NG is right. She's gaslighting the situation to make it seem like the break up is mutual along with a little "he didn't/doesn't really care about me anyway".

Maybe you could send wife an email, explaining how you spoke with WS friend and she thinks you need to reach out to wife based upon her conversation with you. She says you acted like I was just letting you go without any upset or argument. How I fails to pursue you and I told friend that wasn't true. I've been trying almost daily but yet she fails to respond. Just in case friend doesn't believe me that you aren't speaking to me after your conversation I'm CC'ing her on this email so she can see for herself that I'm being truthful when I told her I have been trying time and time again to work this out and have repeatedly offered a way towards forgiveness and reconciliation once she/you dump that loser neighbor man-boy.

I'm not rewriting that...tired...my tenses are all off but hope you get the point.

I've also given you multiple suggestions for Plan A. reread. You're gonna have to get more creative than just a voicemail or text. Show up at work....etc.

Mr. W

This may seem dumb, but when WW took her phone and switched plans are you sure she kept the same #?

I do have WS email but I do not have friends email address.

I was thinking about sending a dozen roses to WS work tomorrow. With a not that says " Because I love you, Because you are my best friend. Because the door is still open. Always Will!."

"Always Will" is something we used to say to each other when I was at training or gone to a school. I would say "Always Will" and she would always respond "Always Have"

I have also though about sending her a sweet text in the morning because WS used to love waking up to sweet texts from me. She would always say it made her day and put her in a good mood.

L&S

I am sure WS has the same number because when I called yesterday she still had the same VM message.

That sounds like a good plan, especially the "Always Will" that will bring back memories of your happy times together.

I wish the Harleys would make an MB version of a movie like "Fireproof". As much as I enjoyed it, I kept wanting to give the main characters a good old-fashioned dose of MB advice. I think it would be awesome if we could see, in movie form, how the unselfish, No Expectations part of Plan A really works.

I contacted my lawyer today and told him not to contact WS lawyer. I told him I wanted to wait and be served. I feel this will give me more time to Plan A. He agreed but told me once I am served we have 30 days to respond and not to wait until the last day to bring him the papers.

I wanted to wait until I got some feedback from you guys before I did anything. I did not get the flowers ordered today. I am going to order them tomorrow and have them delivered on Thursday.

I still plan to send her a sweet text in the morning. I am going to say "Good Morning beautiful, not a day goes by that I don't think about you or your smile. I hope you have a good day!" I don't think is should be too long but not too short.

What do you think? Does this make me sound weak or needy? I don't want to come across as that. I want to sound confident and sure of myself.

L&S

I suggest simply sending flowers with the message 'Always Will' or To (her name) from (your name) with nothing else.

Have the text be "Morning, hope you have a good day."

You can Plan A without appearing weak/needy.

Romantic gestures of yesteryear will just irritate her for now. Keep messages simple and kind and sweet but not mushy.

I don't like it because it doesn't engage her in any way into any kind of meaningful dialogue. She'll just roll her eyes and go about her day. I also don't think you need or want to babble on about yourself. That's a whorable idea.

I come back to what I suggested last night...she needs to know that you've been talking to those friends JUST AS SHE HAS and that....just to be sure she needs to know that you are fighting for her and willing to give forgiveness a shot (were she to seek your forgiveness). Then ask her if she'd be willing to meet to discuss this whole thing respectfully at say the local starbucks at 8 pm tomorrow night?

She may just meet with you hoping to speed up the divorce...so what...THAT is when you plan A. A text message isn't a good time to be dropping romantic comments about her smile while she's out cheating on you with OM. Most women only care/love one man at a time and today..you aren't that guy...so it won't mean anything to her (other than..if you are lucky) make her feel even more guilty for what she's done which makes her less likely to want to speak or meet with you.

Be business like. Give her the impression you want to clear up a misunderstanding with the girlfriend and insist that she either needs to get respectful with you or expect a long dragged out divorce (and discovery). You have no intent on just disappearing without more of an explanation.

Again..your "bait" is your seeming willingness to cooperate and her eagerness to get you to cooperate. Your "bait" is not complimenting her smile. Once you get her alone...you offhandedly can compliment her but reaching out to her with compliments alone will have no effect.

Mr. W

I did send a text this morning. It said "Good Morning Beautiful, I hope you have a good day today." I am going to work on a email tonight. I will post it on here to get some feedback.

I am still thinking about sending the flowers. I know WS used to love when I would send her flowers out of the blue. WS liked when I had them sent to her work.

Should my email be short and to the point or should I insert Plan A things in there as well? I am just trying to bring good memories to her mind of times when we were happy.

L&S

If you send flowers the card should NOT be in an envelope and you want it to read:

"From your loving husband who is doing everything he can to save our marriage. Come home...we can work this out."

You WANT her co-workers to read it and spread the rumor around. You WANT to upset her and contradict the things she's been saying around the office. The more people that know she's a liar the better...and perhaps someone somewhere will finally sit her down and share their own story and advise her that things can be different.


The email should/could be the same thing. You don't have that persons email but you some others. CC them saying you heard a rumor that WW has been running around telling everyone that you've given up on her and the marriage. That you haven't even tried to reconcile and that you just don't even seem to care and that THAT is the furthest thing from the truth. That you've been calling, texting and trying to talk to her for weeks now. That you've indicated a willingness to work on the marriage and forgive her for her affair with OM were she to end things with him once and for all. Indicate that although many may feel that forgiveness and reconciliation is a waste of time and effort but, for now, that is your mistake to make and you've remain subject to your vows and commitments to love, honor and protect your wife in good times and bad and she certainly needs protecting from this former convict predator OM.


It may seem harsh...but you've got nothing here to lose. Your soft approach isn't engaging her at all and you need face time one way or another in order for her to reflect on your relationship at all. She's avoiding reality...so reality needs to knock a little louder until reality gets a response. Her response MAY be a restraining order. So what? Court requires time, effort and maybe you'll get to see her there. Being quiet and barely trying to contact her other than a few text messages here and there is merely rewarding her silent treatment. It's working for her. Instead find a way to make it NOT work for her....make talking to you work better. Perhaps the lure of a "friendship" work for her. You won't be begging her for another chance so much as just trying to get back into a friendly relationship with her so you can accomplish two things:

1. Become, once again, a source of advice, comfort, information versus talking and relying solely on OM, her father and her friends

2. OM won't like you talking to her and it interferes with their affair. OM KNOWS she's a liar so any time she spends with you will set his imagination running wild and they will lovebust each other (because soulmates are supposed to trust each other implicitly).

Final thought...what would you do if your wife was on a crack bender at a crackhouse somewhere for days even weeks on end with only her cell phone? Would you be sending her notes about her smile or telling her to have a nice day? Would you really care if she thought you were needy or desperate? Why would what a crackhead thinks matter? Being nice is not fighting for your marriage. That's just hoping being nice will sort things out. Get in this fight. This is a war against her addiction to OM. YOU are her superhero who MAY be able to save her from a lifetime of waywardness or not...what would you do if you weren't afraid?

Mr. W

+1 with Mr. W


This isn't panic mode time, but you need to leverage what you can right now and use that to your advantage.


For all we know she has blocked you from sending text's to her.

If you are going to Plan A this has be used with multiple methods as Mr W. was saying.


And


Before you fire off an email, please post it here before you hit send.

Pay attention to the message Mr. W advises you to send.

You are NOT dealing with your Wife.

You are dealing with an Alien Wayward who has twisted reality and spun Her victim story to anyone she could.

Your Lovey Dovey notes Will NOT break through to her, but rather push her farther and farther away.

I hope you take the advice you have been getting here and on the other forum.

I was a push over wimp and it did NOT get Any positive results at all.

LTL

I really like that idea I am going to call and have them deliver the flowers tomorrow. I am going to tell them not to put the card in the envelope. I will have them put on the card exactly what Mr. Wondering said. Should I have them put the "Always Will" on the card as well?

I am sure WS has spun plenty of lies at her workplace. Keep in mind WS is a special education teacher at a grade school. The only thing that worries me is if she does put a restraining order on me. I am not sure if that can effect my military career. I will come up with an email tonight and post it on here before I send it. I will probably wait until Friday to send the email.

I feel like I shouldn't doo too much at once. Also, any feedback on how this will effect Plan A. Some of this does seem pretty harsh to me. But you guys are right my sweet texts are having no effect at all. I need face time to Plan A in a calculated effective way.

L&S

A WW needs to be Plan A'd with a bit more sternness than a WH. Those are great suggestions.

I think Mr. W's thought is complete in and of itself. Save the "Always Will" for another day. It's a great line, but too much info for her to take in at once. WS's have very short attention spans, and anything longer than what Mr. W recommended will muddy the water.

I doubt if a RO without verifiable grounds will count against you much, if at all. Any idiot can ask for one, and at least get a TRO. She would need much more to get a more permanent RO, which you'll be extremely careful not to provide her. So for now, if she does meet you, public places only, and don't respond to any provocation, except to leave.

I got the flowers ordered with the message that Mr. W suggested. I also told the flower shop not to put the card in an envelope. They will be delivered today between 12 and 1.

I was thinking about sending a text this morning but I decided not to. I think the flowers will be enough for one day. I don't want to do too much too soon. I did not get a chance to write the email last night. it is the first thing I am going to do tonight when I get off of work.

I will post it on here before I send it Friday morning. Thank you guys for all of the advice. With how I have been feeling about all of this it is kind of hard to be creative.

I am glad I have decided to finally go all in with Plan A. I just hope it is not too late since I was on the fence for so long about it. It is all starting to make sense to me. Plan A but being stern. This will not make me look needy but confident.

Thanks Keep it coming,
L&S

You should be confident...you are taking a hero's last stand for your marriage.

Now...is there anything you can think of that you could do to get under OM's skin? When you poke at a hornet...you might as well poke the entire nest. OM is a single guy...if your wife becomes too much trouble he may just move on to easier less complicated conquests.

What about the old ex-girlfriend/baby mama?

Mr. W

MrWondering,

I do feel more confident that is for sure. I am standing up for my marriage again. As for OM he is a single guy. I have tried and tried to think of things I could do to make his life harder and get under his skin. I have not been able to think of anything I can do that will not make me look bad or crazy.

I do want to frustrate him and make things harder for him. OM has court tomorrow morning for his 2nd DUI and illegal possession of a firearm charge. I hope they throw the book at him.

I have talked to OM baby mama and she said he has found out OM is on cocaine. She did say he agreed to pay her $100 a week and help with clothes and medical. He is giving her whatever she wants cause he cannot afford a lawyer if she takes him to court. She has told me he is the type of guy that gets with a girl gets what he wants then moves on to the next.

Any ideas on what I can do to make his life harder and push him away from WS?

L&S

Wonder if you could show up in court or somehow get a message to the judge. The judge has a lot of discretion in sentencing and a God fearing Christian judge MAY throw the book at him on your behalf. Heck...he could get creative and make ending the affair a condition of his parole. There is an army of secret former betrayed spouses out there just itching to settle the score with an unsuspecting OM. It's a longshot but that's one of the beautiful things about exposure....you never know where your marriages best allie will be.

I'm not a litigator so I don't know...but it's possible you could request the clerk to allow you to address the judge after the guy pleads (or is found guilty) but prior to sentencing. At that point you merely state how this guy has victimized you AND YOUR WIFE and how you'd like to see him punished for his crimes today to the fullest extent of the law. Be brief and non-vindictive. It's a protective action really on behalf of your marriage and NOT revenge against the OM (revenge is an empty hole).

Just you being there will tick him off.

Also...you aren't allowed to take pictures in court but film him on your cell phone leaving the court and then make facebook posts about the whole thing thereafter spreading the good news about OM.

Cockroaches hate the light of day. Shine a flashlight on them and they scurry away [like when they scurry away to another forum to hide from the "singing streetwalker"].

Mr. Wondering

I have talked to OM baby mama and she said he has found out OM is on cocaine.

If true, you can almost certainly expect to find out that WW is partaking of the same vice. Sorry - but we have seen this scenario play out too many times not to predict the likely.

Use this in your fight. Me to you 14 August:

Do I recall that WW is a Special Ed teacher? Did your exposure list include a selection of her closest (cattiest?) co-workers? (Remember, Plan A specifically includes the admonition NOT to prevent the fallout from her adultery from landing on her. I'm not sure how administrators would view an adulteress instructing students, many of whom already wrestle with emotional disabilities.)

Adding the fact of her associating with a purported drug user to your workplace exposure would create elevated trouble in WW's "paradise", which is exactly what you want until the affair ends.

Also, maybe moronic FIL would take his head out of his rectum long enough to listen to this story, if augmented by those images to which Mr W alluded.

I was advised not to show up at OM appearance so I called a friend yesterday who was going to try to pull some strings for me to get a bug in someone's ear for OM court appearance this morning. They told me they cannot make any promises but the message was delivered to the right people.

WS is not friends with any of her co-workers. They are all much older than her and she doesn't really talk to them. Knowing that I did not include any of them in my exposure.

I got divorce papers in the mail yesterday. There was a letter in there from her lawyer stating if he does not hear from me in the next 10 days he will have me served. I decided to take the papers to my lawyer today. I am sure he will call or email me very soon.

I knew it was coming so it wasn't that surprising to me, but it still really hurt. Again it was another huge reality check. Still no contact between me and WS. I have not sent a text or call since Wednesday and the flowers were delivered yesterday with MR W note.

I just cant stop thinking about how fast this is happening. It is hard to concentrate on anything at this point. Once again at a loss as to why.

L&S