Amen!

I haven't read everything, but have you and your H considered the online course? You get access to "the man himself" that way. I wish I had known about that years ago though I don't know if it existed back then. I am kinda jealous when I see all those private forums

mozilla, do you live near the OP in your case?

Yes, we have an approach here that is surprising to many people who are familiar with other marriage sites and marriage material. Dr. Harley has been successful helping couples recover for decades, and he doesn't do it by making the unfaithful spouse PAY (i.e., suffer punishment). Instead he does it by making them build the marriage they should have had all along. Not only does this provide compensation for the betrayed spouse, but it is the best thing for the wayward spouse as well.

Dr. Harley's approach does not teach people to stay married while being unhappy, out of some sense of obligation or out of some regret for past sins. Instead, the Marriage Builders program teaches how to achieve marital happiness - creating and sustaining the feeling of romantic love. He's decidedly out of the mainstream on that, but it doesn't matter because it works.

Romantic love: is it a realistic goal for marriage therapy?

I'm glad you were surprised by what you found on the site. Many of us have given hundreds or thousands of hours of our time learning Dr. Harley's program through books, the website, and the radio show, and trying to help others achieve these goals in their marriage. These people have helped me and I am privileged to have had the chance to turn around and try to be a little bit of help to others.

Feeling a little hopeless and defeated right now. Came home and in our he on top of the letter I wrote BH this morning was a card for a divorce attorney. He is not here, not responding to my text either.

I hate to t/j, but in my case I was spared the phsical part of an affair because for H it was all cyber and a few phone calls. As far as what we were told the people/person lived several states away. We have moved several times since then and had quite a few ISP's since then.

I really do like the idea of moving when the OP is local. I was glad to get out of the house because even the room where the computer had been bothered me.

And yes, markos, I was very lucky in that when we got married someone gave us the old HNHN for a wedding present, and then I bought SAA when I found out about my H's betrayal. It is great stuff.

15Y,

Was this exposed enough at the school system to get OM fired and drive HIM away? There just doesn't seem to be enough consequences OM suffered. BH perspective.

God Bless
Gamma

He is no longer at the school and can no longer coach sports anymore.

Happy Birthday 15years. I hope that something happy is a part of your day today.

15: Throughout your entire thread, you've been pointing out your BH's faults while getting defensive about the mess on your side of the street. (This has been called to your attention repeatedly, beginning on p.3.) You are now at the point where you've withdrawn so many love units from your husband's account that he has figuratively left the room, yet you are still standing in there, listing his faults. Why?

I understand it is your birthday, and I don't imagine you feel like celebrating given your current situation. If you want different results, maybe you should consider taking a different approach. Perhaps you could decide to focus 100% of your attention on cleaning up your side of the street. Perhaps your BH will notice. Perhaps today is the perfect day to start.

I was completely unaware that NC had been broken already earlier in your R.

I wish this had been in your signature line or brought up at the time of the 2nd NC break this past spring, because I believe posters would have strongly advised you a move was necessary back then.

This is something Dr Harley talks about frequently, even in the absence of broken NC. He just discussed moving at a couple of different points in just yesterday's radio show relating to triggers.

Even though I am 99% sure Dr Harley is going to advise you to move, I would be sure to let him know about all the NC breaks, not just the recent ones.

Actually there were pages of posts advising 15 to move last spring.

Right.

But I was referring to the fact that it wasn't discussed this past spring after NC break #2. I think ML did ask how far OM lived from 15 but it wasn't answered.

After NC break #2 there should have been a move without question, but this friend of DD's seems to be more precious than that. What is IMing and emailing and so forth for?

The friendship could be upheld at a distance without risk of breaking NC, but...

Oops. I get it now.

Can't edit,s o...

Heck, even before NC BREAK 1, there SHOULD HAVE BEEN A MOVE.

When will this happen? NC break after NC break is not going to help your husband who is likely only agreeing to put up with this so you don't get mad at him about some other fault. He has things to work on too but when you could break NC at any time, he is constantly triggered. Whether he tells you or not.

Radio Clip of fifteenyears's call
Segment #2
Segment #3

Other than the above time were you ever on the show again?

Her email was read on Friday's show and guess what Dr Harley told her to do?? MOVE!!

I think this is such excellent advice. It would solve virtually all of the NC and trigger related problems, and the distance between DD and the friend would likely allow the friendship to die a natural death (considering the girls' ages).

The big question will be, is your BH willing? You can have the most sincere and determined intentions in the world....but at some point in this situation your BH is going to HAVE to AGREE to make this possible. What I have heard from you is that you are very willing to end the girls' friendship, very willing to move....it is your BH who is resistant to those ideas. I get that he doesn;t want his life to have to change any more than it has to because of a choice YOU made in the past. But this is the hand you two are dealt now. So instead of dealing with the reality we/you/he wishes to have, the reality that IS has to be dealt with.

I hope that you can reach an enthusiatic agreement about moving very soon.

No, she does not need his agreement to move. She should move and hope he follows. That is her only hope.