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Joined: Apr 2013
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OP
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So in regards to dating 30 different men to find a lasting relationship to marry is there any certain formula? 30 dates in a year? And if you do decide to date someone exclusively and then call it off is that considered a redo and I have to start at 1 again? I do not like to multi-date, I have never done that before honestly. I am not dating now, but just thinking about dating and trying to prepare myself for what I want to do regarding to dating when the time comes. At this point I am still working on improving myself and re-inventing myself so to speak, and attempting to build up my friends pool both male and female as this go around I am not interested much in online dating and I am still a little baffled on where I am suppose to find 30 men to date if I don't go the online route so "friending" people is the best way I can think of. One of my new friends wants me to go on a blind date with her brother in law 'when I am ready' I just haven't been ready yet. I did date someone right after the divorce and went on a couple dates with others, so do they count as my 30 eventhough I have been taking a long break? I guess I just need more clarification on the specifics of the dating 30 men rule. Can I have a second date if I like someone? If I am only able to go on 2-3 dates a month that would mean taking about 1+ years to get to the 30 mark and what if a great match was #1-10 and by the time I realize he was the best choice is long gone?
Advice?
Last edited by divorcedandlost; 10/03/13 10:20 AM.
xbw: divorced 11/2012
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Joined: Jan 2010
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I would start dating and looking for multiple possible people to date in whatever ways I was comfortable with (sounds like that would not be online for you). By all means if you liked someone date them again; just don't start an exclusive relationship immediately.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Joined: Apr 2013
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Thanks for the insight markos, I am not totally against online dating. I met xwh in a chat room, but just feel I prefer IRL meeting first and an occassional Online date is fine, but I hate putting my photo on the dating sites..
xbw: divorced 11/2012
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Joined: Nov 2010
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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30 in a year, yes. Dr H says if you find someone who "knocks your socks off" to quote Dr H, you shouldn't feel like you have to carry on with the 30.
The aim is to carry on dating 30 until you find somebody incredible who can't be bettered.
Otherwise the temptation is to get into an exclusive relationship which you don't feel allowed to leave unless something is wrong. Or that early forseen problems with a dating candidate are somehow your job to fix.
Keep ticking off the numbers till you hit the jackpot.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Jun 2011
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So in regards to dating 30 different men to find a lasting relationship to marry is there any certain formula? 30 dates in a year? And if you do decide to date someone exclusively and then call it off is that considered a redo and I have to start at 1 again? I do not like to multi-date, I have never done that before honestly. I am not dating now, but just thinking about dating and trying to prepare myself for what I want to do regarding to dating when the time comes. At this point I am still working on improving myself and re-inventing myself so to speak, and attempting to build up my friends pool both male and female as this go around I am not interested much in online dating and I am still a little baffled on where I am suppose to find 30 men to date if I don't go the online route so "friending" people is the best way I can think of. One of my new friends wants me to go on a blind date with her brother in law 'when I am ready' I just haven't been ready yet. I did date someone right after the divorce and went on a couple dates with others, so do they count as my 30 eventhough I have been taking a long break? I guess I just need more clarification on the specifics of the dating 30 men rule. Can I have a second date if I like someone? If I am only able to go on 2-3 dates a month that would mean taking about 1+ years to get to the 30 mark and what if a great match was #1-10 and by the time I realize he was the best choice is long gone?
Advice? Going by your description of your comfort levels, I'd concentrate on building up friendships. Friendships are a great way to either fall or love or get introduced to more eligible men.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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This is his main article on this topic: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5068a_qa.htmlThe highlights are: I recommend that you keep looking until you find someone very attractive (meets your emotional needs) and would have an easy time following my basic concepts. It's been my experience operating a dating service and counseling singles who want to marry that when someone has dated about 30 people, they almost always find at least one very good match among them. That experience helps them come to understand what they need most in an opposite sex relationship. But if you find someone that knocks you off your feet before you reach the magic 30, don't feel compelled to continue dating. My point is that within those 30 people there is probably someone who you would find very compatible and who would know how to meet your emotional needs. If by the fifth date you've found that person, search no longer. .
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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