|
|
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,786
Member
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 3,786 |
Yes, the fall brings great outdoor festivals to our area. I was thinking of the garlic festival as we have never been and would love for us to go! I'm also hoping that kiss has off for the Warwick apple fest, as well, which is a favorite of mine. My luck, he'll be working.  I have been working hard on the positive aspects of moving and kiss seems to be on board. I just don't know how to get it moving any faster. It's frustrating. RQ ... you saw what I did. Tough~
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
No, I would be leaving a 19 year job with the state. I'm sure I could find something though. But we were planning on me not working to have our UA time.
I wish we could just go and have him catch up eventually but then that leaves him here, close to skank and unsupervised. Yes it does, but I would make this the last ditch effort. And I've heard Dr. Harley suggest it a time or two on the radio. You move and he may decide to follow and recover your marriage. Or he may decide to not recover the marriage and do something horrible, in which case you'll need to protect yourself with Plan B. It may mean the end of your marriage, but your marriage sure isn't going to recover in this state! Markos, you nailed it on the head!! Dr Harley told her to move.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 746
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 746 |
If you want resume help, ask the mods for my email.
If you want a referral to my company there are some claims call center jobs in Winston Salem, NC and lots of Cleveland, OH jobs. I'll be happy to help you in either location.
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Viscountess, your a doll! Thanks for the offer 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433 |
Prisca- I would love to be somewhere warm so the kids and I could spend lots of times outdoors. South somewhere. Carolina's, Virginia, Georgia, etc.
Viscountess- I'm sure I could find something, but I look at the job openings down there and feel so inept. It's discouraging and hard to do when your hundreds of miles away.
Just having a rough day today. Feeling pretty pessimistic and stressed. My family moved to western North Carolina. The combination of high altitude and low latitude gives cooler summers and warmer winters. It's a great place if you like to do stuff outdoors. There are more jobs available down here then there were a few years ago. Still, the job search will be challenging, but far from hopeless.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
RQ, for really serious job seeking, I recommend Nick Corcodilos of Ask the Headhunter. It's a book, newsletter, and website. It changed the way I do job hunting, although I haven't changed jobs in awhile. (Layoffs at work this week, though, so maybe I will be soon!) Don't be turned off by the name - the advice does not boil down to "get a headhunter," and Corcodilos would say that's bad advice anyway.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,093 |
Prisca- I would love to be somewhere warm so the kids and I could spend lots of times outdoors. South somewhere. Carolina's, Virginia, Georgia, etc.
Viscountess- I'm sure I could find something, but I look at the job openings down there and feel so inept. It's discouraging and hard to do when your hundreds of miles away.
Just having a rough day today. Feeling pretty pessimistic and stressed. My family moved to western North Carolina. The combination of high altitude and low latitude gives cooler summers and warmer winters. It's a great place if you like to do stuff outdoors. There are more jobs available down here then there were a few years ago. Still, the job search will be challenging, but far from hopeless. I'll second this. We lived in western NC for about 10 years. Great place. Now we live in the Piedmont. That's a great location as well. Easy access to the mountains and the beach!
Me (42)
Her (43) - feuillecouleur
DS(11)
DD(7)
Married: June 24, 2000
Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 746
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 746 |
Prisca- I would love to be somewhere warm so the kids and I could spend lots of times outdoors. South somewhere. Carolina's, Virginia, Georgia, etc.
Viscountess- I'm sure I could find something, but I look at the job openings down there and feel so inept. It's discouraging and hard to do when your hundreds of miles away.
Just having a rough day today. Feeling pretty pessimistic and stressed. My family moved to western North Carolina. The combination of high altitude and low latitude gives cooler summers and warmer winters. It's a great place if you like to do stuff outdoors. There are more jobs available down here then there were a few years ago. Still, the job search will be challenging, but far from hopeless. I'll second this. We lived in western NC for about 10 years. Great place. Now we live in the Piedmont. That's a great location as well. Easy access to the mountains and the beach! I'm from the piedmont (Cherryville to be exact) and lived in Winston Salem and Pilot Mountain. It'll be wonderful to be home next year. Ohio is great, but it's not NC. The job market is depressed in NC more than other parts of the country.
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433 |
Prisca- I would love to be somewhere warm so the kids and I could spend lots of times outdoors. South somewhere. Carolina's, Virginia, Georgia, etc.
Viscountess- I'm sure I could find something, but I look at the job openings down there and feel so inept. It's discouraging and hard to do when your hundreds of miles away.
Just having a rough day today. Feeling pretty pessimistic and stressed. My family moved to western North Carolina. The combination of high altitude and low latitude gives cooler summers and warmer winters. It's a great place if you like to do stuff outdoors. There are more jobs available down here then there were a few years ago. Still, the job search will be challenging, but far from hopeless. I'll second this. We lived in western NC for about 10 years. Great place. Now we live in the Piedmont. That's a great location as well. Easy access to the mountains and the beach! I'm from the piedmont (Cherryville to be exact) and lived in Winston Salem and Pilot Mountain. It'll be wonderful to be home next year. Ohio is great, but it's not NC. The job market is depressed in NC more than other parts of the country. I retired when I moved here, and I brought my annuity with me, so I'm doing what I can for the local economy. Actually, there are quite a large number of "help wanting" signs around in the last few months.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 746
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 746 |
I retired when I moved here, and I brought my annuity with me, so I'm doing what I can for the local economy. Actually, there are quite a large number of "help wanting" signs around in the last few months. The area I'm from was some of the hardest hit with the closure of the textile mills. I'm hoping things pick up before we move home next year so DH can find a good job and I can be a SAHW.
Me: 30
Him: 39
Together 5 years
Married the very best man in the world 04/06/2013 after being common law for too long. I'm a lucky woman.
7 Cats - Viscount Ashley of Leftfield, Pawkie Petunia, The Timinator, Leo the Lionheart, Fruit Snack, Cloud, and Barret
And our very lucky pony, Starbucks
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
So, I touched base with my best friend who lives in Raleigh, NC. She said that she would be able to help me get a job with the county there. We would also be 8 hrs from my family and 8 hours from his (and DD18 if she does go to school in FL).
But! It just doesn't seem right to do this without Kiss' ...input, agreement, what-have-you. What if he doesn't want to live in NC? Should I be looking for a job in the Orlando area where we agreed upon, even though he hasn't been able to find a job there?
Isn't this the ultimate in IB?
ETA: Viscountess, this doesn't mean I won't need your assistance at some point. Just putting feelers out. lol
Last edited by Rocketqueen; 09/19/13 01:33 PM.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 4,653 |
Isn't this the ultimate in IB? To me, yes, it is. Where that can be avoided or negated is saying "Hey, I want to get out of here and away from all of this "stuff" that keeps hanging over our heads. I want to start over and think that you do, too. I've got this, this and this lined up in the sunny South. What do you say we hit the road?" There's no reason that this could not be an exceptional opportunity for POJA, and it may just be the nudge that he needs to get moving.
Me (BH)
FWW
Married 2000, DS 8, DD 6, DD 2
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Northwood, I've said that. Numerous times. And kiss will say that I'll look into this position....and then doesn't. I've said, well here is a position in NC or Vs, etc and he says he's not crazy about the other areas.
I will talk with him about tonight. See if he has changed his mind about the other areas.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2010
Posts: 15,818 Likes: 7 |
Isn't this the ultimate in IB? To me, yes, it is. No, it's actually the ultimate in POJA. It's the ultimate "do nothing" part of the Policy of Joint Agreement. It says "If you are not willing to make a marriage with me on terms that I am enthusiastic about, then we simply can't do anything together at all. I will wait for you to join me in a marriage we are both enthusiastic about." Dr. Harley has said this before about any separation. Where that can be avoided or negated is saying "Hey, I want to get out of here and away from all of this "stuff" that keeps hanging over our heads. I want to start over and think that you do, too. I've got this, this and this lined up in the sunny South. What do you say we hit the road?"
There's no reason that this could not be an exceptional opportunity for POJA, and it may just be the nudge that he needs to get moving. Yes, she should ask him for his input about it, and then she should follow Dr. Harley's advice and go on and move without him if he doesn't join her. Start building a new life, RQ. Hopefully he will choose to join - but you will be fine either way.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 299
Administrator Member
|
|
Administrator Member
Joined: Oct 2010
Posts: 299 |
Dr Harley gave this poster specific instructions. If any other posters have problems with Dr. Harley's advice you need to contact Dr. Harley directly rather than debating it on this poster's thread.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,433 |
Yes, she should ask him for his input about it, and then she should follow Dr. Harley's advice and go on and move without him if he doesn't join her. Start building a new life, RQ. Hopefully he will choose to join - but you will be fine either way. This situation kind of reminds me of what happens when a computer needs rebooting. So many errors have already happened that a major restart is needed. Dr. Harley has advised on how this restart should proceed. Maybe everything will work out and Kiss will join in, too. Maybe not. RQ needs to move on, because there is no longer any other sound option.
me-65
wife-61
married for 40 years
DS - 38, autistic, lives at home
DD - 37, married and on her own
DS - 32, still living with us
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
No, it's actually the ultimate in POJA. It's the ultimate "do nothing" part of the Policy of Joint Agreement. It says "If you are not willing to make a marriage with me on terms that I am enthusiastic about, then we simply can't do anything together at all. I will wait for you to join me in a marriage we are both enthusiastic about."
Dr. Harley has said this before about any separation. That is where I was confused. Is the "do nothing part" mean I/we stay put until we agree on where we are going? Maybe not. Especially since I don't see Kiss as willing to move as I am. Yes, she should ask him for his input about it, and then she should follow Dr. Harley's advice and go on and move without him if he doesn't join her. Start building a new life, RQ. Hopefully he will choose to join - but you will be fine either way. So, should I look to move to the original area where we agreed to or to wherever I choose? Also, I don't know if I can legally move the kids to another state. I can see Kiss fighting me on that one. Perkaps, then, I should move to FL, our original destination?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
This situation kind of reminds me of what happens when a computer needs rebooting. So many errors have already happened that a major restart is needed. Dr. Harley has advised on how this restart should proceed. Maybe everything will work out and Kiss will join in, too. Maybe not. RQ needs to move on, because there is no longer any other sound option. Precisely! That is a great way of putting it
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,066 |
Weekend of garlic festival- kiss is working
Day of apple fest- kiss is working
Sheep and wool - unknown
Guess it will be just me and the kids....as usual
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,686 |
How long can you go on like this?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
0 members (),
321
guests, and
41
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,621
Posts2,323,487
Members71,942
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
