One of your wife's Emotional need might be Admiration

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3350_ad.html

"Admiration is one of the easiest needs to meet. Just a word of appreciation, and presto, you've made someone's day. On the other hand, it's also easy to be critical. A trivial word of rebuke can set some people on their heels, ruining their day and withdrawing love units at an alarming rate" Dr. Harley

It may be that your wife was not feeling she was receiving the admiration she desired from you, and found she received more attention from you when she was critical of you. So offering admiration, in offering unconditional listening, gives her admiration. "I am proud that you are my wife, and the mother of my children."

My wife some days is not interested in sharing her thoughts, and some days goes on for 45 minutes.

Being ready with compliments while listening to your wife may encourage her to vent her ideas and feelings, without being interrupted by your ideas of problems solving. Have you learned her best relaxing acupressure points?

Here are some ideas for compliments, for the right time: Sophisticated, Elegant, Classic, Classy, Upstanding, Professional, Business-like.

Food can be delicious, tastes good, nutritious, balanced, good shopping, cooked just right





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Where or how do I learn her relaxing pressure points?

This is getting off track.

Ah, can you answer the questions about snooping? That is where your attention should be right now...

Agree! Ah, please answer my earlier question regarding the specifics of your most recent snooping.

While meeting your wife's ENs is a critical part of Marriage Builders, FIRST we must rule out an active affair -- trying to fulfill the needs of an active wayward is akin to trying to fill a water bucket that has a gaping hole in it. Understand?

Mrs. W

Ah75, if your wife is having an affair she will not allow you to meet her needs anyway so I view this exercise as a needless distraction. Please stick to the mission here and continue snooping.

I am actively snooping and it's driving me crazy!

What are your methods?

Trying to be discrete about it.

You should be discrete with HER, not us.

Ah,

Is there a reason you can't answer?

In my experience when posters avoid answering certain questions, it is usually because they don't want to be pushed to do something more than they are doing. I hope that's not the case here. This step is THAT important.

Have you noticed the years of experience and the number of posts Mrs W and MelodyLane have? You are very lucky they are helping you and I would hate to see either abandon your thread!

My sister came here in 2009 -- posters helped her snoop and hers was a special case (long story) Within one week she had the goods, but she had a lot of help in this step...

Ok all yes she is in another affair!!!!! Found out through text records and confronted her. Yes yet another friend of mine who I have been talking to about the last affair

So I exposed the affair fast and furios. Told his wife and family. Told her family and mine. Now the kids are next. I feel like I'm done with her for good!!

Thanks

Yes another affair

I'm crying for help! So pissed off I can't stand it!!!!

Your emotions will probably be very up and down on that subject.

For now, concentrate on exposing this affair fully. You want it to be done all at once, like a sudden tsunami of truth. Later, even if you don't want to stay with her, you will be glad the truth is out, and it will be the best thing for your children (if any - haven't fully read your thread). We want you to have the best possible recovery whether you decide that is with or without your wife.

Read through the Exposure 101 thread and make sure you get the affair exposed everywhere suggested:
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2566583#Post2566583

Wife said "the affair is not over, we are over"

So, she's leaving tonight? She's packing her bags?