"On a plus note as RNR posted, he's doing well, happy to be home and finally putting weight back on. We have joined our local gym and are exceeding our UA time, I don't think either of us knew how similar we actually are until we really began to put the effort in."

You are similar and share similar interests. You always have your just realizing it now cause the fog is lifting. You married RNR for a lot of reasons. Glad to hear you both are doing well. God bless

People all experience grief because of affairs. Yet, unlike the kind of grief associated with death and illnesses, overcoming the grief associated with an affair does not involve understanding the grief. Rather, it involves removing the cause of grief by replacing it with a fantastic marriage full of romantic love. Dwelling on the mistakes in your past won't help you. There is nothing there that you need to accept to move on with your recovery. Instead, work on overcoming those mistakes by making the present as good as it can be. The really good news is that you and RNR are well on your way to doing just that. Keep up the good work!

Mrs Cen,

My H and I don't talk about it much anymore (D-Day was almost 3 years ago,) but he has told me he still feels a deep regret over what he did to our marriage, and to me. However, as our marriage continues to deepen, and he shows me over and over again that he deeply cares for and loves me, he is feeling better. And so am I.

You may retain a sense of regret over your actions for years to come but the disgust you feel now will soften and eventually dissipate as your marriage becomes fulfilling and you live out a great marriage with your H.

As a WS who also moved, I know what you're feeling. I had a tremendous amount of guilt to work through. We had been planning to move eventually, but my affair put everything on speed dial. I HAD to start anew somewhere else. Even though the person I had the affair with never contacted me after the affair ended, I kept worrying that he would. Or that I would run into him. It was bad enough that people who didn't know about the affair and thought the two of us were "just friends" kept talking about him (we did not do complete exposure). Not long after moving to our new location, I was walking down the street and suddenly realized how completely safe I felt. What a wonderful feeling!

And mrs.cen, mrandmrs.Eureka and LongWayFromHome are such fantastic MB recovery stories.

THANKS BRAIN!!

May I ask if you moved anywhere near your BS's family? Or did you just move somewhere completely away from everyone familiar?
~ My BS was born and raised in NL, and that's where his ENTIRE family is, I was born an raised in AB, and that's where my entire family is. BS came to AB to work and that's where we met, it's also where my A happened. We always planned on eventually moving to NL, I wanted to be near the ocean etc, we just hadn't planned on going so quickly or so soon. He exposed to both our families - so both sides were/are well aware of what's happened, and since we've been here, they have been nothing but kind to me (his father especially) I struggle now with what I "think" they are all saying behind my back, I have no proff of anything, it's just what's in my own head, but I shy away from being aroun them all in one big group ~ for eg. His nephew turned one last week and his sister had a party - I didn't want to go, but BS wanted me to, so we agreed we would go, but only for an hour (which to me was "doable") not everyone was even there, but I was so uncomfortable, his brother and brother-in-law didn't speak to me at all, his cousin barely acknowledged me ~ perhaps I'm expecting to much? Perhaps I'm over analyzing to much?

We did not move anywhere near anyone, actually. I have to admit that neither one of us is that close to our extended family since both sets of parents have died. We have not told everyone in our extended familes about my affair; just my sister, who was a tremendous help to both of us, and eventually a couple other siblings. My husband's sister and husband visited us recently and the sister knew about the affair and I was a bit uneasy about seeing her but all went well. I guess it helps that my husband and I are so obviously very much in love with each other. People tease us all the time about being "lovebirds". I like it!
I think that our two situations differ in a lot of ways but I definitely can relate to your feelings of guilt and even paranoia. In my case, after my Discover Day, I stayed at the worksite were the bulk of the affair took place. To my knowledge, only one coworker knew of the affair because I told her about it, but I always wondered who else knew and what they were thinking. Yes, it bothered me a lot. That�s yet another reason why the move was so beneficial to me�it was far enough away that no one here knows anyone there and I can just be myself, not a WS forever, which is how I pretty much always felt where we lived before.
You are doing all the right things and should just accept that some of your family members may behave a little awkwardly for awhile. I am sure this will pass quickly. After all, what happened impacted you and your husband the most, not them. Since the two of you are still together, they need to be happy for you, not judgmental.

Yes.
The awkwardness will fade with time. Focus on "the now" and "building a new future." Focus on the kindness they show you, and don't assume they are talking about you behind your back. Remember, it is GOOD that they know.

The awkwardness will fade with time.

I will focus on the "kindness" ~ his cousin actually called to invite our DD8 to her DD's b-day party, and this past weekend DD8 spent Sat evening with her cousins (BS's sister).

On another note - some of the vets may remember BS wanting me to take a poly - which I agreed to, went so far as to book it myself, but due to shortage of funds at he time BS wanted to wait, so here we are now and he's not brought it up again, I looked into finding an examiner here in our new home, found out some info and casually brought it up this morning, BS is of course still in agreement and I believe still would like it done, but the cost is just not in our budget - especially at this time.
I don't know if I should just "leave it alone", save for it, or wait for him to initiate it?? I do NOT want BS to think or feel I am being complacent in our recovery, it was an important JC to him so I want him to know that it's still important to me as well, and that I haven't and I'm not just "forgetting" about it.
Thoughts??

If it is an important JC to him, I would go out of my way to lead the charge on the poly. Suggest ideas of how you can afford it... Can you sell somethiing? Can you take on an odd job? The poly could be a real watershed moment for you both....

Here's your call.
Radio Clip of mrs_cen Call
Segment #2
Segment #3

Thanks again Brain!!!
Much appreciated

You're welcome.

BH and I have been in NL now for three weeks and have had NO luck in finding work, we've gone so far as to apply for things we're over qualified for an still NOTHING. We are down to our last bit of savings.
We have been talking about BS going back to Alberta (but in a camp situation) to work the rigs for the winter, - enough to get us really setteled and enough to put him through school here, so that he wouldn't have to do rig work anymore.
His hitch would be 4 weeks away, two weeks home. We have tentatively got a "plan" on how to keep "connected" to each other while he's away.
BH said he heard a radio program of Dr. Harley's saying it was "ok" until you get out of debt etc and then you get OUT.???

Brain can you find/recall that show at all?

Not sure if it's a good idea for us, bein so fresh in recovery.

I will look. I can't recall off hand. Does he remember a time frame of when the show was on?

He's not sure, it could have been a previously archived show ~ I know it's pretty impossible.

Why not email the Harleys and ask your question on the radio?

That an excellent idea. mrs_cen?