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Just tell him if he wants to stay there he needs to meet certain conditions. They are:
List them out starting with the no contact letter, etc, etc, etc. Just tell him that is the only way this will work. If he won't do those things, he needs to move out because his failure to do these things will lead to divorce.
If he doesn't do this, I would start packing his clothes.. You need to get very serious, my friend.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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yes, i have exposed this to his family and friends. my family and friends were already aware and helped me get resources to get PI. I have exposed affair to skanks family and friends. Are any of these people calling him and skanky to try to persuade them to end the affair? How EXACTLY did you expose to all these people? What did you say?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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he says I am just trying to control him by making him send skank an NC letter. Say "heck no!! I would never try to control you! You can take or leave my conditions. If you reject them that is fine too. But we can't stay together if you don't; you will need to find another place to live."
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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yes, i have exposed this to his family and friends. my family and friends were already aware and helped me get resources to get PI. I have exposed affair to skanks family and friends. i know i need to be stronger about demanding he end this. he just keeps saying that he did, however in the next breath he is saying he isn't sure if skank would take him back if we don't work out. i tell him we can't work out while she is still in picture. he says I am just trying to control him by making him send skank an NC letter. he follows me around brow beating me asking "what is there to come back to when you behave like this (exposure)" I recognize it is textbook Is OW married?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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my method of exposure:
WH parents: face to face
WH brother & SIL: phone
all other family and friends: email
to WH family, i told them that we have been having trouble and i have been confused why we had been unable to work things out and why were heading to divorce, then i discovered the affair btw WH and skank (name) please use whatever influence they have and encourage WH to leave skank
to skanks family and friends: that they were having an adulterous affair and their hurtful, thoughtless, cruel acts of self indulgence were devastating me and my children please encourage skank to stay away from my husband to we can work to repair the damage done by her
OW/skank not married
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He says NC is too controlling of me. If I am not willing to do this his way the marriage is over. Guess on to plan b. Except he refuses to move out of house. How to handle this
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Now I am nervous that sticking by this NC letter is driving him away. I know I'm not asing much but his fog is preventing him from seeing this. I am very calm and reassuring when I ask. But he gets ramped up and says I just have to win and be right. That this affair makes me look like the good person. Geez he has lost his mind and I am losing mine.
Do I just keep being patient for a couple of weeks and then revisit the NC letter?
Last edited by Mediamom; 09/21/13 06:43 AM.
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Do not waiver on the no contact letter. His refusal to do it means 1) he is putting the skank's feeling above yours and 2) he wants to continue the affair!
I would prepare for plan B while you are waiting for the MC letter and give yourself a deadline. You can plan A in the meantime. Have you read the thread "how to plan B properly"?
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honestly i do not know how to do plan B, as he will not move out. i was unable to d
find the plan B thread you mentioned.
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Here you go How to plan B When I had to go to plan B, I put my fWH's clothes etc in bags in the garage where could get to them and changed the locks on the house. I did have issues keeping him out as the older kids would let him in when I wasn't home so I had to find a house to rent with the 3 kids. You do what you have to
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It is recommended to speak to an attorney to find out how to protect yourself and assets that you have. WH's are notorious for draining bank accounts when they are found out. You should open a new account ASAP and move half of the money into your account. Otherwise he will leave you with no money to pay the bills. My fWH did that to me.
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He says NC is too controlling of me. If I am not willing to do this his way the marriage is over. Guess on to plan b. Except he refuses to move out of house. How to handle this Pack his bags and ask him to leave. Tell him his presence is too painful to you and ask him to leave. If he won't leave, then contact an attorney and get him moved out. Did you tell your other child?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am so exhausted. I am trying to be patient but it is waring thin. fWH mantra is the marriage was over so that he can seem less guilty. It is so amazing how textbook he is and yet it still takes me back. I read that I should give this stage 3 weeks. It is only day 2.
I will try to get him out but am very nervous if I can handle this well.
I did not tell DD yet. She had a race this morning. I am picking her up soon and will have a chance to tell her then. Wish me luck and prayers I am most worried about her.
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Mediamom, let me ask you this..have you been a good wife to him? Have you been meeting his ENs and avoiding lovebusters? If the answer is yes, then honey you have already done plan A. If not and you think you can plan A for anorher week, then do it while you plan for plan B. But don't take too long. Women who plan A too ling start to suffer stress related health issues.
Prayers and good luck talking to your DD.
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I am so exhausted. I am trying to be patient but it is waring thin. fWH mantra is the marriage was over so that he can seem less guilty. It is so amazing how textbook he is and yet it still takes me back. I read that I should give this stage 3 weeks. It is only day 2. MM, we don't care what he says. You are allowing yourself to be distracted by his fogbabble. If he were a falling down drunk would you be paying any attention to his babble? Well, he is the SAME as a falling down drunk and here you are posting his drunk ramblings on the forum. We are concerned with your PLAN. His fogbabble is meaningless and there is no reason to post it. Are you reading our posts? Are you following our advice? Or are you distracting yourself with meaningless fogbabble? Tell him if the "marriage is over" to please pack and move out. Help him pack his clothes. I will try to get him out but am very nervous if I can handle this well. Stop worrying and go pack his things. Agree with him that the "marriage is over" as long as his affair is active. Ask him to move out. I did not tell DD yet. She had a race this morning. I am picking her up soon and will have a chance to tell her then. Wish me luck and prayers I am most worried about her. will do!!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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fWH mantra is the marriage was over so that he can seem less guilty. Here is a translation: click here
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Told DD this morning. I told him this morning that in order for us to move forward I needed the NC letter. He said "of course, you need, you need, you need, what about my needs". He said he would not write a letter so I said then we are over and you need to move out. He said it was his house and he was not moving out. So i went upstairs and packed all of his clothes in bags and brought them down stairs. He still refuses to move out. I told him it was too painful for me and the kids to have a father living in the house while sleeping with a skank. I told him he could not expect that he and I could behave civilly to each other with him living in the house and sleeping with a skank. He said he could easily live here and civil. I will talk to my lawyer tomorrow and see what legally I can do about getting him thrown out. He hasn't threatened me or the kids, but it sucks having him here. I am trying to institute plan B but it is really hard with him here. I am just not acknowledging his presence. This is not going to be pretty and unfair to the kids.
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Is there a friend or family member that you and the kids can stay with? Are you able to find an apartment or house nearby that you can rent?
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