Have you exposed to everyone or did you just decide it wasn't going to do any good and give up?

A famous talk-radio therapist says, "Choose wisely and treat nicely". I still look back 11-12 years ago and think I chose wisely, but the woman in the house is not that same woman I married. And a 4-year cloud of lies seems to me irreparable.

The other cheating spouse has been exposed and completely shunned from his family, yet my WW is his place of comfort, and I suspect she feels the same. They are now digging into each others arms.

I'm ready to say good riddance to her childish actions and behavior, and I don't want to see her face. But I don't really have a choice. I will never leave my children, and they are in the home, and that's where I'll be. So I'll suck it up (like I'm sure so many others have done) and ride it out until the divorce is final and the school year is done.

I have reached the point where I can say, "I've tried everything I can, and if we end up divorced, I won't have any regrets."
The only thing positive (is it really??) is that she's still in the house. And if I do the plan A, maybe there is something that will get deposited. But I'm not holding my breath. She is a lost soul.

Their affair will collapse. All the shame from family will have an impact. To protect yourself, file first. Get the best attorney you can. Put her on the hot seat!!

Please expose to homeschooling families. They need to know but it will deal a pretty big blow to the affair. They are in shock and running for shelter now but as the reality sets in, you're going to see this thing shift quickly.

And it's not marriage at all costs. Sometimes divorce is the best outcome. With kids though, every effort should be made to keep the family intact if possible.

Get the toughest attorney possible and ask for everything. Full custody, marital home, etc. You won't get it but you'll scare the daylights out of her and throw more cold water on her fantasy future.

FightTheFight: I have exposed to everyone that matters. And it hasn't done any good. She just dug in and got madder. Everyone we know that was involved with our wedding and our life in any close way knows. None of those people approve. And WW is fine with that.

If you haven't done a full exposure then no, you haven't tried everything you can.

Did you expose to the homeschool parents?

She is seemingly fine with it now but as time goes on, the exposure will continue to work its healing power. She will find that it gets worse as she goes along with everyone she's ever known turned away from her.

She'll be dealing with the kids' disappointment and her skank-man's emotional upheaval as well. This is just the beginning.

You need to give this some time to set in. She's about to get very, very depressed. Especially when she sees the hard-a$$ divorce petition.

EVERY wayward gets angry at exposure. This is not new. It's expected. Your marriage can survive her anger over this.

This is exactly right. If she is mad, then you are making progress because it is making this A a real problem for her. Don't expect results right away. This is a process and is not going to be solved in just a few days.


???

AR2kids,

For the sake of your kids, have you exposed to the OMs workplace, church, profession peers, family etc. Hit OM in the wallet.

God Bless
Gamma

Yes - all the OM has been exposed. EVERYTHING. He has nothing left except for those people that are sympathetic to him or those people who have cheated just like him and all they say is "Sorry, dude". His children and parents and in-laws and neighbors have stopped all contact with him. He's staying in a nice guest-house that a stupid, sympathetic,(and female, of course) co-worker has let him use. And WW has been over there several times.

The homeschool parents is a different issue. As I have repeatedly said, MOST of them know. The ones that MATTER do know. To tell EVERYONE is not my call. But think about 1998 when Bill Clinton got exposed with Monica Lewinski. Over half the nation said, "But the economy is good - we don't care what he does personally". They didn't care about his character. And most parents only care that WW can teach effectively. They are not friends of mine or WW.

The homeschool parents do not know me, because the school is run my my wife and our neighbor. I am always at work. Some of the parents and some of the teachers (the ones that matter) know, and WW knows that they know. She's talked to them and tells them the same thing: "I'm going to stay committed to the school until May and by then we'll be divorced."

The neighbor/school partner is looking for a way out - and it is her call - because she thinks what WW is doing is disgusting. And she was betrayed when she entered into agreement, thinking that WW was above board and not keeping dirty secrets. But that way out will only come in time. So stop it - it ain't gonna help. It amounts to idle gossip at this point.

The fact is that some or most people will only be concerned if this affects her ability to teach. Those will not condemn her or take their kids out of the program because they are happy with what the program is doing for them.

The affair may fizzle out - probably will, but that is out of my control. The people that don't know right now are acquaintances - at best - of WW. All of her close friends and inner circle know. So PLEASE.. stop with the demands to tell more people. Why should I tell everyone in our church?? She doesn't go anyway!! All the people that she knows and talks with for more than 5 minutes a week ALREADY KNOW.

You don't seem to get it - she is stubborn and has only hunkered down. The LAST people to find out are my 7 and 9 year olds. And they are doing the typical thing - putting it out of their minds.

I asked my 7-yr old boy, "Do you have any questions for me or mommy?" He said, "I only asked Mommy one thing: 'Will you ever sleep in same bed as Daddy again?', and Mommy said, 'Never, ever, ever, will I sleep in the same bed as Daddy.'"

People - this is a FOUR-YEAR affair, and she says she loves him and wants out of the marriage from me!

What about my question about FOUR YEAR affairs?? Who is going to give me any good odds on THAT??

You're not understanding the full purpose of exposure.
It doesn't matter if they care.
What matters is they know
Affairs thrive on secrecy.
The more that know, the quicker the affair dies. Even if those who know don't care.
This is the quickest way to KILL HER AFFAIR.

So? We've seen it before. It happens all the time. This is NOT a unique situation. Marriages have recovered from FAR WORSE.

That doesn't make any sense - to decide who to NOT tell is not your call.

By that logic, I should post it in the newspaper, hang a banner on my house with a large, scarlet A, post it on my facebook for all my friends (even though she has taken down her facebook page) and hang a banner over my church and our old church. That would get MAXIMUM exposure.

How about if I just *tell* her that I've told everyone and that everyone now knows. She's not going to approach them to verify. that does just the same. I'll consider that.

Yes - I understand the full purpose of exposure. the neighbor is reading this discussion and will make up her mind.


I appreciate your care and concern and comments. They are most helpful for me to consider with all the other opinions. Please understand I am not discounting what you say. I am saying that I'm done with the exposure, and leaving it in God's hands. If there is something else that you can offer - please offer it.

Why in the world would that justify a scarlet A? The point here is to expose, not shame.

People who are letting their children into your wife's presence deserve to know so that they can decide whether she's a good influence on their children or not. (That's kind of the whole point of homeschooling, at least for a lot of homeschoolers.)

Do you have the book Surviving an Affair?

If your kids were at school with a crack addict what would you be willing to do to expose the danger to your children? How about other's children?

Your wife is a danger to children right now. Do you want to do whats right? or whats easy?

TWELVE years here. Three times as long as your wife's A.

Not recovered yet, but willing to do the recovery work and we are both working harder than ever before in our lives. Ups and downs for sure, but who amongst us can absolutely know our future with certainty?

You are certainly within your rights to call it quits, but there really are many recovered long term A posters on here.

Lots of them, in Dr. Harley's experience. Many marriages he's known have had serial infidelity and recovered. The choice is yours.

You still need to try to fight this affair - your children will still have to deal with OM afterward, if you don't. And, statistically speaking, he's a lot more likely to be some sort of predator than someone who respects others.