In order for your wife to have a future with you, she probably needs you to take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth.

MediaCheatingHusband, some suggested links for you:

Infidelity: What Every Couple Should Know

Surviving an Affair, revised edition, by Dr. Willard Harley (get the ebook version for $10 and you can start reading instantly on your computer)

Steps to recover from affair/infidelity (about 30 free articles)

Marriage Builders basic concepts

In having an affair, you have acted incredibly shamefully toward your wife and children. Instead of sitting around uselessly pointing fingers and shaming strangers on the internet, start finding out what you need to do to make this situation right.

My husband has hijacked my account. I'm sorry. As you can see he is a gifted wordsmith. I will disable my account and log on again under a different name. Has this ever happened before?

Hmmm, could this be because you have been decietful and not fully invested in your marriage?

Buddy, you havent even started down that road and you will be lucky if she gives you that chance!

How about considering what she has had to live with??

MM- contact the mods at once!

Ditto!

If your affair is such a great thing and you are such a paragon of virtue, then having the details out in the open should be something you welcome.

The problem is not the exposure, it's the affair.

End the affair, go complete no contact with your affair partner and pray to God that you can provide just compensation for the damage and abuse you've wrought upon your family with your despicable behavior.

Fix your marriage, fix your behavior, stop blaming the victims of your insanely hurtful behavior.

How do I contact the moderators? Do I need to disable this account

Click on the bottom of your post where it says "notify" and explain to them that your account was hacked by your pompous [censored] husband

Agreed!

The problem with your rationale is that you, Sir, don't know how to save a marriage. Here you are lecturing people in recovered marriages how to save a marriage when your own marriage is an absolute wreck. You are on the brink of divorce now. You are the fat guy who lectures the skinny people on how to lose weight. So please excuse us if we don't take your "advice" very seriously.

We would strongly advise your wife to separate from you until you agree to meet all of her conditions. Your affair has been the most painful thing your wife has ever endured. It is more painful than rape or assualt. And you have done this horrible thing to your wife.

You can save your marriage, but you will have to agree to justly compensate her and create a marriage where she is protected from your cruel, despicable behavior. Are you willing to do so? Otherwise, we will be telling her to separate so she can protect herself.

As a very successful lawyer, myself, I have to agree that he is not as gifted a wordsmith as he may fancy himself to be. He is spouting the exact same rhetoric, excuses and justifications that we hear from all waywards from the least educated to the most highly educated. Same garbage, different wayward,

Mr MediaMom, instead of harping on what your wife did, have a good look at what you did - for the last 6-7 years. Your wife's exposing your dirty little secret pales in comparison. You should be asking yourself what YOU need to do to regain her trust and love, not visa versa.

yes, he is about as "gifted" as a falling down drunk. His post is full of the kind of irrational, foggy thinking we see all the time from fogged out waywards.

Translation of MrMediaMom's post: here

And MediaMom, just so you know, it is every wayward's DREAM to go to a "professional counselor" and bloviate in order to AVOID taking the necessary steps to affair proof your marriage. Your husband would much rather sit in a counselors office crying about his poor lot in life than take necessary steps such as writing a no contact letter, and making just compensation to you.

Going to "counseling" is a DISTRACTION from the problem, which is why waywards who are not serious about recovery want it. Waywards who are serious don't have time to go to "counseling" becuase they are busy going through the necessary steps to save their marriages!

Nah, not here he isn't, MM. He is absolutely no different than any other WS that has ever come here spewing fogbabble. It doesn't matter one whit if he is a very gifted and talented attorney behind a desk or in a courtroom -- as a WS, he is nothing more than average and run-of-the-mill -- same song, one millionth verse. We've heard it all before.

Mrs. W

That is the key! Every time he starts griping about the fact that you exposed the affair is a minute he can spend NOT talking about what he needs to do: write a letter to the OW ending the affair and begin providing you full transparency and accountability so he can start EARNING your trust again and building a new marriage of fidelity and happiness.

If he doesn't start doing this, the reason is simple. It's not because of anything you did. It's just because HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO IT.

Dr. Harley recommends that a wife not attempt recovery with an unfaithful husband unless he demonstrates repentance and a willingness to fix things. As long as he is sidestepping that issue, trying to recover with him is a dangerous risk and Dr. Harley would recommend you prepare for a separation.

By the way, Dr. Harley is a licensed clinical psychologist and marriage counselor himself. He's written 18-19 books, saved thousands of marriages, worked as a marriage counselor for about four decades, and specialized in recovery from infidelity! On top of that he ran a chain of mental health clinics for years supervising many other counselors dealing with a wide variety of situations. I would take his advice over any run of the mill "counselor," especially since I know of many situations where counselors encouraged couples facing infidelity to compromise BASIC SAFETY. The steps that are needed to recover from an affair are absolutely non-negotiable and deviations from the very narrow path to success are usually disastrous.

Mr. MediaMom ~

Chew on this for a while -- It is NOT wrong to expose an affair, it is wrong to HAVE an affair.

Mrs. W

MelodyLane is exactly right, Mr. MediaMom -- You are only looking for things to take the focus off of YOUR BEHAVIOR. You want a counselor who will attempt to divide the "blame" for you, and talk about your "feelings" about your marriage and why you were "led" to do what you've done because of those. You want the focus to be on finding things you think will mitigate your behavior. Man-up, Sir. No one and nothing pushed you to do what you've done to your wife and children -- That was done by you and your own selfish desires alone.

Mrs. W

Well of course for the marriage to work both you and your wife must receive the kind of care you need to meet your emotional needs. We can teach you how to do that here, and it doesn't require forcing your wife to suffer in silence without the world knowing the trauma she has been through. She FIRST needs the support and help to make sure that you are held accountable and that your affair ends. She FIRST needs support for the trauma you have inflicted on her.

AFTER she's not lying bleeding and wounded on the ground any more, THEN we can help you guys build a new marriage where you both feel loved.


We know all about the forces at work in your relationship and how to fix them. The worst problem is the affair; that needs to be address FIRST. THEN we can help the two of you learn to avoid hurting each other and meet each other's emotional needs. That is just what the book I recommended to you, Surviving an Affair, is all about.

Take a look at this:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/radio_programs.cfm

Click on the "search by date" menu and see how many hundreds (thousands) of hours of recordings of Dr. Harley (WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR SPECIALIZING IN RECOVERY AFTER INFIDELITY) are available.

MelodyLane has listened to all of those.
I have listened to almost all of those.
Many other people posting here have listened to most or all of those.

That doesn't even count the tens of thousands of words of articles Dr. Harley has written on this site and the books he's written. We've all dedicated thousands of hours to learning this subject.

Believe me, sir - we know affairs, and we know marriages, and we know how to help.

Shame on you for fighting and arguing with people who are here dedicating their time to help your wife after what you've done to her.

Would you like to get started fixing this, or shall we continue to waste time crossing swords?

MrCheatingMediaHusband,

I would listen to Mrs. Wondering. Nearly ten years ago she was in exactly your situation - destroying her marriage with an affair.

Thankfully she and her husband followed the Marriage Builders plan that Dr. Harley created, and today they are a very happy successful marriage.

MrsW voluntarily exposes her own past to help people recover from nightmares like what you are putting your wife through.

Voluntarily exposes herself.

Think about that.

Mediamom, please ask your husband to come back here and speak to us. I will be his huckleberry. Instead of spending all his energy trying to manipulate and bully you, his victim, ask him to bring his "gifted" verbal skills to us. We will be happy to discuss it with him.