Does he post here?

Not yet. I'm going to ask him tonight if he's willing.

Hello TakingHisHand, so sorry for what you are going through.

That is what my H and I are doing (he had a quite long term affair)...he goes no place by himself for now, except for to and from work. For work, we each have a GPS on our phones so that whenever I get worried at all, I can look to see exactly where he is.

It sounds like you have been doing some snooping to verify his story, and that is good. You're checking his browser history. Have you checked any cell phone and email accounts to verify?

Dr. Harley says that it is healthy for marriages to be totally transparent. It also sounds darned good to me that your husband searched out and found Marriage Builders all on his own. As awful at it feels to you, I'm happy for you that he did opt to be honest and tell you about his affair. To me that shows that he DOES want to have a passionate lifetime marriage with you.

His cell phone is with him at work. I did check his email and there wasn't anything suspicious. I also checked his browser history to see if he had a secret email account and he doesn't.

It means a lot to me to have such caring responces, thank you.

I exposed via email to every one we know. I feel like I want to throw up.

I know it's messed up but I want to slam his penis into the sliding glass door. I feel strangely calm for a while, then a wave of anger.

MB Quote of the Day:

Get this....I asked her name. Conversation went like this:

Me - What's her name?
H - I don't remeber. She wasn't important.
Me - She was important enough to make love to.
H - I did not make love to her.
Me - Okay, Clinton.
H - We can't talk right now obviously.

I WANT TO SCREAM!!!

One thing that helped me during the horrendous first couple of months, was reading other people's stories of recovery.

You can left click over their screen names on the left side of this screen, and then click view posts, then click to go back to their earliest posts.

It is AMAZING what some couples have been through and yet have come out the other side with marriages in tact and better than they were pre-affair.

THH,

Get a polygraph. He will jump up and down, "it's unscientific", "my friend says they don't work", "they are frowned upon by the cops", calmly tell him you want it anyway.

Also he needs to get full testing for STDs.

Wayward minimize, there's a good chance he met her on line, and this was not just a one time thing, but the fruition of alot of internet activity.

God Bless
Gamma

Just remember, as bad as it may seem, some of us here have gone through even worse, with wayward spouses involved in affairs lasting a year or more. In addition to the extramarital sex, our wayward spouses have lied to us continually through this period, have told us they don't love us, have spent money we earned on the OP, have introduced our children to the OP, and on and on. Somehow some of us have managed to survive and get to the other side. I'm still not there yet myself, but heading in the right direction I hope.

Gamma, you're kind of reading my mind here. I have thought about that. I'm not sure how to find out though. My H will never consent to a polygraph; he's a lawyer and loathes them with ten thousand white hot suns. Then again he may do it for our marriage. I'm not shy about demanding one.

That's a good idea, too. Thank you.

My heart breaks for anyone going through this. I never thought I would. I thought my marriage was oh so solid. What a joke.

Well, all heck is breaking loose. H is getting bombarded with "is it true" emails from friends and family; his parents are especially angry with him. H rang me a few minutes ago and he's livid ....said he was open and honest with me and I was being vindictive. I explained to him that I was fighting for our marriage. Surely since he knows about MB he knew me exposing was a possibility.

THH,

You're take the alternate route to the one normally taken by betrayed spouses, you know the one where the betrayed spouse tells no one and suffers for the rest of their lives. You didn't go along with the reverse victimization.

Imagine all the conversations you are avoiding where people complement you on how perfect your marriage is, your H smiles while you die on the inside.

God Bless
Gamma

THH,

What lawyer hangs out with his "mates" btw, and what kind of mates does he have that condone or encourage this behavior. Is he also a soccer hooligan on weekends lol?

God Bless
Gamma

He plays rugby with them on the weekends, then they all go to the pub after. According to H they didn't play because of rain that Saturday but did go to the pub.

Insofar is them condoning it, I'm not surprised in the least but I foolishly thought my H was above it. Yes I'm an idiot.

Isn't that the truth!

Don't feel like an idiot. No one expects their spouse to have an affair. And those that do have affairs never thought they would have an affair. Dr. Harley says we are all wired to have an affair under the right conditions.

I always say I'll never cheat on my wife. And to ensure this, I make sure I'm never in a situation that would allow the opportunity to occur. Just like I say I'll never fall into the Grand Canyon, well, I don't go stand at the very edge of it and lean forward to temp the situation.

Now is the time to affair proof the marriage for future times.

THH, the problem with his quasi "confession" is that he didn't really tell you the truth. He told you half truths to assuage his conscience, is a more likely scenario. When a WS won't give the name, it usually means he is keeping that option open. I would schedule a polygraph and insist he give you the full truth before the test. You might get more information that way. Either way, you have to know who she is. You can't keep the fox out of the henhouse if you can't identify the fox.

Frankly, I would have got her name and more information before you exposed, but it is too late now.