I'd listen to GloveOil if I were you. He was fortunate enough to have an affair, come to his senses, and come out of it with his marriage intact!

I don't want to pile on, gentlemanX, but as a betrayed spouse I can speak with experience as to the agony that is caused by being betrayed by the person who is closest to you of any in the world. What you think you have felt for this other woman is not true love in the biblical sense, but a twisted, distorted version of it. You were able to live in a fantasy world with this other woman while your betrayed wife dealt with all the hard issues - paying the bills, taking care of the children, etc.

The right thing to do would be to come clean, tell your wife, and beg her for forgiveness and another chance. Then, if she'll have you, bring her here and use the many resources on this site to rebuild the marriage you badly damaged and you will only then find true love and redemption.

Please read.
To The Unfaithful Lurkers a Gift

God in heaven help your wife and children! THEY are the ones who are in pain!!

If you want to help them, please send your wife here. We help people survive this trauma here using the research and experience of Dr. Willard Harley.

What you have done to your wife is the worst trauma any human being can inflict on another. She may not know it yet, but unless you reveal it to her, you will stay in contact with the object of your addiction - bringing further pain to your wife and children down the road.

Please, sir - we want to help them. If you are concerned about pain, please bring your wife here so we can help her.

And after what you have done to your wife - you owe it to her!

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi1001_infidelity0.html

Thanks I did read it just now, and it is helpful. But i am starting to realise I came to the wrong website. Because I don't believe I can forgive myself to make my marriage work.
Thanks anyways. If you're a moderator pls feel free to delete this topic and forgive me for wasting your time.
Thanks for all your replies. I appreciate your angle and intention. God bless you all in your lives and I hope you have lasting happiness.
If I get back on the beaten path, I will look you up again.
X

Good. While you are listening to the author of that work, check out what he says here:

http://biblehub.com/james/5-16.htm

Following that instruction is the only way to stop you from inflicting this pain again.

No, this is absolutely the right place to get the help that your HURTING wife and children need. THEY are the ones you need to be concerned about right now. THEY are the ones you have injured. SHE is the one who is lying bleeding on the ground right now.


That's okay, it doesn't matter. You don't need to forgive yourself. What you do need to do is stop talking about YOURSELF and start talking about YOUR WIFE and the trauma that you have inflicted upon her and what you can DO about it, starting with bringing her HERE so she can get good help.

You don't need to forgive yourself to do that. In fact you shouldn't forgive yourself. You should stop going on about yourself, your pain, your inability to forgive yourself, etc.

Take the focus off YOU for a minute and put it on the WIFE you have betrayed!

It's good that you feel guilt - it means that you are not a sociopath.

I believe that one of the Ten Commandments is relevant here, too.

Me, too! I followed the Marriage Builders program with my wife and restored the love in our marriage! It feels WONDERFUL! I took Dr. Harley's Love Bank Inventory test today and got something like a 2.8 - highest score ever, a measure of the fact that the plan worked and I am immensely, fantastically, in love!!!


Actually Dr. Harley has STUDIED it for decades and knows just how to PRODUCE this feeling of love in MARRIAGE. It is somewhat rare - about 20% of marriages are successful, 40% end in divorce, 20% stay married but unhappy, and 20% end in lifelong separation without divorce. Dr. Harley knows just what the succesful couples do that make it successful and sustain the feeling of romantic love for life.

You are in the right place:
Romantic Love: Is It a Realistic Goal for Marriage Therapy?

You don't need forgiveness to make your marriage work. You need a commitment. Many people here have turned their marriages into passionate romantic relationships. You can have that too. And it will be a lasting romance in a long term viable relationship. Not a flash in the pan that can't exist in the light of day.

Nah. Maybe you read about 15% of it, in the brief time you took.

How would you know, X? You have no experience yet in resuscitating & reviving a marriage. If you were so darned smart, you wouldn't be in this mess, would ya?

What kind of website were you looking for? One where you'd get a pat on the back for cheating on your spouse with another man's fiance?

Wouldn't you rather be a little less pathetic? Where else but here are you gonna find people who've actually pulled out of the nosedive that your life has become & who can walk you through it to a better place?

GentlemanX,

If you do nothing else go silent and continue to read on MB, read the BW thread to gain an understanding of what you have done to your W, read the BH husband thread to understand what you have done to some innocent young man, read the WH thread to understand what you have done to yourself.

If you do that reading I think over the course of two or three weeks your outlook will transform and you will automatically do what is right.

God Bless
Gamma

He's right, isn't he, X?


Take notice of that, X.

God brought you here, you know.

And he brought all of us here to help your wife and kids. And you, too.

Can we talk about your wife, now? She needs help. This is going to hurt.

I hope you're silent because you're watching the video of Dr. Harley I posted.

Actual help from a psychologist:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8001_affair.html

If you are still reading your thread.......know this.....

whatever you felt/feel for your mistress can be magnified for your wife.

No matter how dowdy she seems now. No matter how dumb she seems now, or stinky or boring or how messy she is or how bad a cook. Even if you think you never did love her remotely as much as the other woman.

You wife is your best chance of true, deep romance, super hot sex and happiness...........should you choose to follow the actual marriage builder plans for romance and love with a spouse.

believe me, your wife knows. Maybe not the whole truth, but that you have been disengaged and hurtful to her. the fact that she is till in your bed is testament to HER true character. She is the woman you want to make peace with and rekindle and rebuild your love for.

Quit the pity party for yourself and stop making Good-bye Cruel Forum Have a Nice Life posts. Start thinking of your victims - your betrayed wife and children, and the hapless fiance of your adultery partner. THEY are the ones you need to think about now.

Your remarks about the "pain" of some of the forum members makes me smile a bit. Yes, we've been through pain on one side or the other of this thing, but most of the peeps you've heard from are still here because they've gotten THROUGH the pain to the vibrant and joyous life on the other side. Many (including me) have even reached that wonderful state with our spouse.

Why would you want to be anywhere else but here? IF you really want to recover, that is. Where better to learn than from those who have experienced what you and your WIFE have felt, and recovered?

Right now, you're morally bankrupt. Is that how you want to stay? Is that the legacy you want to give your children? Do you think you can just sweep this under the rug and it will go away? (Hint: the answer to all three questions should be NO!)

Hopefully you'll stick around long enough to catch a glimpse of how good your life can be, even after what you've done. Tell your wife the truth. Fight for your marriage and family. Never have any contact with your fellow morally bankrupt adulterer. Then, and only then, will you have a chance.