Thanks BrainHurts

A relative of mine has offered to pay for a couple of hours of coaching with Dr. H. Assuming I can somehow talk my husband in to this. Is there anything anyone would suggest we do prior to scheduling with Dr. H? I know it would probably be good to read as many of the books as possible, but what else?

bp,

I fear with just a couple of hours with an MB counselor you won't get the best outcome for your situation. My W and I counseled with Dr Chalmers (Jennifer, Joyce and Dr Harley's daughter). It took us 8 or more sessions for her to be able to implement all of the necessary pieces of this program.

I'm sorry but focusing on a couple of the MB concepts really doesn't work. It's important to get guidance on all the pieces of the puzzle in order for it to all come together.

I recommend finding a way to schedule more sessions.

I would also highly recommend (but not required) each of you reading HNHN, LoveBusters and FILSIL before your sessions. If you haven't by the time you start counseling you'll have homework. It'll be easier to reread if necessary during your counseling.

bp, if money is an issue, why not email Dr Harley on his radio show for advice? It is free that way. Dr Harley doesn't counsel people anymore. [outside of the online program] His kids, Dr Jennifer Chalmers and Steve Harley do the coaching.

@MrAlias I didn't say we planned to only focus on a couple of concepts, I understand it's a whole program that needs to be worked through, but I'm looking for suggestions of where to start, and unfortunately we would not be able to afford 8 or more sessions. It's really financially impossible at this point.

@MelodyLane,

Can you explain or give me a link about emailing Dr. Harley? And I did actually mean Steve Harley...not Dr. Harley...confused the names!

Here is the link: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi4200_radio.html

You don't have to go on the radio show to have your issue addressed, either. If you send them your phone # you will probably get a call from them. They are extremely helpful and may even talk to your husband. Go listen to the rebroadcast and you can get an idea of how helpful they are to callers and emailers.

Thank you MelodyLane!

Well certainly a couple will be more beneficial than none. My personal experience has been this. I have been a long time poster on this forum. I used it and the free materials to try to improve my M for close to 10 years. Not much really changed for me as my W was never enthusiastic about following MB and I did a poor job of trying to implement it going solo.

It wasn�t until my W agreed to use DR Harley�s principles AND we used his books and hired his daughter to guide us through the principles that things changed dramatically for us. It�s quite possible for the two of you to improve the M without MB counseling but there�s no guarantee.

What I may suggest is that you first see if you can put into practice all of Dr Harley�s concepts. Then when you run into obvious obstacles in that implementation you can use the counseling to help you get over the hump. Otherwise you run the risk of not getting the most out of the short amount of time you have with Steve Harley.

If you have this limited budget you may want to consider the other options available besides the phone counseling. Others can explain those in more detail than I.

That is an excellent idea.


Email your questions to Joyce Harley at mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. When your email question is chosen to be answered on the radio show, you will be notified by email directing you to listen to the rebroadcast. If you would like to consider being a caller, include your telephone number. You will be called by us to explain the procedure to you. Every caller will receive a complementary book by Dr. Harley that addresses their question.

Thanks BrainHurts, I'm actually working on the email now!

Also,

Relative to sessions on an "as needed" basis, enrollment w/ the online and/or home study course is highly cost effective vs "as needed" sessions, as you get an accountability coach and private forum access.

If your husband would participate, that is probably the most bang for your buck.

That's a good idea also, thanks HoldHerHand!

Good. Let us know when they answer it or if you will be on the show.

OP- I'd be interested to know if you find out anything about the ephedra you said he is using. My husband started his downward spiral after he started using testosterone boosters and muscle supplement drinks. I know they are not the same, but I'm convinced that crap messed with his brain.

If someone close to you is willing to pay for a session or two of MB I thnk it would be more beneficial to use that money to spy on him. You need to know what you're dealing with first.

LifeIsBetter,

I have no doubt that his sue of ephedra and energy drinks is what started the spiral. Obviously there are things he hasn't been 100% happy about, but also had never mentioned to me before this, but the ephedra, energy drinks and not eating are what I believe clouded his mind so much all he could think to do was leave. I've done a LOT of research on the subject and in my opinion ephedra and energy drinks should be treated like alcohol and prescription medication. You can't buy them unless you are over 21 and they need to strictly regulated.

Kerala,
At this point I don't believe there is that much to spy on. I really do know where is a vast majority of the time. And he truly isn't doing anything. He is laying on a bed, or sitting outside in front of his mothers pond.

Had a nice little chat last night with Joyce Harley. I have to say I'm exceedingly impressed with the Harley's. I will be on the show on Wednesday. She didn't really have any suggestions last night, as I'm assuming they still need to discuss everything. Thanks for the suggestion to email MelodyLane!

Since you mentioned it, my fWH's waywardness began when he was also doing testosterone boosters, supplements and going to the gym a lot. I thought his cold, nasty behavior was a sign of steroid abuse. But that was before I found out about the AP.

Rocketqueen,

Do you know if it started before or after his steroid abuse? From my experience the last year, it seems to me that unregulated supplements have a very strong ability to cloud judgement, and in the case of my WH, really change personality. I've notice in the last couple of weeks(this is after being off the ephedra for probably about a month) that his real personality is starting to show up a little more. Although, I still see and hear him describe behavior(not towards me) that is much more hostile/angry then I have ever seen from him before. I talked with someone who had this type of reaction to ADHD meds, and it took this person about a year to even out again...I'm hoping it doesn't take that long with my WH.

How do you know this?

Is there any way you can snoop further? A computer keylogger will tell you what he does online, for example. If he has an addiction, depression or a secret life it may show up in his internet usage.

If you are truly concerned about his mental state, it could be worth installing the spyware on his phone and computer.