I agree that these would benefit our marital recovery. But it takes 2 to play "the MB game". I still find myself making decisions or giving up entirely (like on the subject of moving) because Kiss doesn't assist me or be RH with me. In the meantime, my personal recovery suffers.

I find myself posting/reading less and not bothering with the MB radio program so much anymore. I was once interested in "the game", now, not so much.

RQ, I just want to repost some things I have posted to you in the past.

I am at a loss to what to post to you other than repost past advice when you vent about your frustration with KISS.

If KISS is not onboard (which you have repeatedly told us he isn't in addition to complaining about his IB and lack of POJA etc) then this will not get better and you will continue to be miserable with your M.

You are going to have to take a stand at some point.

Susie, thanks. I know and I appreciate it. I'm not saying that Kiss and I don't have a good marriage, it is just not an "MB good" marriage.

Anyway, I was just responding to 20Year.

(RQ, for various reasons I had since 22 August refrained from MB-posting, as it was obvious that my rigorous advice and expectations were increasingly at odds with the "other" advice being offered. Well, hold on kiddo, you are about to get the full treatment.....)

I find myself posting/reading less and not bothering with the MB radio program so much anymore. I was once interested in "the game", now, not so much.

Look, we got it, kiss's idea of marriage is apparently not consistent with what you want, or what MB would prescribe. You should leave your complaints at that, friend. Unilaterally creating a crisis to slam kiss for "leaving you cold" in following MB practices is unworthy of you. And transparently and blatantly skewing your avowals is just that much worse. I offer:

I still find myself...giving up entirely (like on the subject of moving) because Kiss doesn't assist me or be RH with me.

BULLSPIT!

Shall I find and repost the financial analysis I performed for you showing that for POSSIBLY a 10% reduction in some expenses (offset somewhat by increased utility costs), your family's major breadwinner, the much maligned kiss, could expect about a 40% reduction in his income, base on typical NY vs Florida retail-position wages, and your part-time job here would be eliminated as part of your plan? If memory serves, you THANKED ME for that work. It was not Kiss being recalcitrant, but NG being intelligent, logical, and objective, that swayed your intent!

My ex (in the 21st century, probably in the public transport desert that is the MHV?) doesn't have a car (or presumably any way to rent or borrow one for a day).

BULLSPIT! The above does NOT correlate to the below:

Her father is paying the (college tuition) balance for this year.

And as far as alibiing your blatant failures:

I suck at POJA. I never asked kiss how he would feel....just that I'm taking her.

Sounds a whole lot like your plan not to consult with kiss, but just take DD to Cancun, remember? How well did that improve your marital state, and what lesson did you pointedly not choose to learn from it?

And lastly:

I just felt that it wasn't fair (correct or not) to tell my ex no...

Well, shame on you, for displaying a spit-load more care about your ex's tender feelings than about your husband's! You appear to be adapting the familiar "longing for a HS sweetie recontacted on FB", based on the glorious nature of those (warped) memories, into caring at all about your ex, who you know damn well was/is not your "ideal man", at the expense of pain to your spouse!

Now, back to my cave.....

Lol, neverguessed, thank you for your brutally honest assessment of my life! And I take no offense to it.

Your points are well taken.

Kiss and I are not an MB success story. We probably never will be. I just don't seem to care anymore

I would say you do not have a good marriage.

RQ,
As someone who usually just cheers from the sidelines. I have to ask, are you being honest with yourself when you say, "I just don't seem to care anymore"
Indifference is not the same thing as frustration. You are still here!Fight the urge to settle for less than you want for you marriage.
Also just an observation, If you abandon MB principles (road trips with EX)then you will not be a MB success story!
Just saying...
You two just haven't gotten there ...YET!!

In the movie All That Jazz, the Broadway musical impresario played by Roy Scheider comforts a mediocre dancer (with whom he'd slept) with, "Look, I don't know if I can make you a great dancer; I don't even know if I can make you a good dancer. But I know if you keep working with me I can make you a better dancer!"

Need I make the obvious connections about sticking with the MB program, or, since it's 12:30am, can I go to bed?

Just wanted to update on things.

Personally, I've been feeling my resentment fading more. It still flares up now and then but I've been seeing a lot of changes in kiss. He asks me "How would you feel...?" quite often, is being affectionate and being very caring. Some small issues with IB that we need to work on together.

Our UA needs working on now that my eldest is away at college. I'll be looking into that Care.com that fightThefight mentioned (thanks FTF!)in his thread. See if we could get someone to come weekly if possible and affordable.

Moving is still the utmost importance to me. Kiss told me a few nights ago that there was a possibilty that skank would be at his place of employment tomorrow for a meeting. He was arranging to switch his days off so he wouldn't be there when he found out she would not be there. Which is great that she won't be there, but it bothers me that she is still in our lives even in a possible way. Me, being triggered and kiss having some form of contact (hearing about her). I think the best thing would be for Kiss to transfer from where he is altogether rather than just move to another local area, otherwise this will always be an issue. Kiss agrees. If we gotta move, might as well try to get to our final destination, right? I've been thinking of e-mailing Dr Harley about this.

I just ordered Dr. Harley's new book. Looking forward to learn how to negotiate on issues and hope it will tell us how to get unstuck when things aren't moving forward.

I was thinking of you today, kiddo, as I officiated a team from your district's high school (at an away game).

Everything, except the OW-at-kiss's-workplace, is apparently on an upward trajectory (and even that seems to have been well handled by kiss). The forward planning regarding the move can make for a great shared experience if you're both on-board.

UA - as always, the bugbear in recovery. FIGHT for it, RQ, and get creative. On that topic - in the "What's For Dinner" thread last year I mentioned the Saugerties Garlic Festival. Well, it's to be the last weekend in September (info here. )It's a funky kind of gathering, with music, weird and tasty foods, and crafts displayed all day. At $10/person admission, if you and kiss can free up the time, you might find it just the kind of off-beat, out-of-the-norm day that will stick with you - as the taste of the garlic undoubtedly will!

Yes, the fall brings great outdoor festivals to our area. I was thinking of the garlic festival as we have never been and would love for us to go! I'm also hoping that kiss has off for the Warwick apple fest, as well, which is a favorite of mine. My luck, he'll be working.

I have been working hard on the positive aspects of moving and kiss seems to be on board. I just don't know how to get it moving any faster. It's frustrating.

...the fall brings great outdoor festivals...

Let us not forget the October NYS Sheep and Wool Festival in Rhinebeck!

Well, they answered my question on the show today. I haven't had a chance to listen yet.

They also asked for my mailing address for a comp copy of "He Wins, She Wins". I guess I should have waited to order it, LOL.

RQ, I just listened to it. They told you to MOVE and just let kiss follow you. Have you had a chance to listen yet?

I just listened on my way home. I am just real nervous because I don't know where to move to, or where I would work. I only have pretty basic skills, no fancy degrees. I'll have to figure this out. It's pretty scary.

You've talked about moving before. Where would you enjoy living?

RQ I don't have a degree and I make near 40k as a supervisor in a local call center. My best employees on my team don't have degrees. Common sense, hard work, and just showing up are way more valuable than a degree.

Prisca- I would love to be somewhere warm so the kids and I could spend lots of times outdoors. South somewhere. Carolina's, Virginia, Georgia, etc.

Viscountess- I'm sure I could find something, but I look at the job openings down there and feel so inept. It's discouraging and hard to do when your hundreds of miles away.

Just having a rough day today. Feeling pretty pessimistic and stressed.

I know a lot of women who don't have advanced degrees who are managers of Walmarts, making 6 figure salaries. WM has been fast tracking smart, qualified females up the management ranks for a few years now. If I were in your position, I would be pursuing a career as a manager at Walmart. I don't work for Walmart but they are my account at work and I know many people there. Most people sneer at Walmart jobs, but the women I know who are pulling down high salaries and good benefits are not sneering!