I'm hesitant to do that due to the financial consequences. She actually makes quite a bit more than me as an RN. (I had lost a job a few years ago and eventually had to make a career change.)

I'm thinking I may explain the situation to the lawyer next week and get everything drawn up to protect my rights to my son and financially. Then force her out until she's willing to reconcile...if she is at all.

If she is an RN, she can easily get a job somewhere else. Exposure at work may be the one thing that could save your marriage. She has to leave the job anyway if your marriage is ever to recover. That job is not worth sacrificing your marriage.


I think you have better options right now. If you expose the affair properly, there is a good chance she will lose that job and have to find one where the OM doesn't work. That will give your marriage a much better chance of recovery.

Not exposing at her workplace is a serious strategic mistake. You won't have the benefit of that job anyway when you are divorced. And you are more likely to get divorced if you don't expose at the workplace.

Is the coworker OM a doctor, a tech, another nurse?



Expose.

I've been reading 'Surviving An Affair' which Dr. Harley was even hesitant to recommend doing that. I guess I'm seeing some inconsistency there.

The coworker is an aide. The fact that she was working nights and was away from me so much made it worse.

Still, I'll at least give her the chance to leave on her own for another position first. And as I said, I think he may have left that job anyway, in which case her leaving wouldn't help separate them. I could try to find out from their human resources.

There is no inconsistency at all. Dr Harley said to give the WS one month to leave and if she doesn't leave in ONE MONTH, then you should expose.


Give her one month if he is still there.

From Dr Harley's book, Surviving an Affair - pg 71,

"While I unhesitatingly recommend exposing the affair to friends, family, clergy, children and the lover's spouse, I'm not so quick to suggest exposing it to an employer. That's because such exposure could have unintended legal and economic consequences. For example, the affair might constitute grounds for a sexual harassment claim by the unfaithful spouse's lover. Or it might trigger the outright firing of the spouse, making it far more difficult for them to find another job. So in those cases I usually advise the betrayed spouse to warn the unfaithful spouse he or she will expose the affair to the employer in a month if the unfaithful spouse is still working there, giving him or her time to make a graceful exit from the job to another. Even if a new job cannot be found in a month, I recommend waiting no longer to inform the employer, unless the unfaithful spouse has already resigned."

The (OM) is an aide.

Right now she's not sure how serious you are about blowing up her affair-enabling life. Expose to their workplace and remove all doubts from her mind.

Proper exposure will force the management to address this issue. From a practical perspective, do you think they would be more inclined to take action forcing them to find a replacement for an RN, or some bed-pan attendant?

Even if they can both of them, how interested is OM going to be to continue the relationship that got him fired?

Please stop worrying about financial issues when the viability of your child's parents' marriage is at stake.

1) Dr. Harley says to let the WS know it will be exposed in a month before doing so.
2) Is there any point in doing so anyway if the OM doesn't work there anymore?

You have told her this, right?

I don't think you're seeing inconsistency. I think you're seeing that in some cases some people might have circumstances that would recommend against it. You don't have those; if you did, MelodyLane would be all over point it out. She knows Dr. Harley's recommendations well, right down to variances he makes for different circumstances.

She doesn't work there anymore?

How do you know?

I meant he (OM) doesn't work there any more?

So, I will be exposing this to her workplace even though it appears he has left the job. The environment has been toxic to our relationship, and she has a coworker that supports the divorce/affair.

But what about my wife being in the house but still continuing the affair? What do I need to do? Tough it out until I speak to my lawyer this week? Demand she leave? I don't want to leave myself because it would be so painful to leaves son, and I don't think it's really fair to sacrifice my relationship with him.

It was really hard after coming back home tonight after dropping off my son for church. I really wanted to tell her off. Instead, I emailed her parents that the affair was still ongoing, since she has probably told them it's stopped and is lying about...practically everything. Unfortunately, this may be one of those affairs that has to die a natural death.

Sheeyah, I am so sorry to hear this. I would expose to your family and friends again and ask them to speak to your wife. Also, do your best to get ahold of the OM's parents and family members. Cause as much havoc as possible in the affair. The more trouble you create, the faster it will die.

Let your son know she is still having an affair and how much it hurts you.

I would also encourage you to consult an attorney and find out what rights you have. You may be facing separation sooner rather than later since she is so blatant about her affair. That is extremely hard to endure mentally. You will also need to protect your finances since you posted earlier that she is giving money to the OM.

I would certainly NOT leave without your son. You are all he has!! If you feel you have to leave, take him WITH YOU. ARe you in a fault state? How is adultery considered in divorce actions in your state?

Do you plan on using the best practices and template from my exposure thread?

Sheeyah, you haven't done anything wrong. SHE has. If someone has to leave it needs to be HER. And she doesn't take your son with her. Right now she is a negligent mother who is totally destroying your son's family and home. She should not be the primary caregiver for him. That needs to be YOU. Let her know that your son does NOT go with her when she leaves.

I told my son it was still going on and how it made me feel. He seems to be her anchor to the family, so maybe he will be able to show her how much pain she's causing.

I used all your templates for previous exposure, Melody, so this will be no different.

So I woke up this morning to an email from the OM. He was pissed off because I exposed the affair, threatened a lawsuit for slander and defamation of character, and insulted me for not being a real man and confronting him face-to-face. He also said I can't abuse him like I do my wife (so either he's making stuff up or my wife has lied to him.). He said he would talk to me about things at any time.

How do I respond to this? What do I do with this information?

How do I respond to this? What do I do with this information?

Do nothing except a private "happy dance" that you hit him where it obviously hurts!