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Just bought it for kindle so we can each read and then meet and discuss. Wife is living in new home while I'm still in rental. She says she wants to work on marriage and has started going to church with me. The issue is she is so upset of years of me not meeting her needs that when she reads this book and the first His Need is sex, she will probably toss it. We did fill out his needs her needs and mine was sex and hers was intimate conversation. Tonight I took her out to dinner and when we talk about us I can see her emotions change for the worse.
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What would you think about trying for interesting conversation that is not about "us", since that is source of stress now? I think the aim is to make the conversation enjoyable.
And is she open to you moving back together soon?
Last edited by emilyann; 10/02/13 10:25 PM.
50+ yo couple enjoying our empty nest.
Young adult kids out on their own.
"Enthusiastic agreement?" is our catch phrase.
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The issue is she is so upset of years of me not meeting her needs that when she reads this book and the first His Need is sex, she will probably toss it. She won't feel that way when she is in love with you, though. After you start doing a better job of meeting her needs she will feel more like meeting you needs. We did fill out his needs her needs and mine was sex and hers was intimate conversation. Tonight I took her out to dinner and when we talk about us I can see her emotions change for the worse. What are you talking about that upsets her? Whatever you are doing to upset her, stop doing that. Start concentrating on being a pleasant conversationalist. It will be rocky at first because when you are together all the time, problems are magnified. When you are dates, you should focus on the top 4 intimate emotional needs of affection, conversation, recreational companionship and eventually sexual fulfillment.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ok, I see we wrote you many posts on your other thread and you completely ignored them. How about going back to your old thread and answering our posts?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She is open to me moving in in another two weeks. She wanted some space for a couple of weeks. The thing is I see a change in her attitude towards me. It's not always there. Sometimes she tells me she misses me or loves me and other times I can tell she is full of hate. She has not met some of my needs but I don't think she cares and if she reads the book I don't know what to expect.
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So tell her that you understand that sf will need to wait until you are both feeling in love. Assure her that you will not rush her.
Then move on to topics you both enjoy
Me 58: FWH (NC 32 yr), W 60, married 36 yr, DD 32
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She's been telling me lately that she enjoyed sex before me and that I made is less enjoyable. I think she forgets she's told me of her sexual past which only consisted of three men but went further sexually than our ever has.
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I bumped up your other thread as Fordman. Can you please answer the questions on that thread?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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She's been telling me lately that she enjoyed sex before me and that I made is less enjoyable. I think she forgets she's told me of her sexual past which only consisted of three men but went further sexually than our ever has. This is because she has a NEW point of comparison.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Can His needs Her Needs backfire Yes, if you misuse it and leave out parts of the program. This is not a program that can be cherry picked. People leave out crucial stuff because they don't want to do it. They make excuses about how it doesn't apply to them. Then they complain that Marriage Builders doesn't work. It's like baking a cake and leaving out the eggs and sugar because you don't like eggs and sugar, then being upset that the cake is no good.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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