Once in the court system, you can do much to drag things out, if you so choose. Make this take as long as possible. And as difficult for WW/OM as you can.

I'd still expose to her co-workers, even if you think there's not much of a bond. A trust-filled position like SE teacher needs a person of integrity to fill it, and they may be able to put additional pressure on the A that no one else can.

No stone unturned!

You need to send certified letters to the principal, vice principal, HR, the school board, the superintendent.

I would also include OM's public rap sheet which you can print off court view.

Work exposure is crucial in this.

I understand that but if WS loses her job won't that make me look really bad? I feel like exposing like that to her job will make reconciliation impossible. That is huge. Exposure like that will push WS farther away. I am definitely on the fence about this one. It was hard for me to even expose but I knew it had to be done.

I went back and forth about it then finally did it. I'm not sure about this one guys. I feel like the restraining order would come. A order of protection. I have to think twice about everything I do, I don't want to hurt my military career.

Exposure like that will push WS farther away.

So she might send you REALLY MEAN divorce papers?

You are so disoriented my friend, that you cannot think strategically.

- If WW were to lose her job, would she be MORE or LESS keen on kicking you out of her life, and moving in with the troglodyte in his parents' basement?

- If the school were to investigate and can her, would that not go a long way in demonstrating the legitimacy of your claims to anyone on the fence?

- If, as is almost certain, she's huffing the crack pipe in addition to OM's "pipe", do you not have a moral duty to alleviate her exposure to at-risk children?

Until the affair is over, you are AT WAR. Get 'er done, dude! Stop thinking, start acting!

The consequences of her having an affair must happen. And how would this ruin your career? SHE is the one who had an affair.

Agreeing with NG. Get 'r done. Expose as has been told to you.

Sorry guys I just don't see how this will even help. I cant do that to her. I have already exposed and I have already received divorce papers. I feel like at this point I should be in Plan A not pushing her farther away.

I know WS better than anyone and her losing her career would definitely push her over the edge. Also, if we were to reconcile this would not help either. She would be without a job and that would only make it harder. I thought long and hard about exposing to people WS worked with and that just isn't the right answer for me.

I am still in Plan A. I sent WS a message on FB today "Hey gorgeous wanna go get some fro yo later and talk for a little bit." As suspected not response but that hasn't changed.

I also went goose hunting this morning and when we were at my friends cleaning birds WS and her friend drove by. I just wish I knew how to break through to her.

L&S

You ought to stop the 'gorgeous, etc' in your texts.

Simplify for the wayward mind
'Want to get some Frozen yogurt later?"

"Interested in the movie _________?"

"Nice sunny day. Hope you are enjoying the weather."

If you send simple messages.......she is more apt to consider them.

HTMS

1. Exposure is part of Plan A. It's the Carrot AND the Stick, not the Carrot OR the Stick.

2. Her adultery (even if drug use is not in the picture) is most definitely impacting her job performance. She can't be a bad adulteress part-time, and a good teacher the other part. Adultery spills over into every aspect of life, with a tremendous negative impact, and a higher risk of anger and violence to everyone the WS knows or is around...including children.

You can choose not to expose to her workplace. But it sounds like you're making many of your decisions based on fear. Not a good or healthy place to be.

I am scared and living in the fear of the unknown. I am scared because I don't have any control in this matter. I am scared because I don't know how this is going to effect my life in the future. I am scared because I am losing my marriage so quickly. I know regardless of the outcome I will be ok, but that does not make this any easier.

I have to give it more thought about exposing to her workplace. As for the texts I will try to simplify them more. I was thinking about doing something but, I wanted to get everyone's opinion before I do it.

I have drill next weekend, where I have to stay out of town. I was thinking about calling WS and asking her if she would be interested in keeping him for the weekend. I see this as kind of a Plan A thing. Letting WS know this is still her dog and the door is still open.

When I had VAR in the garage before I changed the locks, WS would come everyday and let our dog out on her lunch break. Everyday when she left she would always tell him she loves and misses him. When WS was home he was her dog. He had nothing to do with me when WS was around.

It was just an idea I have been tossing around. Cause next month at drill I will be gone again. Let me know what you guys think.

I appreciate it
L&S

Yes on the dog. It's a connection between you two in a situation where she was to erase any connection or reminder of you.

I'm debating this suggestion but perhaps making her come to your home to check on the dog would be best for the connection thing to. Better have the place cleaned out of anything she may steal or destroy and make it clear OM is not allowed on the property.

Have you done any remodeling, redecorating, repainting yet? You want to be changing things up and making the house yours as an indication you don't intend to leave (even if you do end up listing it soon they don't have to know that...let them think you intend to stay up the street forever). It's also an indication that you are a fully functional individual capable of taking care of your home and moving on if you must. This is a contrast effect to OM who is falling apart himself.

Mr. W

I don't think your home suggestion is controversial. While still in Plan A, getting them back in the house again, even for short time periods is great. (If you can do it.)

It isn't until Plan B that you want the dwelling fully off-limits. But just as you said, steal-proof and destroy-proof your stuff.

Funny how she can't connect the dots.



Finally, the string that keeps you attached.



I had pretty much the exact same situation in relation with the dog/dogs.

I have not done anything to the home other than put a new vanity sink in our bathroom. WS has already seen this. She actually complimented me on it. I have kept the home clean and tidy.

I am going to ask WS about our dog on Monday. I feel it would be best to contact her about it while she is at work. So she does not have friends/family telling her this is a bad idea.

I was also thinking about changing the locks back on our home. I feel this would let WS know the door is still open and she is still welcome in our home. If WS does agree to take the dog and possibly let him out again during the day, I will definitely steal proof my home.

I have already taken all important paper documents out of our home. I also have documented everything that still remains in our home. I have went back and forth about asking her about the dog. Thanks for giving me the courage to do so.

Let me know what you guys think about changing the locks back or simply giving her a key to our home.

Thanks L&S

I have also, stopped posting on two forums. I plan to stick to this one and keep taking the advice given by all of you. I feel this is the best plan for me and all of your help is really appreciated. It is kind of hard for me to get creative right now. All of our input and ideas have helped thus far.

Good.

It's better to get advice from here, which follows Dr. Harley. A clinical psychologist with 40+ years of saving marriages and the only proving program that works from infidelity, and 95% of his information is free.Then another site with a bunch of wannabe psychologists with no degrees and failing marriages.

You may not be able to recover your marriage, but you will recover yourself. Stick with what has been proving to work.

It's better to get advice from here which follows Dr. Harley.

Well, yes and no, Brainy!

Gathering the advice is worth jack-sh1+ unless one follows/applies said advice.

So, L_S, have you summoned the courage to expose to her co-workers and school administration, yourself, or are you continuing to waver on conducting the FIGHT necessary?

Whether you give her a key or change the locks back, isn't the message one in the same.


Does WW know you have drill?


Wouldn't hurt to add some mystery as to why you are going to be gone for a few days.

I would not change locks back.
You can Plan A without playing with fire.

I would keep my house a 'safe from unsupervised waywards' zone.

She can visit the dog in the secured area.

You can make the garage a cool hangout.

I hear what others are saying about letting her in but unsupervised.....it would give me, personally, nerves of jello. I would flinch each time I entered after she was there. Wondering what was taken or gone through.

I agree. Your home should be a safe zone. You don't want her taking anymore sensitive documents. She can visit/care for/interact with the dog in a neutral zone.

Lastly - if it at all helps consider your marriage lost - any action you take improves the chances of recovering your relationship (i.e.: exposure to her work). My wife said she would divorce me if I told anyone in her work - well I did, and it result in saving our marriage - it snapped her out of the fantasy world she was in and that was months after I tried talking to her and doing a modified exposure.

I liken following Dr. Harley recommendations like following instructions listed on the side of toothpaste. It doesn't work following part of the instructions and doing your own thing for the other half. Try it yourself. It doesn't work.

I had thought that maybe the A had ended but I just got confirmation OM is still in the picture. I was told they were seen together at Wal Mart a few days ago. Also, a few weeks ago WS deleted every pic of us off of FB. I was looking at her pictures today and she forgot one so I "liked" it. A few minutes later WS deleted the picture.

WS does not know that I have drill this next weekend. I am still not sure about exposing to WS work. I want to make things more difficult for OM. I just don't know how to do this without getting in trouble. If I knew I could get away with it I would just whoop his a$$ and make him think twice about messing with a married woman.

As you know on FB you can put saying and stuff on there> I was thinking about putting one on there about not giving up on relationships?

L&S