Thanks for the idea Mr. W. I got intel that POSOM is away from WW on a business trip which will explain her need to keep me on the phone. It was on these business trips that he met my WW so we all know what he's probably doing! So I will try to amp her the call volume like you said JK. Also, BH I'm halfway through that thread. I only read Mortarman's and GJM's threads(because WW and I are both military). Also using my snooping tactics I found out that POSOM is being pressured into marrying WW. She is doing the pressuring. Is this normal for WW's? This is abnormal of my wife pre-affair. Would like a little insight on this. The ex-fiance still maintains contact with POSOM even after I exposed to her. I think this POSOM is playing both her and my WW. Anyways, I got some assignments to complete:

1. Call WW and have hopefully have some IC.
2. Introduce a problem to WW for input.
3. Read that thread that BH linked me to.


edit: Chi I'm no ones hero, I'm just a guy who loves his family alot and will do anything for them. Even though I have dealbreakers. For instance, I will not raise an OC. Just wished I would of listened to this advice sooner and found this site alot sooner as well. Good luck in your struggle brother, take this from a guy who has anger issues because of an affair, cool heads always prevail...

To be honest, I think so. A WW, from what I hear, doesn't "leave" unless she is totally "committed" to the OM, and she wants to have something to show for having left you, I think.

That's my belief, anyway.

TD is this your question?
Radio Clip of TranquilDark's Question

TD, remind me: why do you think this will be helpful to your marriage?

Man, BH how do you do that lol? Yup that's my question.

I pay attention.

Its one of her needs and in plan A you attempt to meet the WS's needs while at the same time killing the affair right?

From Mr. W's excellent post that gave ideas to have intimate conversation(IC). I think it's an excellent suggestion.

Well WW posted a new pic of herself on social media. Guess what! She was wearing the necklace I got her for her birthday last year. Really upset about that.

Maybe it is a GOOD sign, though...

When I was just past D-Day, I didn't want to wear anything Taffy personally gave me... Only after I was feeling closer to him again...

Just sayin'...

See how just seeing a picture of her is upsetting?

It isn't the picture it's the fact I gave it to her why wear it? Waywards are confusing.

Why post when you do not read what others post?





At least I read this and comprehended.

Sorry using my phone its signal sucked and the post didn't show up in time. Just talked with WW after I sent the text about a problem I had. She called as I was typing up the response to her text message. We talked about 30 minutes about the kids and the problem I brought forth. Was pleasant she was telling me about the people she didn't like at her job, how SS was doing, etc. I had to cut it short because of a meeting at work. I followed the conversation with a thank text for her help and how different it is making decisions without her input. Basically used Mr.W's response just with a little personal touch. Wished her a nice day at work.

"She Called" - look how excited she was to have the opportunity to help you. Now don't get ahead of yourself...it's not feelings of love or even like rather guilt/shame that motivated her to call you promptly.

"I had to cut it short" - This is awesome too. In all those little "how to pick up women" books/guides one of the keys of attraction is to give someone attention and then walk away first and leave them hanging wanting more. No doubt she got off the phone and felt disappointment. Maybe that disappointment triggered a little ping in the back of her head maybe it didn't but you leave her hanging wanting more a few times and she's bound to start having feelings for you once again.


Where do you go from here? Re-read the 15 steps to how affairs happen. Essentially you are in the beginning phases of trying to [legitimately] use the same techniques OM's use to seduce married women. You are befriending her. Perhaps the next step is to slowly try to get her to talk about OM. That may be a very hard conversation for you to endure but getting her to open up about him is an awesome first step to destroying their relationship from the inside. Once she does...you are "in" the circle and OM is "out". You become the secret she can't tell OM about.

Another trick OM's often use....especially the old boyfriend from high school guy is to talk about how different and sad she seems nowadays. How the perky vibrant girl they once knew appears gone. Perhaps the lead in to talking about OM...as in "what is he doing to you"? or something. Play it by ear.

This is the out affair the affair strategy. It is hugely taxing on your lovebank. You will build up expectations and all she may be doing is alleviating guilt by making and keeping you as a friend. She may have no intention of leaving OM and just like the attention and feel great about getting you back as her friend. Perhaps you have to, at times, remind her that you have no intention of being in the "friend-zone". It's tough to fit that in...but hopefully she'll like the attention enough to not shut you down when you say "no, I'm not really trying to be your friend...I still want our marriage back" in response to her inquiry as to your intentions. If she has no intention of leaving OM she'll eventually feel guilty about leading you on. She'll ask. Anticipate the question and feel out a proper response. It's a fine balance between being jovial and responding with "whatever...I'm a big guy I can choose my friends" to a more vulnerable response like above that may result in her pulling back.

Caveat - out affair the affair is a extreme strategy that only MAY work way down the road after WW has moved out and in with her OM but remains willing to communicate with the BH. It's more proactive ...but it also drains a lovebank more quickly then a more passive watch the affair implode from a distance plan.

Good luck,

MR. W

Darn you BH. It took me over 2 days to read that entire thread, but it was worth it.

LTL

I know, right?

Thanks to Mr.Wondering for his excellent suggestion.

Mr. W,

I like this idea. I'm gonna give it a try too.

There were several really helpful posters that stuck through the entire thread with MYIL, including both Mr. and Mrs. W.

I guess you have to use the special secret Cologne for things to work out.

LTL

Got this via email from WW not sure on how to respond. Please help.

WW: What shoe size does DS wear? And if I send him something would you give it to him from mommy? Be honest.