Did you ever email the Harleys?

It will take some time to fill your LB. When he keeps committing Love Busters it will make withdrawals from your LB. He needs to stop those love busters and make more deposits than withdrawals.

Anna, this is great news!! I would keep this on the front burner until it is resolved. Do you have the book Lovebusters? That is where you need to start. I would spend a lot of time on the chapter on disrespectful judgments.


You will feel better once he stops draining your lovebank with lovebusters. Does he want any of his efforts to work? Everything good thing he does is undone with ONE lovebuster. So that needs to stop NOW.


Let him know this needs to be done this week.

Will your husband come here and start his own thread?

Thank you for your time.
We keep reading the chapter in LB on DJ but he agrees when we read, but once it happens in life - he doesn't see it or stop.
Now I feel like I can't say anything without him telling me I am using DJ's as well.
If I respectfully complain or even say how I feel... He says its a DJ.
Also, he now is constantly on my kids saying the way they blinked or didn't say thank you correctly is a DJ... Sigh, its hard on them and us.

I would like to include this: my DD has started having stomach aches, runs when DH comes around and cries like crazy talking about killing herself. (This isnt for show, she tries to hid most of this but seems to have broken this last month and is unable now)
I even moved her next to our room so I can keep an eye on her. She is only 8... I am doing everything I can think of and am scared. This is really weighing on me and honestly makes me all the more ready to kick him out.

I feel worse than before we began.

I honestly don't want him to come here yet. It still seems like plan B is gonna have to happen or stay on the fore front and I don't want him reading my posts. Is this wrong?

Still hasn't joined our accounts. We are getting 15 hours of UA... And I hate it. I am starting to get physically ill before we go out, even though it is the only time he is nice. ( I actually feel beaten with a club with MB now) I don't understand.
Take that back, I still feel torn to shreds everyday, then feel like I am stuck with my abuser. I understand fine.

Plan B?
I would write Dr. H but DH says he is not enthusiastic at all about that and would feel betrayed if I did. Is this one of those times to skip POJA?
Anything else?

Many times, both spouses write the Harley's. You could tell him you plan to write Dr. Harley and invite him to do the same. I think for you to write Dr. Harley falls under the POJA exception of it being for your health and safety.

Anna, it doesn't sound like he is using the program AT ALL if the only time he is nice is when you spend your 15 hours together. And of course a complaint is not a "DJ," that is ridiculous.

I am very worried about your daughter. Why is so scared of him?

Your H is using the program to control and punish the rest of you. I would write Dr Harley TODAY and ask him to CALL YOU. He needs to understand the complete situation and you can't take the chance of him misunderstanding your case.

STOP going out with him until he resolves his lovebusters.

So, that's at least three of us that agree you should write Dr. Harley. If your husband feels betrayed because you want to get clarification of MB principles from Dr. Harley, that's a red flag in itself.

I wanted to let everyone know that after some phone tag etc problems, I will be a caller on the show 10-7-13.
I hope you guys will listen.
Joyce talked with me a while, she is wonderful!

Ok, off to bed now!

Fantastic Anna. Thanks for letting us know.

Hi Anna! I heard your call. What did you think?

Hi!
Dr. Harley talked with me before the show as well but will leave that for safety reasons. I told my H what he said to tell him and am going to give him the 2 weeks to see if anything happens... But not holding my breath.
He didn't listen to the show. He said he thinks the idea on how to treat Dd and all was good and he was willing but is frustrated at me not being happy with him.

He did stop himself yesterday from getting onto my DD and is willing to get her into counseling ASAP. I still feel like he thinks of himself as some great guy for marrying a woman with a problem child and the counseling seems to re enforce it but will go regardless.

He is the king of lectures. He isn't angry but my goodness... I consider every single moment of one, a huge DJ.

We aren't getting UA time much and he complained tonight about not getting his needs met but does it in lectures.... He just will not or can't see them as disrespectful. I ventured out on a kinda date tonight but it was strained.

I took the love test in the counseling book. I answered -3 for every question. I have never thought that I hate someone but to say I Really don't like him would be an understatement.
The marriage assessment: I said all but angry outburst are so serious they threaten the marriage for LoveBusters and on EN: the ones threatening are FS, SF, OH, IC, FC
His all had good or needs a little work. Seems like so much to overcome and impossible unless he jumps on board with both feet.

The call actually gave me Peace. He either starts making the changes or I can go into plan B.... Either way will at least be relief for me.