see what we thought. The therapist NOT MY FRIEND told my husband to lie to me. My friend would never do that, he knows all about MB and Dr. Harley and thinks we are at the right place for help.

I thought it was not something he as the owner of his site would want to promote as it is not based on Godly principles. I also thought it was not based on Radical Honesty and MB principles. So I wanted to warn others that this was probably not the place to go for help, that MB was where you need to be. I have not yet talked to my friend, but will later to tell him all that happened.

I really feel like you are attacking me.

You have no idea how I have reacted each time I found out something new. First off my husbands honest problems stem back to his childhood. So I will NOT take the blame for my husband being a liar...talk to his mother.

Nor will I take the blame for his not telling me the truth and allowing us to heal our marriage.

**EDIT**

Have you scheduled the polygraph yet?

Yes, but sadly MB has become a place that is not as supportive as I need.

There are so many wonderful posters here that want to help you learn and follow MB.

Have you also thought about emailing Dr. Harley and being on the show?

I feel that you have been hurt so much, that maybe you are taking the advice too personally.

I honestly don't see the other posters treating you mean, just straight and to the point.

Refresh yourself and try again. It takes a while for them to get to know your personality and situations details correctly right out of the gate.

LTL