you.are.a.doormat.

what are you doing?
Get into Plan B immediately.

I would encourage you to contact Dr Harley, but my guess is he would support this advice: that you need to consider changing your focus from marital recovery to a protect your children mission.

This goes beyond a regular affair situation. Your WW is having an affair with a drug user, she is engaging in drug use herself. Recently while at home (with the children? I asked...you did not answer) she ran for an errand to where OM's drug dealer was. She is not safe for your children. And I think your children need you to be clear minded and focused on them rather than what she is up to right now.

Marital recovery chances are hopeless right now anyway, as long as you cannot afford to move away from the OM and she will not implement super duper EPs (and no, she never did do this before) that will make another affair/her serial cheating impossible.

Please tell us you're doing this DOCUMENT DOCUMENT DOCUMENT

oh of course I am. we notated the SAA book and I've got some journal entries. VAR and webcam footage. I'm covered.

Oh SusieQ she was working, I was at home with the kids. We ran to the store and had to drive by POSOM's place on the way home because I missed the turn coming into the neighborhood. She has so far not brought him around the kids since she moved out of his apt.

Is she still at home?

No. She lives with her parents now, but i caught her at OM's house after work last night, then she went home. She wanted to know why i texted her so late at night. Evaded answering when i asked where she was and wanted to know why it mattered bc she's not coming back and we're divorcing. I told her it mattered to her ability to actively participate as a mothee if she was going to his place and gerting stoned. Thoight it would have been obvious to her onTues when i told her i would have to take the kids away if she went back to him. I think she believes i only care about the kids being around him. She doesnt seem to think it matters if she gets high when they aren't around.

She does come to my house to watch the kids while im at work.

Would you allow a babysitter provide childcare for your kids if you knew they were doing Any type of drugs the previous evening?

Just because your wife once gave birth to those children does not mean she is the proper influence to provide that care currently.

I wonder if they sell drug testing kits that show a previous days marijuana usage?

LTL

I wouldn't do that only a matter of time till POSOM is in your house or she is doing drugs around the kids. Get a babysitter, have you emailed Dr. Harley? You are letting her cake eat big time with zero consequences, seems to me you are right where you started.

Can you get a court order in place keeping the POSOM away from your children to protect them? When I was still active in my A, my BH, saw a lawyer immediately, and got into place an order where our daughter was NOT allowed to be be around POSOM, at ANY time, under ANY circumstance.
It was the BEST thing he did.

Talk to your lawyer about having her do hair drug test. They cost under $100 and it will tell if she has done any drugs in the last 90 days. This would need to be done swiftly granting her virtually no time to find a way to beat the test. If she is doing drugs, she should not be watching the children while you are working. You will need to find childcare elsewhere.

Do you still have temp custody of the children or has that expired?

Yes a drug test kit would show usage the previous evening. The trick is getting her to take it. A hair test can't be beaten unless you voluntarily cut your scalp off. But somehow I don't see her doing that. I can't force her to take a piss test and a threat that she can't see the kids otherwise is empty and she knows it. I have no time left at work to take off due to previous legal action related to the divorce proceedings and medical issues. As for child care I'm unable to afford day-care. I work from 9-6pm Tues-Sat. I can cover weekends, but weekdays are the problem. I'm working on it rapidly. I'm trying to leverage my church connections. Until then, unfortunately she's all I've got. Post-divorce I will be in a better financial situation. I've pretty much resolved that she's going to take a hair test and lose custody or end up with supervised visitation and random testing.

Yes she's cake eating. She's getting her family time from me and everything else from her parents or POSOM.

Once child care is lined up I'll have the judge drop the hammer on her. I fully expect her to claim I sexually abused her though, due to her previous guilt-ridden claim. Though I don't know how she'll spin climbing into a shower with me after said incident took place. And the text documentation regarding another time, also after.

Even after the divorce I still intend to try and reconcile and remarry. She really needs to get herself back together first. For a week and a half I had my Wife back. She was herself again. I know she can come back again. I just have to be patient, that was my problem. And has been through our whole marriage. I'm impatient for things to work out I always make some grand gesture hoping it will put everything into place. She on the other hand holds everything bad so close to her heart and lets it affect her negatively. She has such low self-esteem and no balance or peace in her life. I tried to give it all to her at once and she snapped back. Something to work on.

She came to pick up her washer and take it to OM. Talked to her again and let her know how angry I have been. She wanted to know how I knew she was at POSOM's house. I said "I just know, how doesn't matter." She owned up to sex with him again, but so far says she hasn't done the drugs. I reiterated the seriousness of the drug use. I asked her what she was doing with OM, she said she has business with him. I asked what about when that business is concluded. She said "Not much more." So then you don't ever have to see him again. No answer.

Then almost in the next breath I talked about moving away. She said she'd move too.

Then we talked about how she feels when she's around me. Says I act like I own her, I touch her whenever I want, and every time I'm near I'm just trying to have sex with her. Explained that when I touch her (hugs, hold hands, shoulder, cheek) it's to show affection and caring. I'm sure this is because she has no love and I should change how I touch her for the future. I still haven't figured out the ownership part. And the sex well that just doesn't need to happen. She should also not be flirting with me and being provocative if she doesn't want me to be the same.

I was in a similar stitch as you. Yes, there are products (online and from local headshops) available for passing drug tests (hair, nail, and urine). Some work and some do not. That is why I mentioned a limited time frame for taking it (ordered by the court of course). In my case, I have full custody and my WS has lost supervised visitation.

I think its right and even you have a pay a little more on lawyer but you get a better result and suggestion from him.And you can also protect yourself from any legal action by getting a good advise from your lawyer.

Have you asked the state for childcare assistance?

Camron, I'm looking forward to hearing your story. You haven't shared that, but have been giving advice (not 'advise' - just thought I'd mention that.) Share with us, please. We're here to help.

JK I've applied, but never qualified. I make too much on a 3 person household to fit their cookie cutter. At least I'm above the poverty line; barely.

While we're on the topic of child-care; things just got much more difficult. WW got a new job starting Monday. Now I need to find someone to watch my kids Tues-Fri and do school pickups. I'm scrambling. I'm trying to get my daughter qualified for Pre-K, my son enrolled in an afterschool YMCA program, and someone to watch my daughter every day afterschool until she turns 5 and can do the YMCA as well. All the while praying that I'll qualify for the YMCA assistance program. They really are the cheapest option I have found. I'm leveraging my church and every good person I know. WW wants me to ask some of her friends, but seriously after what I know she's done I don't want her friends near my kids. It's bad enough they are around her, at least I can keep an eye on her.

Quiet morning around the boards today. Let's have a rant to liven things up.

WW's latest "I'll be a lot nicer and more friendly to you when we finish this divorce."

C'mon really. Why do you need a divorce to be nice to another human being. Let alone the fact that I bend over backwards for you, have been married to you for almost 8 years, dragged you out of the hell hole you created for yourself, and oh yeah you used to love me and we made kids together. Pull your head outta your ***.

mijuneleigh,

Makes perfect sense, when you are single WW believes she can cheat with you on her future partner.

She may also have a fantasy that you are emotionally enslaved to her for the rest of your life and you will be her fall back plan.

She's in for a very rude awakening when, partially because of MB, you pick a much better w/gf after your divorce.

God Bless
Gamma

That is exactly correct. If I get divorced. She automagically loses all the benefits of a married woman. She will not see her kids because of the custody arrangements and her job, she will have crap for insurance and have to pay through the nose for it, her vehicle will fall apart and have to be insured by her, no sex when she wants it (at least from me), no emotional support from me, nobody will understand her quirky references to tv shows and movies because all of her associates are a decade younger, and more.

Meanwhile I will be dark, continuing to work on my happiness and being the best Dad I can be. Then one day I'll meet a sweet woman who knows the definition of commitment. We can then get married and work hard to stay happy. Unless she decides to make a 180 in her life.