Jurist,

You are right, in a sense, she can never PROVE anything, unless she is good with computer forensics, and the data has not been overwritten. The OW could also confesses to her BH who then contacts your BW.

So you can just join the legions of people in marriages which never healed from infidelity. Infidelity doesn't end most marriages it just wounds them and they remain broken until death or divorce.

This also reminds me of the saying "that the only person who knows you are wearing a fake rolex watch is YOU".

God Bless
Gamma

There is a verse in the Bible that says, "he who covers his sin will never prosper". You are covering it up because you are too much of a selfish coward to tell the truth.

Your mother would be ashamed.

My mother is dead.

So when are you going to do the right thing?

Please do the right thing. A fresh start can begin today. Even if your wife decides to divorce, you can still recover personally and start living a life you (and your children and your remaining living relatives and friends ) can be proud of.

You are so sure your wife will never find out....does she have access to a computer ?

Because your story is out here for everyone to read and it wouldn't take a genius to figure out it was HER husband she was reading about. And HER life that is being wrecked. All it would take is her doing a little research on how to improve her marriage, etc and up pops "Marriage Builders".

Good luck to you Sir.

There were 2 in your affair. Who says at some point the other is not going to babble to somebody? Gossip likes to travel.

I'm not sure why you guys are wasting your valuable time here. It is obvious that jurist is not going to man up and tell his wife how horrible of a husband he is. He would prefer to live a lie.

Honestly, jurist, it doesn't matter whether or not your wife can live with a deceitful and unrepentant man. But, how can you live with yourself? That's very sad to me.

I think maybe you might feel like people are not seeing your point. I do see your point. If she could NEVER find out, do you let her not know. Maybe.

You need to consider that people here in your wife's position are telling you that you should express the truth and nothing but the truth.

We understand his point perfectly. There is no "maybe" about it. To think this is OK is just like thinking affairs are OK, as long as you don't get caught.

Jurist is seeking a pat on the back for his deception and he isn't getting it. The only point is that a relationship built on lies will fail. Happens all the time and for some reason Jurist believes he is extremely special and can get away with it. Good luck on your immature charade, I feel for your family. I am 100% sure this instance is just the tip of the iceberg.

Then she's ashamed right now.

Paging MelodyLane: did you include this counselor in your head count of recent posts about idiot counselors?

So, your 'counselor' advised you to lie and live a live of deception. And you're good with that because it's convenient for YOU. It would be hard for you to have to be a stand-up guy and admit that you cruelly betrayed your vows to your loving wife. I can see where the counselor's advice would be terribly attractive to you.You probably fell all over yourself, thanking him for his (fatally flawed) thinking, whipped out your checkbook to pay him for this worthless moment of "official license to lie" and high-tailed it out of there.

Let's look at this and see where it might go, shall we?....
So, you go to bed every night with your wife. She hugs you goodnight every night. Sometimes you make love before you go to sleep, and it's always good and comforting. You know you're one lucky son-of-a-gun that she doesn't know anything about your secret life, because she might leave you if she knew. And then you would lose all the comforts of your marriage, you poor thing,you.

Meanwhile, your wife is laboring under the delusion that you have been honest with her. Sure, sometimes she wonders....but she always comes back to the 'truth' you have given her. She's hoping to God you're telling the truth, because she doesn't know what she and the kids would do if you were lying.

That's where you are right now, and I would call that an emotional stalemate. Not the best place to be in a marriage. But there you are. And that's working for you, in a lying, deceptive sort of way...until...

The OW you are crushing on decides to get a conscience. When will that happen? I don't know. No one else does, either. It might happen when she decides to come clean with her OWN husband. Maybe they'll find their way here and realize that your wife needs to know the truth of her reality. It might happen when she becomes angry after realizing that you played her. It might happen when she 'gets religion' or joins AA and needs to make things right with people she has wronged. Your wife will be at the top of her list. Maybe you lied to her and told her that you were single. Or widowed. Or divorced. Your now-repentent OW will find the truth of your marital status by a quick check on intelius.com - or most other search engines.

Maybe she doesn't know your real name, or your last name. Doesn't matter. A little diligent searching will turn you up easily. Believe me, because I know. After my H's affair, I learned search tricks that would blow you away. I know things about my H's OW and their entire extended family that SHE might not even know. Between that and the software I use in my job, I can tell you things about people that would stun them.

She might have the same software. You don't know. You have no control over what she, or her husband if she has one, might do. So, face it, Jurist: you THINK you've got this controlled. You DON'T.

You are attempting to sweep this under the rug and are naively assuming that it will happen because YOU WANT IT TO. So, for the REST OF YOUR LIFE you are looking at the spector of someone else suddenly exposing this to your wife.

You are hoping for the best while you are here, trying to plead your case with people who aren't going to allow you to pull crap over on us. And I think you know that. I almost get the impression that you WANT us to force you to confess to your wife, after we've negated every argument you have. I think you know that, if you can get past the people on Marriage Builders, you're good.

Sorry, Jurist. Your plan is not sustainable. It's not going to play in Peoria, and it's not going to play here. You have an axe swinging back and forth over your head, and will have as long as you are lying. And you're so busy trying to cover your [censored] so you can keep your comfy life that you don't even see it. Pity. More important: your wife has an axe swinging over her head. AND SHE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW IT.

So, right now YOUR way is a hazard for you, your wife, and your marriage. Do you really want to keep debating the merits of hiding your betrayal from your wife, based on the very simple knowledge I have just given you?

Please listen to this.
Radio Clip on Keeping Past Lies a Secret