Hi All, I'm new here. I've been married for 2 years. 2 months ago my husband came home from work and left me out of the blue. I mean totally out of the blue. We were trying to have kids, moving along, mostly smoothly, and the bam! He told me that he never wanted to marry me, and didn't know why we did, he told me that I pressured him into marriage, and the he doesn't want to me married to anyone. I asked him then flat out if his intention was to leave me a go file for divorce and he said it was.
I have torn apart the house and found no evidence of another women, although I did find some other surprises along the way. We have conversations on and off, but never of substance. He refuses to come home or tell me what the problem is. He is living at his mother's, spends a lot of time just driving around, sitting by water. He doesn't eat, he doesn't sleep. He works three days a week and mostly goes. He is seeing a counselor on his own(not a good one however) as am I(obviously I different one).
He has back pedaled a bit since he left, and no instead of saying he wants a divorce he says "no one wants to be alone", but still won't tell me very much in the way of issues. All I have managed to get out of him is that he feels like he does all the house work, and that I'm tight with money. Neither of which are true, but both of which I've told him we can work on, I have no issue admitting everything isn't perfect, but it can't be fixed if I don't know about it. He says we shouldn't have to talk about things because we are both adults and if something needs done, it should just get done. He is extremely OCD and basically feels that everything has to be done right then, and his way...which I feel is a lot of the problem...
Still...given the above TWO issues, I really have no idea why he left. He won't tell me, he won't come home, he won't say he'll work it out, he won't even say he wants to. All he will say over and over is that he knows he has hurt me and that's all his fault...
I'm not sure what kind of advise I'm looking for...I'm just wondering, what do you do when your spouse won't even begin to tell you what the real issue is?

Thanks for listening, and sorry this is so long!!

bp, have either of you been married before? Do you have any children?

He was married previously. They were married for about 20 years, and she was mentally ill, and somewhat abusive verbally and emotionally. They divorced shortly before he and I started seeing each other. He and I were friends for about 5 years before that.
Neither of us have children.

Welcome to MB.

What other surprises did you find?

Does he have a history of depression?

I found an bankruptcy from 15+ years ago he never told me about, a bank account he told me he was closing after we got married,which he clearly didn't do and he used it looks like almost exclusively to pay for pornography, which I also didn't know about.

He doesn't have a history of depression, however, for two months prior to his leaving, he was taking ephedra supplements and drinking multiple energy drinks a day, which I'm pretty positive has screwed up his brain chemistry. He hasn't been taking the ephedra since he left, but I'm sure he is still drinking the energy drinks as he told me there is "nothing bad" about them.

How long did you date before you married?

a year and a half.

Is this your first time finding out about MB? Have you read any of Dr. Harley's books?

Also, when you ask him what's going on what does he say?

I have a relative that has used MB. And I have Fall in Love Stay in Love sitting on my dishwasher at the moment, but that's all so far.

He doesn't say anything, he really won't talk about it expect to tell me how I don't do anything around the house and how I'm tight with money. He will say he is confused about things, but won't tell me what that means. He will say he cares about me, and misses me, and loves me, but then turns around and leaves. He will say he is "thinking" about things, but won't tell me what he is thinking about. He'll tell me he hates his job and that just makes life hard, but won't tell me what they has to do with his leaving. He really don't tell me anything except "I don't know" and "I'm trying to clear my head" of what, I don't know.

Have you spied on him? What about hiring a PI to tail him for a few days?

I have not. I'm quite sure at this point that it's not another women. I've seen that with family and friends spouses, and that is not how he is behaving. He is really just behaving kind of crazy. He does things like get in his car, drive for 4 hours, turn around and drive back. Claims it "clears his head" I have also had family members drive by his mom's how when he claims to be there, and so far his car has been there every time.

I would find out what he is doing with his time. He may have some addiction that you know nothing about. There is something that is so important to him that it comes before his marriage. If you can't afford a PI, I would get a GPS tracker on his car and see where he is going.

For the most part at this point he is spending his time "sitting on the bed" he also spends time "sitting by the lake" and spent two weeks remodeling his mothers bathroom...

Like I said, I would have him watched to find out what he is doing. He moved out for a very powerful reason and I don't think you know what it is.

The problem is you have no earthly idea where he is going and what he is doing. That is what you need to know.

Given this set of information, a huge red flag is raised...

maybe I need to clarify. We worked together for a several years, I left for another position, he then got divorced, contacted me, we then started dating, and married a year and a half after that, He and I were not seeing each other prior to their divorce. And I guess I use the term "friends" to loosely, as we really didn't get to know each other as true friends until after he divorced. We talked at work, as co-workers.

Here.
Private Investigators