Thank you all for your comments. You are true believers in Marriage Builders.
I wonder if you look at the actual questions in my email and would answer it?

"I am trying to decide if my desire to divorce is unreasonable or unjustified, or if I should give it one more go since my husband has at least tried.
I really think i will never get over the first 15 years and forgive him. It sounds terrible, but I'm trying to be honest."

Is there ever a point at which its ok NOT to want to work on the marriage and just move on?

Thank you all.

Jane, you probably could get over it if you got the right kind of counseling. Most counseling is useless. Marriage counseling has an 84% failure rate and marriage counselors have a higher personal divorce rate than the general population. They don't have the slightest idea how to save a marriage. Marriage Builders is completely different from traditional marriage counseling in that it focuses on making behavioral changes that result in romantic love. In your case, Dr Harley would insist your husband attention anger management courses FIRST and learn to control his anger. If he doesn't do that, then he will return to his old behavior and you will be wasting your time.

If your husband will go through anger management and go through the MB program you can fall in love again. If you fall in love with him you WILL get over the last 15 years of neglect and abuse BECAUSE people who are happy in the present do not think of the tragedy of the past.

I would get a couple of books for you and your husband and research this plan. Get Lovebusters and Fall in Love, STay in Love. You can focus first on the book Lovebusters, especially the chapter on Angry outbursts. I would insist that your husband go through a good anger management course as a first step, though. In the meantime you can read up on this program.

If your husband will get professional help for his anger, here is the program I would try: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi9000_courses.html

Sign up for the online program because they assign you a coach who works with you weekly and walks you through the entire program. They test you all along the way to determine if you have fallen back in love. Basically it is a step by step program to create a romantic relationship.

In that program, you have daily access to Dr Harley also. My H and I went through the course in 2007 and had amazing results. It really does work.

Thank you for your specific answer and advice.
I will consider it.

That is a question only you can answer. When to quit. Everyone is different. If you can walk away and know you've done everything then I think you have your answer.

But if you are here asking this question then maybe you aren't ready to walk???

Have you seen these?
When to Call it Quits #1
When to Call it Quits #2
When to Call it Quits #3

BrainHurts thats exactly my problem. Not really ready to walk but not willing to stay either.
I guess everyone in a bad marriage has to come to this point eventually.
I guess I'm afraid of hurting him, disappointing God, and making the wrong decision--who knows the future.

Thanks for all your help.

Would you write Dr. Harley?

Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

I would like to ask anyone reading this to pray that God will give me guidance--either peace for a divorce or the conviction to stay in my marriage.
Thank you.

Jane, can I give you a suggestion? First off, I think God led you to this forum to get answers. You don't have a clear plan and not having a plan is a plan to fail. I don't think you should stay married to your husband unless he makes a radical change in his anger management and his approach to marriage. If he could retrain his brain to stop his anger, you would be able to create a romantic marriage with him. Dr Harley has turned many of these marriages around so I know yours could be salvaged too *IF* your husband will get professional help to successfully resolve this problem.

If he is not successful, you would be correct to leave the marriage.

Why not start there? Make it a condition that he enter a qualified anger management program and that he go through the Marriage Builders program? We could show you how to create a romantic, happy marriage. But that can only happen if he stops his abusive behavior. You will NEVER be in love with him otherwise.

What do you think?

MB is not a marriage at all costs program, BUT I agree that up until now you have maybe not had a definitive plan. MB is a definitive plan. You obviously take your vows seriously, so why not go all in with MB for a time, and at least you can know you did everything possible even if your H never changes.