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Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 1
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 1 |
Hello fellow MB Posters,
I am a returning poster. I was on the boards several years ago. My then live in boyfriend slept with a someone he went to high school with and that resulted in a child. Eventhough we were not married it still hurt me very, very much as we were living as husband and wife with two small children.
We married when his child was just 11 months old. It was very difficult, but after months and months of court and visitation hearing thing look like they were working out. I established a very close bound to my stepchild.
While I as doing everything I could to make sure we all had a good relation with her, my H was out having an affair with another woman and she had an OC. We went to counseling with our pastor and decided NC. Well I learned that my WH was still visiting the OC at the OC grandmothers home and visiting OC at daycare. I really don't have anything against the OC and feel bad about the situation the OC parents choose for him. I left when I found out he had been sneaking beyond my back and that has been almost 3 years ago. The COM are now 14 and 15 and really want a relationship with the OC. The problem is I don't. My WH has made some real changes in the way he lives and has committed himself to Christ. He is great father to COM, but the relationship with his DD is now strained. He is the man I always wanted to be married to. I just don't want anything to do with the OC. I told me to have a relationship with OC if he wants, but I don't want any part of it. I don't want to bring OC to our home or I will not participate in any visits with OC. I don't know if our marriage is workable. I love my husband and Know he loves me, but I can not live with OC in my lives.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
irsgirl, welcome back to MArriage Builders. Dr Harley would likely suggest that you don't' involve yourself or your children with the OC. Your children can associate with the OC when they are adults.
Your marraige has no future unless he cuts off ALL contact with the mother of the OC, by the way. The only way your marriage would ever work is if made a radical change in his lifestyle so that he held 100% accountable 100% of the time. A serial cheater needs to have a very transparent, integrated lifestyle in order for the marriage to recover. Committing to Christ will not protect a marriage from an affair. But a radical change in one's lifestyle will.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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