Please go back to your SAA thread so we can help you with Plan A.

Who else was this exposed to?

so far that's it.

This is a terrible idea. MC don't have any idea how to recover from an affair, forget that this is an active affair situation. You will be spinning your wheels and most likely, the MC will support your WW's fogbabble and support ideas about "space" and doing what makes her happy, etc.

Thanks. Going back to the original question regarding 180. Should I be giving any affection of any type to my wife. My thinking is:

1. Giving here nothing may drive her away from me. This however allows me to distance my emotions from her and make this easier on me.
2. Giving her affection may give her the impression that I approve of what she's doing.

This is why the A is still going on. By refusing to do a FULL and COMPLETE exposure, you have enabled the affair. Affairs THRIVE on secrecy.

I have no idea what 180 is but unless it tells you to KILL the affair, there is NO HOPE.

Click on "notify" and tell the moderators to merge your threads and go back to SAA.

I can tell you many posters come here from other programs, websites, traditional marriage counselors having made ZERO PROGRESS in their M because they haven't killed the affair.

This is not 'separated' - this is married and sleeping in separate beds and avoiding each other so she can carry on her affair. She wants to justify her actions by being able to say that she is 'separated'. If she were truly 'separated' you would have a separation agreement and she would not be living in the marital home. It's a wayward's idea in order to add legitimacy to the affair. Don't roll over for this. And she needs to remember: you're MARRIED until you're NOT. So, really, being 'separated' means little to anyone but a foggy wayward.

Forget the '180' thing. That doesn't hold up to Marriage Builders concepts. Don't make the mistake of bringing in an inferior plan to try to help you kill this affair. BTW - you've exposed this to everyone, right?

See my last post. There IS no such thing as an 'in-house separation'. I'm assuming she can't afford to move out. So...why isn't she moving in with OM?

If she wants to leave you, she needs to LEAVE you. She has no right to cake-eat, but she'll continue to do so as long as you allow it. She is currently enjoying the best of all worlds: no bills, she gets to be with the kids as normal, and she has two men meeting all of her needs. That's pretty attractive to a wayward. She'll remain foggy as long as you allow it.

What are the financial reasons for putting up with this charade?

Drop the marriage counseling. It won't help you right now. Most marriage counselors are good about guiding their clients gently through the rigors of divorce, and helping them 'find themselves' along the way. This should not be your goal.

Why is divorce not an option? I'm not saying it 'should' be an option. I'm curious to hear your thoughts.

Did YOU expose the affair to her? Who 'made her aware' of the affair? I'm sorry - I think you've got another thread going and I may not have read it.

Horse puckey. You have every right to be angry that your WW is crawling in the sheets with another man! If she was that worried about your anger, she wouldn't be sleeping in the spare bedroom. She would be out of there and staying somewhere else, so she's safe from your 'anger'.

Here's the true story. She can't afford to continue her affair without your financial assistance.

Do you see where I'm going with my posts, Sad? She is using you as a vehicle to continue her adultery, and YOU ARE ALLOWING IT. That makes you an ENABLER of her affair. Is that really your goal?

Sad, I would suggest that you ask the mods to merge your threads and stay in the Surviving an Affair forum. You're not divorcing. And you need to keep your sitch on one thread - it makes it easier for the posters to help you.

Sad, you don't know that POSOM's wife knows anything about this! You're taking the word of a known liar (your WW)! It is in her best interest to sucker you into believing this. And now you're living in separate bedrooms under one roof (because she can't afford her affair without your assistance )so she can pinkie-swear to OM that the two of you aren't having sex. Waywards are loyal to their OP - they want them to know that they aren't having sex with their spouse (which is one of the craziest things I've ever heard, but there you go.)

Here's what actually happened: Either someone with a lick of morals let OM's poor wife know that he was having an affair. If it was done anonymously, OM spun the story ("Oh, that was probably Steve - he is such a practical joker, and I heard there was a funny joke he was going to play on me! Ha Ha! I'm going to kick his butt for this one!") or "That [censored] Steve - he wanted my job and I beat him out for it. I just KNEW he was going to try to make my life miserable!" Or: there was NEVER an exposure to OM's wife.

Sad, YOU are going to have to expose this. YOU are going to have to take over driving this bus. YOU need to expose this affair to his poor wife. It is your best bet for ending the affair.

Threads merged. Please stick to one thread. Thank you!

Sir have you read ANYTHING that has been posted to you since July?
The 180 plan does not work in the long term.
IF you want to save your marriage you had best start paying attention. The clock is ticking.

You need to STOP enabling her affair!