Am I nuts or what? (don't answer that). But lately I thought of telling my H since I can't decide if I want to stay married to him, why don't I try this dating thing? I could sort of test the waters. He had 5 chances to see if there was a better option for him, why not me. This would be out in the open so would I be cheating? I don't really want to do this, I think though it would test his true feelings.<P>Would he put up with it? That would answer alot for me. I would really like to see his reaction. I think he would give up, then it would be settled. I think it would be nice to have some attention right now. Some assurance that I still got it. He must have felt great about himself. He doesn't even try to deny that one. <P>If anyone needs to feel good about themselves its me.<P>What do you think. I know if I did this, I would only be using the poor guy. So my point is?

OOHHH, Crushed, I read it but I can't answer this one right now. I'll get back to you, ok? <P>Lori

Crushed,<P>Sorry, I don't know your story. Are you in Plan A or B?<BR>My 1st thought, it that you are only wanting to do this to somehow get 'back' at your H. If this is the case, I would say that dating is a BAD idea.<BR>You need to be able to communicate w/ him how your are feeling. This is such a painful time, that I think dating right now would only complicate things, esp for you.<BR>You said yourself that you would be 'using the poor guy, so what is the point'. It sounds to me like you maybe have answered your own question.<P>Good luck,<P>Cheryl

Don't got there. If your desire is to remain married, stop right now. Don't do something like that for the purpose of eliciting <I>his</I> reaction. Satisfaction will be temporary, and in the end it will only feed your anger and frustration.

For ceecee, I think I am in plan c (Neither a or b) those two plans are not relative in my case. I don't know if I want to stay in the marriage, and that's the point. Maybe this would shed some light for both of us.<P>Thanks

Crushed,<P>You you two seperated? Has divorce been filed? <BR>My thoughts to you are still the same. Getting involved in dating is now going to solve anything right now. I think that is will only complicate things.<BR>Maybe you should go to Plan B. Take some time for yourself, and see what happens.<P>Take care,<P>Chery;

Crushed,<BR> I wouldn't "PLAY GAMES" to get a reaction. Because you CAN'T win. If he sees through it (He KNOWS you better) he will call your bluff. AND WILL THAT HURT!!<P> Also, it won't REALLY mean anything no matter WHAT he says. They LIE. Espessally to THEMSELVES!! <BR> It could also REINFORCE that you may be "Better off without him" You know? GOOD LUCK FRANK<P>------------------<BR>desperate<BR>"If yesterday didn't stop today, Why should TODAY stop tomorrow??" <BR>"Wisdom is why!!"<P>

Hi Crushed,<P>I went on my first real date in 11 years. I was not trying to get a response from the W. Wasn't going to tell her. BUT, I felt dirty afterwards and did mention it. She did not believe me and became VERY interested if I was going to go out again.<P>I'm kind of in Plan A B D. I will be nice to W when she calls, but, will not go out of my way to contact her. Divorce is underway. Papers will be ready to be signed in mid January. If that's the way it goes. Divorce will be final around Valentines day 2000.<P>I just NEEDED to go out. I will not sit here every night waiting for W to stop waffling and dump the OM. Was it a confidence builder? Did I want to see if I still got it? NO!<P>This Tuesday I went out with an old girlfriend from 13 or so years ago. I told her up front that "nothing" was going to happen. I am still legally and morally married to Val even if she does not think so. I also told old GF that I hope one day W would wake up from the affair and return to our home. <P>Long story short. I had a great time. Spent 6 hours just talking, well we went out to eat too. I know Michele is very intrested in picking up where we left off so many years ago and has made it quite clear. I will wait and see if my beloved W will wake up.<P>I do NOT recommend this as a marriage saving concept. Once again, I just needed some female companionship.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

Thanks again guys for the great advice. I'll probally take it. Besides, men kinda give me the willys right now!!<P>Isn't plan b about giving the spouse the ultimatium, leave her or else? Anyway, that doesn't apply as he never left me for any of them. H wants to stay married. UGG

Crushed,<P>Plan B is not about giving an ultimatum. It it designed to save the love you still hold for your S. When you absolutely can not stay in Plan A [no love busting]. It prepares YOU and S for the eventuallity of divorce. You can look back and not regret making the effort to reconsile. <P>If you fully implimented Plan A, it gives the S the good memory that you really wanted to salvage the marriage. This is a Cliff Notes kind of meaning.<P>Order SAA from this site. It's really worth it. Go to the Home page and click on PLAN A/ PLAN B for a much better explaination.<P>Wishing us all the Best.<P>Medic

could someone please point me in the direction of this Plan a plan b that everyone keeps talking about.???????????????????

Its in Harleys " Surviving an Affair"