it started out innocent enough, conversations, texting, meeting once and a blue moon. Myself and the OW work in the same field, not same employer. Normally we'd discuss work, it progressed to discussing family life.

It continued to sharing our marital problems until it turned into a EA. Then finally it became physical started with hugs and progressed to kisses but it stopped there.

We'd send each other cute, romantic messsages. The affair was discovered by my wife. She had suspected but never knew for sure. At the discovery I admitted all. Ive answered every question shes asked, Ive taken 100% responsibility, Ive told her none of this is her fault. I offered he access to everything cell, emails, bank documents given her iphone tracking ability. I kknow Ill nver fully understand how much Ive hurt her but I'm trying. We've started counselling. We had problems in our marriage, I know my communication was pitiful. I was geetting from the OW what I wasnt getting at home. I know if I had only tried to talk to her without fighting we wouldnt be in the situation I've caused. Problems in the marriage are shared, but my decision to seek comfort somewhere else is all on me.


I see her anger, and she has an absolute right to be angry with me I never say she doesnt. In fact I validate that for her.

Im looking for help, she has one question I dont know how to answer. If I wasnt caught, I would have kept in contact with the ow. How do I respond to this?

BTW, Ive cut off all contact with the ow, I told her it was over and wouldnt be contacting her again. I havent contacted her and do not plan on it. We are trying hard to make the marriage work. We both still love each other very much

Can anyone offer some advice. I need help PLEASE!

Hi MM, welcome to Marriage Builders. Can you send your wife here so we can help her? The answer to your wife's question about you affair is probably yes, right? You would be the only person who can answer that.

Please get the book Surviving an Affair and read through the "read here first" thread at the top of the forum. We can help you with next steps.

Is the OW married? If so, has her husband been informed of the affair?

With the truth.

(and I suspect the truth is, "Yes.")

Lying to your wife now and altering your answer later will not only erase any progress that you made, but set you back farther than you are now.

Tell the truth.

BV

Can anyone offer some advice.

the key piece of advice you will get is to organize your complete history with the OW, and give your BW the entire, complete, no-holds-barred, TRUTH.

Then finally it became physical started with hugs and progressed to kisses but it stopped there.

And unless you are willing to arrange for, and undergo, a polygraph test on the underlined passage, do NOT give that account to BW.