Tell me your story. How long was your affair? What did you do to save your marriage? I feel like such an idiot for what I did. I don't know what I was thinking. This was the first and last time this has ever happened and I am disgusted. All I want to do is have my husband, whom I love dearly, back. I've made such a huge mistake and I just don't know what to do. I get such conflicting advice.

AnnR:<P>What kind of conflicting advice do you get? The answer is simple: try to rebuild. Perhaps your H doesn't want to right now. Probably can't see himself ever "loving" you since you did this. If so, that's HIS decision. Like the others said on your other thread, you've made your decision. You've repented and want to work things out. Now, HE has to decide what HE wants. How sad if he leaves without really trying! Some people just can't get over the betrayal, but I would hope that he would at least TRY!<P>Can you get him to counseling? If not couples counseling, then what about a counselor for HIM alone? This is so hard. I could't have forgiven my wife and rebuilt without our counselor. She gave us GREAT advice and support.<P>I hope your H comes around soon and realizes that he's only hurting himself if he doesn't at least try.<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

Some people tell me to beg for him to come back.... others tell me to take care of myself and let him go .... I want him back. I love him very much. He doesn't want to go to counseling w/ me. We have two small, wonderful children. He said I should have thought about them when I was having the affair. He's right but I swear I could have been declared insane during that time. Don't know WHAT I was thinking. Can't stand OM. I just don't know whether I should start moving ahead or just waiting. Moving ahead would mean going back to work and finding care for my children. I don't want that. In my heart, I will wait on him forever. But is that the right decision?<BR>

Ann,<P>I'm writing all over the place to keep up with you... <P><B>I've been where you are</B>... trust me, you need to hang on!!!<P>Please don't give up. Fight for your marriage!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Ann:<P>In a word, YES. It IS the right decision. The fact is, you can't rush him on this. He's going to deal with it when he's ready. Right now, he wants to just run from it. I suspect, however, that he'll come to his senses. Remind him that HE'S got to small children too, and breaking up his family would be a FAR worse thing to do to them than what you did.<P>Point out to him, as lovingly and as calmly as possible, that if he won't go to counseling for YOU or for HIMSELF, at least he could do it for THEM. Remind him that HE needs to think about them too.<P>How long has it been since the affair? Perhaps the newness of it is still a sore spot for him. Has he filed for divorce yet? Has he moved out? Who does he talk to about this? Is that person giving him good advice or encouraging him to dump you?<P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

My husband has known for about 7 weeks. He has been moved out for 2. It's still new I guess. When does it get old?!! <P>Good Advice about the children. He loves them very much and wants whats best for them. <P>

Ann, the affair lasted 1 1/2 years. Like you, it was the first and last mistake like this I've made in my marriage, and I felt so horrible about it. I know how you're feeling, like your hands are tied and you just want your husband to realize how much you truly love him (and sometimes it takes a traumatic event to truly understand this, doesn't it?). <P>I told him about the affair 6 months after ending it a year ago, and he left the house for several hours, saying that he was moving out. It was horrible the first 3 months, he wouldn't talk to me after asking me all of the questions (I had to answer honestly although I didn't at first, I didn't want to hurt him but thought that was the only way to get his trust back and the only way to be in a marriage, wanted to start over). He started going out with his friends, and I was absolutely miserable, knowing that I deserved what I got. But this isn't the mentality I needed then, I needed to understand that there were problems that we BOTH needed to address to heal, not that there was any justification in what I did, because there isn't, but that there is hope to have a better marriage afterward. I replied on your other thread, and I feel for you so much, because it's so familiar, just a couple of months back it was so raw like where you're at. Just give him time and show him you love him. I followed my husband around like a puppy dog at first and that was so wrong, give him space and let him know you're there if he wants to discuss anything. NB and LoneStar have good advice too, let me know if you want to talk.

THank you all SO MUCH! THis forum has really helped me. Sometimes I worry about who might be reading my postings but honestly, I really don't care at this point. It helps so much to talk to people who have been through this. It is all foreign to me and I don't know what to do or expect next. It overwhelming. Thank you all so much. Expect to hear from me on a regular basis!